Tag: T_wrongPriority

see open blog

[22]carefree:与众不同 #by half

Posted on by tiger40490

k_tectonic … k_def_of_success

see also

This bpost needs a more distinctive, identifiable, less forgettable title.

When I don’t feel carefree, this analysis might provide clues + perhaps a few tips/nudges.

Q1: living my “carefree ezlife”, perhaps in my bubble, Why do I feel so alone and uncommon like “outlier” (与众不同) among my peers?

The answer is invariably a combination of distinct factors.  Each time we apply one of the factors below as a filter on the global cohort population, half (or at least 20%) of the remainder drop out. I used to joke that the qualifying population shrinks “by half”.

  • — G9 hard [measurable, visible, less subjective] factors underpinn` my carefree ezlife: (See also list in
  • [22]幸福:2precious cornerstones: breakaway)
  • factor: CPI inflation worries beyond retirement .. related to “citizenship” and “cashflow-high-ground”. “Half” my cohort across many countries seriously worry about living expenses doubling every 10~20Y, progressively eroding/shrinking their retirement nest egg.
  • G9 pillar: fully paid home of reasonable size, in a clean, safe, actively maintained neighborhood … Not so common esp. among younger peers.
  • G9 pillar: cashflow high ground .. (for family livelihood) ..  Rare among my peers. I won’t elaborate.
  • G3 pillar: my citizenship.. my appreciation[confidence/faith, gratitude] of my adopted country .. is rare among my peers. A subtle factor, this “shield” gives me a confidence (-}carefree) distinct from that of my WSt friends.
  • G7 pillar: career longevity (based on WStC) .. rare among techies [dev-till70], and also rare across the entire cohort. Bpost [1] has more details, so I won’t elaborate here
  • Layer 2 foundation: stable marriage + bonding with kids .. is shared with perhaps half my peers. I score a B+.
  • Layer 1 foundation: wellness .. (all aspects) .. Note BMI/fitness (also tech bodybuilding) require successZ, rather than “LG-carefree”…

(Pillars rest on layers of foundations.)

Q4: why is my wife not feeling carefree? Why the big contrast between husband and wife? See “half-empty” section.

— harmony .. part of successE (elaborated below).  I feel improving (albeit inconsistently) in my harmony, mellowing up, letting go..
— failureZ .. a common weakness among my peers, and therefore affects a majority of them. Note successZ definition is simpler than successE but still nontrivial.
Bpost [1] examined my continuous, self-driven learning habit

eg: My annual health screening is one example of how successZ underpins my “carefree”. (I won’t elaborate) bone density; heart-healthy diet; cholesterol control; low-sugar, low-salt; research into various conditions/risks;;;; You can never become complacent and let your guards down 🙂

==== utopian/bubble.. Many people would dismiss my (or PersonB’s) “carefree” as utopian, short-lived or fragile. That PersonB could be an engineer, an academic, an early retiree, a pensioner… because everyone’s bubble is fragile to some extent.

I still have (long or short term) stressors in my current job, BMI, parenting, investment issues,,, I still need inner strength, serenity, harmony, zqbx

Q3: level of Fragility of this carefree bubble?

Any analysis/investigation into “carefree” inevitably leads to questions of  fragility/impermanence/vulnerability/defenses//… These questions explain why “carefree” periods are so rare. However, this bpost will skimp on them.

— A very realistic “rude awakening” .. see the missteps/swans in https://tanbinvest.dreamhosters.com/12221/resilience-against-ffree-derailers/

— Jan 2023 update: Miles of Sonic team .. (See also Sonic+Sachin+Anurag) a story about utopia, fragility, storms/bubbles/derailers/// This case illustrates that at any time, for any reason, without any sign, we could lose our comfortable job, or our health etc. This case sounds like a swan event, but there was also a personal misstep (self-acknowledged). My compliance violations are also missteps. These swans/missteps are serious derailers of my carefree bubble, but now is the quiet between the storms, so the other factors feel like better answers to Q1.

This “quiet” feels like a dream, or inside a bubble, rolling on high rails.

— Update after Sep/Oct 2022 .. I feel my carefree ezlife is diminishing/declining/ in some strange way. It takes effort to explain it.

The DIYHI created lots of conflicts, self-blame, zsms about tcost, involution.

Then in Nov, kids’ math exam results ..

Then in Mar 2023, EDyw was a real blow according to the rmSelf, but for the xpSelf, Edyw didn’t /knock me out/ of my carefree zone.

In the grand scheme of things, these pains/unhappy episodes would pass. The “carefree” felt so short-lived to the rmSelf, but (to the xpSelf) it soon returned.

==== wrong priorities .. a key “soft” factor to explain “why so many peers are not carefree”. (In contrast, see the hard factors eralier.)

Some of my peers score higher than me in “cashflow high ground” or “career longevity” (I refuse to pay attention to them) but I feel most of my cohort are fixated on their “half-empty” glasses, while I tend to focus more on my “half-full” glass.

Breakaway .. is a power descriptor. See [22]幸福:2precious cornerstones: breakaway

— successE .. I feel my peers don’t appreciate successE that much. Therefore, my successE is /uncommon/.

