mid-year review 2016

I can understand most of the negative feedback. Some of them are within my capabilities but some aren’t.

Refuse to feel weak, inadequate, inferior, or old. Some past jobs are also too demanding — part of the GS job, part of the Citi-muni job.

Welcome the opportunity to start again somewhere else, though I will not give up improving myself on this job. The effort and attitude to keep improving myself is good for my spirit, my image, my self-image

It’s possible that managers may have already concluded I am not fit for the job (I won’t speculate) but that would be understandable and I will handle that situation well.

It’s painful but we can convert that to less hazardous energy, with a mental shift.

Some may say the situation is painful, but I will be kind, supportive to myself just as I am to my wife or my son. I won’t beat myself.

I like the let-go tips in https://btv-open.dreamhosters.com/2009/12/13/avoid-the-pain-in-this-tough-situation-and-live-with-peace-of-mind/ so I added a few:

  • I need (and have) the serenity to accept the things I can’t change.
  • Yes we CAN live through this tough situation with peace. Much less severe than health issues
  • put in 80% effort rather than straining myself with 100% effort, which may not help a lot but puts too much strain on self and family
  • don’t worry if manager still complains about efficiency — i have done my best so nothing more to strive for.
  • Do what I can and leave the rest to God
  • layoff is not bad for me and family, seriously
  • Xia Rong’s suggestion — separate my effort. On work projects, set a clear goal to keep the job; Outside the office, work on the US relocation. If unable to keep the job then it’s fine.

no-minimum-effort ^ 背水一战

Depending on the personality, the age and the situation, sometimes it’s effective to reassure our kids (or tell ourselves, or tell our spouse) that there’s no minimum requirement on your effort. Any try is good.

Best eg: invite someone to sing something

Sometimes it’s more effective to highlight the reality that unless we put up a good fight, result is bound to be painful. So no choice. 背水一战, 破釜沉舟. Sometimes we have to give this message to our kids. We often feel tempted to exaggerate it. I think sometimes kids can tell. I now think it’s better to be truthful with our kids.

history@3concerns@boy

Background: There’s an implicit timeline hidden in my blog — I probably became serious in 2016. My preoccupations have been the relative positions among his peers:

  • AA) ownership —  efficiency, feet dragging,  consistent effort, study habits
  • BB) BBBbmark
  • CC) CCCChinese renzi
  • DD) DDDu2shu1 / reading habit

I will mark the key moments with “*”

# First I noticed he has no Eng/Chi reading habit or interest, unlike some other kids [DD]. I think our first home tuition was started in early P1 to get him to read more English. At that time English was his weakness.

# I noticed he had no daily routine [AA]. I chose piano as a daily routine when grandma was away in late 2015.

# I noticed his English spelling test prep was extremely inefficient [AA]. No motivation to get things done [AA]. So I tried to show him my phonic rules but it didn’t help at all.

*# Then in early 2016 I shifted focus to renzi (English improved significantly [BB]). I noticed his appalling retention (gou3xiong2 bai3 bang4zi) [CC]. I recognized his short runway ahead. Became very serious, even desperate. Had numerous discussions with teachers and fellow parents. Tried many, many ideas. Wrote dozens of blog posts.

# Soon I realized renzi is a symptom of a systemic condition – lack of ownership [AA]. I feel this condition requires tiring micro-management. I had to baby-sit him.

*# I formulated the roller coaster framework and the 3-capability-categories framework to manage the benchmark concern [BB]

All the while, Standardized benchmark [BB] was not a big concern to me. As Lin Yu puts it, they will enroll into universities for sure. DD is no longer an issue. So now within the roller coaster framework, I believe AA is the root cause, the differentiator.

## big stressors removed now what@@

k_bedBug_wisdom

  1. big stressor – H1b
  2. big stressor – not getting the contexx for c++
  3. big stressor – UChicago
  4. big stressor – PSLE
  5. acute stressor – FXO trading
  6. acute stressor – Willson running away
  7. acute stressor – bed bug
  8. big stressor – boy’s logical, abstract thinking capacity
  9. stressor – boy zero reading habit
  10. stressor – my weight
  11. stressor – boy’s English weakness (Chinese is less important)
  12. big stressor – boy concentration – inability to learn anything whatsoever

All eliminated (not just reduced) But why I don’t feel lighter?

##[16]some high-level risks+cornerstones

k_soul_search

I usually prefer specific, low-level lists, but this one can be high-level. see also https://btv-open.dreamhosters.com/2015/12/21/major-stressors-over-the-years/

Risk – difficulty re-entering USA
Risk – difficulty with UChicago
Risk – age discrimination
Risk – narrowing career path
Risk – health issue – Grandma or Grandpa, or wife. My cholesterol is causing some problems.
Risk – marriage
Risk – kids becoming rebellious
Risk – diminishing competitiveness on job market

The cornerstones (roughly ranked)

  1. my own career longevity — rockbed
  2. health n fitness, rest, mental fitness –> confidence, freedom
  3. marriage – stable and supportive
  4. kids well-being and exams
  5. wife’s career
  6. savings, bx, investment