Beware successE definition is subject to interpretation.
— zzcl .. I feel many, perhaps majority of, my peers are not mellowing up to zzcl. I think many aim higher and try harder than I do. In doing so, they experience more frustration, less contentment.

  • improve kids’ grades
  • get better job .. objectively, my jobs since 2017 were good
  • get bigger home .. objectively, my home is big enough

— focusing_illusion .. by focusing on the half-full, I feel more contented, more grateful, more lucky, more optimistic… These feelings /seed/ a virtuous cycle of wellness, generosity, kindness, forgiveness

If I were to explain “wrong priorities” , zzcl, failureE, failureZ, harmony ,,, in an essay,  it would involve many power phrases. Many of my peers may not understand these phrases. A  phrase is often subtle, low-power, or poorly defined, and my definition often abstract, unnatural and non-trivial. (Contrast them with those handful “hard” factors above.)

— life chances .. personal! I am contended about my life chances. I pursue the right life chances that are important to me, rather than the wrong priorities of other people

==== a nightmare .. in a 2022 nightmare, I rejoined Macq and was dismissed again. I did my best again, but again was shown to be the weakest in the team, although another set of job requirements may prove otherwise. In hind sight, the 2015/2016 Macq job requirement was simply too high for me, more than the Qz job or GS job. How about Ash.S in his CTO job? CSDoctor’s job? S.Liu’s job?

If I were to benchmark myself with these so-called peers, or try to increase my brank, and join the exclub, I would get derailed, lose my carefree ezlife, take on lots of stress.
If I try, could I become a software architect? Not my strength.
If I try, could I become a lead developer like Ash.S? Not sure.

At my age, I have an implicit self-conviction that most of the higher-paying positions are too stressful, with exorbitant expectations. What I’m unsure is the salary hike of a “jump”. (My EPA job could be worth SGD 160k in another company.) What additional income is possible? After tax, 80k/Y additional? Not worth it.

I told grandpa that my successE [carefree ezlife + harmony, based on wellness and comfortable livelihood] is rare among my cohort, not because I’m wealthier than them, but because I don’t focus on the wrong goals.

The nightmare scenario is much more severe, harsh, harmful than CB2022.

##wrong priorities@ deathbed|wellOff #topSchool, moreBuffers

Posted on by tiger40490

k_tectonic  k_soul_search  .. k_miswanting_blindFOMO

See also

GexAcademy Chairman Patrick, Lee Hom… all show high net worth in the millions. H.Yi mentioned a fellow developer friend having 3M net assets. Well I don’t feel envious. After ffree, or at our deathbed, marginal benefit of one more million is not a priority. Higher priorities are family harmony, successE (carefree ezlife with wellness), succcessZ,,,

— The two /viewpoints/
This blogpost is all about the wrong priorities of my cohort in our 40’s and 50’s. We recognize these wrong priorities best at our _deathbed_. Therefore,  an suitable title is “the wrong priorities I may realize at my deathbed”.

However, the intended impact of this analysis is more /immediate/. Therefore for now I chose the other viewpoint, the viewpoint of an affluent father who has accumulated enough[2] of a battery giving him the freedom[3] to quit working full time. From his viewpoint, presumably some of his earlier priorities are now wrong priorities.

I choose not to classify my priorities by category like wellness, family ..

— priority: beautiful wife.. In my bachelor years, as I witnessed more and more in my cohort getting married and having kids, what I really envied the most, an undeniable human need (biological need? no) was a sexual partner.

prefer slim^brank@@P2 #completeLife lists beautiful wife as the most important element.

— priority: more (quality) family time with kids/wife? A top 3 popular priority but I feel it’s somewhat less than ..
priority: more family time esp. across generations
— priority: more time for self-care, personal-development
priority: music for life
— priority: monthly yoga studio visits, when my home practice is insufficient
— priority: bigger home on higher floor? A wrong priority from the deathbed if it requires too much sacrifice. However, I think this is a reasonable priority for wife. I think she looks at some friends’ homes and she feels those homes are better.
— priority: SDXQ home .. a clean, safe neighbourhood is valuable to my family, but is a wrong priority if it requires too much family sacrifice, as I shared with Jack.He.
— priority: top schools for myself and my kids
At my deathbed, I would feel my two top high schools didn’t mean that much to me  but did provide good learning environments, esp. during my formative years from Grade 7 to Grade 9. After that year, I was already a top student with rock-solid foundation and superior learning habits.

However, if a student is not suitable for top schools, then the pain and sacrifice in the family is not worthwhile, as seen from the deathbed.

— priority: get into a lucrative domain for long-term? Was a key priority for my younger self, and still a priority for my kids.
— priority: try-something-new-n-glamorous? A wrong priority if it requires too much sacrifice.
Deepak.CM demonstrates a tenacity. I think it is a reasonable priority before he becomes well-off. However, at his deathbed I doubt it.
— priority: higher ROI compared to the 2% on safe investments
Q: why should I feel dissatisfied with low ROI, during my golden years or after semi-retirement? See [4].
I choose a recreational style of investing using a small risk capital.
— priority: a bigger net worth + higher income to fund/bankroll a Level-6 ffree? Clearly a wrong priority if your battery is already “enough “[2]
This priority is huge in [4]
Additional rEstate is a popular “priority” among my cohort.
— priority: large bequest? To “help” the next generations? Wrong priority
— priority: brank, OC-effectiveness, clout? A fairly specific but wrong priority for individuals without the leadership talent.
— priority: business networking? Wrong priority for individuals without the talent.
After I “have arrived“, I want to spend more time with grandparents, wife or close friends, not business associates !
— priority: sightseeing around the world? A wrong priority for me.
— important footnotes
[2] “enough” has various criteria. I choose the FullerWealth criteria. I wrote many blogposts about the limitations of my barebones ffree. I am well-off now but not necessarily in 5Y.

[3] Many such individuals in their 40’s or 50’s seem to enjoy working in their favorite domains, often on a freelance basis. Given their vitality and intellectual energy level, they probably feel wasted otherwise. I have described to numerous young colleagues[Dahlan, Sophia, Jiaying..] that 10% salary boost feels meaningless to me
[4] my letter to sis: G3 specific goals@investment effort #Shiller

brkaway ^mellw ^blindFOMO ^wrongPrio ^misPceptn

Posted on by tiger40490

 

k_miswanting_blindFOMO … k_mellow

Eskimo languages have more *phrases* to describe snow because snow is improtant to their lives. Similarly, I have multiple powerDescriptors because the /subject/ is close to my heart.

— t_wrongPriority .. (a generic phrase) is related but is focused on the wrong priorities of my peers, while T_ska (a more specific phrase) usually about myself
— k_miswanting_blindFOMO .. see blind_FOMO[def]: TJ.Lin@Chn young techie #breakaway
— T_breakaway .. is related, but self-knowledge doesn’t always mean breakaway from mainstream
breakaway .. specifically about a bandwagon or brainwash
breakaway .. more decisive and more complete than t_mellow
— mellow .. shorter tag but more vague than wrongPriority/misPerception
mellow .. suggests a gradual learning journey
mellow .. related to stress, unlike t_misPerception
— ska .. is focused on self-knowledge

accept`lower pay as greying SWE

Posted on by tiger40490

k_X_FOMO_v_livelihood .. k_def_of_success

This bpost pulls together a number of related power phrases from the open blog, so I made a bold decision to maintain this bpost in open blog. These phrases are powerful “agents” in my world. They interact with each other, often battling each other. Some kind of harmony and /reconciliation/ is often needed. See also

The trigger: SY.C said a friend in his 50s landed a SWE job at Citadel. I said I won’t aim so high in my 50s, but that’s not passive acceptance, because I still put in some real effort on the job, on active learning, and self-improvement.

— passive acceptance of a bad outcome (i.e. lower pay)? From this point of view, I choose SS more than ZZ
知足常乐 .. I said I’m contended with my dev-till70 plan, even though salary is not so high.
— threat of early involuntary retirement? With dev-till70, I choose ZZ more than SS
— successZ^successE
Harmony? My attitude, my plan ticks both successZ and successE. I think this bpost is a worthwhile illustration of successZ.
— FOMO^livelihood .. I said in my late 50s I would aim at USD 100k/Y pre-tax, in today’s dollars. Much higher than 80% of median household income, therefore sufficient for my family.

Bold and unrealistic lifestyle  for most of my middle-class cohort.
— breakaway, wrong priority,
Q: In my 50s, how important is salary, relative to 1) sexual well-being or 2) chin-up 3) healthy diet for life

I now think successC is really a distraction from those meaningful challenges. Granted that getting a Citadel job at that age is great for learning and self-renewal. However, not everyone is so strong, competitive and capable.

I pointed out to SY.C that Citadel SWE jobs have a tough reputation, and may hurt my successE, so I may not look forward to it.

Those who still focus on exclub in their 50s probably have the wrong priorities.

 

[20] dribble,stretch: wrong priorities

Posted on by tiger40490

k_X_FOMO_v_livelihood

  • As a teenager, I wanted to be good at shooting basket, then I found dribbling as a less noticed but important skill. Ultimately, I wanted to be a better basketballer, not just in school, but for life.
  • Now in my 40’s i see dribbling, or shooting skills as secondary to 3) muscle/bone strength 2) flexibility and 1) heart/lung fitness. Among these factors, Fitness is the #1 factor in terms of impact on quality and length of my life.
  • So in conclusion, better focus on fitness rather than dribbling or shooting per se.

This is an example of other people’s envy and “FOMO” as the “wrong priority”. This is a common theme in my life and the lives of many.

— Why is top school, trophy college so important to parents? Wrong priority !

— why is big car, big house, big vacations so important? Wrong priority !

I think many would agree livelihood is more important than that wrong priority.

I feel Brbr, disposable income are more important than that wrong priority.

I think most would agree the ffree is more valuable.

— why are OC_effectiveness, slowTrack, brank peer comparison .. bother me so much? Wrong priority !

I feel career longevity is a good target.

I feel health and family harmony are more important than those wrong priorities.

I personally think carefree is more important than those wrong priorities.