Ebbinghaus forgetting curve – 2 phenomena

http://baike.baidu.com/view/408793.htm points out 两种现象

第一种现象为随意学习,复习的间隔时间过长,每一次复习的时间都是在一个学习内容完全被遗忘之后,等于(exaggerated!)重新开始学习,这就是老记老忘的现象,即已不能累积。

第二种现象为过度重复学习,复习的频率过高 (really? who?),每一次复习的时间都是在一个学习内容记忆犹新的时候就去复习,学习的效率不高,影响学习进度。

最科学的方法应该是在一个学习内容将被遗忘的时间点(也就是最佳记忆点)去复习,再一次加深记忆痕迹,同样复习次数达到最佳的学习效果。

bedbug+covid: marginalROI

k_bedBug_wisdom k_X_power_descriptor

See also post about heuristics bedbug heuristics:where, how many,spreading speed,weekly check

For the control freak, it is world-changing to realize that

  • A) One one hand, bed bug are indeed found “all over the places on your premise” such as books, toys, electronics, wall cracks, sockets. Some of these are hard to treat.
  • B) On the other hand, the statistics/heuristics tell us if you discover them early, before an infestation develops, they mostly hide on the bed and nowhere else.
  • C) To defeat your tireless effort completely, bedbugs can migrate from a neighbor or be brought into your premise any time, like a Poisson process, with a lambda in the magnitude of once a year. See the story about Rex cinema. Therefore, the perfectionist practices aren’t worth the effort.

Most of the professional advice and articles (such as http://www.bedbugs.umn.edu/bed-bug-control-in-residences/laundering-bedbug-control/) try to be thorough and knowledgable so they stress (A) and talk about  airtight containers \\ treating the neighbor homes \\ heat-treat your clothes everyday \\ immediately … They see bed bugs as invisible pollutants in a clean room

However, look at the marginal cost vs marginal benefit. For a light infestation, the diminishing return is staggering —

The “effort” includes the clean-up, preparation, (before spray) protection of books + children’s items, airtight containers .., tumble-dry every clothing+linen and seal them in air-tight containers, and moving out to hotel.

Bedbugs are as invisible as asymptomatic carrriers of covid19! They have been observed on (and therefore can hide in) any plastic, wood, fabric, paper, even metal. But this line of thinking ignores the difference in likelyhood. Fabric is 100 times more likely than metal to hide bedbugs! Let’s use covid19 as illustration.

  • 14D quarantine for every visitor can probably uncover 99.9% of the cases
  • 21D quarantine for every visitor can probably uncover 0.05% more but look at the cost on the millions of visitors worldwide.  Marginal cost is too high and marginal benefit too low!

Singapore MOT decided to relax the strict quarantine requirement for visitors from low-risk countries such as China (even more relaxed for NewZealand) to balance the prevention and survival of aviation sector, a pillar supporting the SG economy.

On a larger scale, a government can hope to achieve more “airtight” prevention by requiring everyone including new-borns to wear medical style full gowns outside their homes, but

  • at what marginal cost in enforcement and equipment?
  • at what marginal benefit? It will never be 100% airtight 🙁

Several Asian countries re-imposed covid19 lockdown for a week or two, not a month or two. Marginal cost/benefit is a key consideration.

I now prefer a philosophical view — bedbugs (along with other pests and hazards) are everywhere around us so we have no choice but coexist with them in peace. We can’t eradicate them. We need pragamtic treatments rather than aiming for 100% protection for 100 years. We can’t live in clean rooms or drink only distilled water. We need to embrace the small unavoidable risks like a light infestation.

Similarly, for covid19, we need to stop asking “is the vaccin 100% protective”. We need efficient treatments because some failure in protection is inevitable.

Assumption — hazardous when sprayed on toys. Under this and other “strict” assumptions, we have no choice but to
+ hot-dry every fabric item and seal up
+ spray every toy then wash each one later on — impossible
+ spray every furniture then clean each one later on
++ remove everything including heavy books from inside furniture to as to spray inside
++ move furniture off the wall to spray behind
+ somehow deal with the hundreds of books — impossible
Sadly, you can’t hire someone to sort your family belongings 🙁
So this level of treatment is probably needed for a heavy infestation, but with a single sighting, some people do the same, on professional advice!

stress – common features

(I don’t know where this blog belongs… see also the folder in recoll…)

1) There is plenty of academic research on stress, each requiring a precise definition for what (doesn’t) qualifies as stress.
2) There are also popular self-help materials on stress, which usually require a working definition.

I’m not keen about what (doesn’t) qualifies as stress. I think it’s more useful to focus on stress management. However, as we try and uncover the common threads running through various stressors, we often come up with our own working definition. Given the rich literature and research on stress, this is my shot to get a relatively high-level (but not vague) view of common stressors.

A common category of stressor is a choice. No choice, no stress.

A category of stressor is the need to …. stay vigilant without enough opportunity to relax. These have a physiological dimension. Imagine a battle field general…. In software development, some coders frequently fail to cover the important edge cases, unless they put themselves on full alert — stressful.

A common feature of stressors is ….. a ticking clock. The best remedy is early preparation.

A common feature of stressors is the demand of …. self-discipline, self-restraint and self-control. Suppose you promise to wash up after every meal…

A reasonable definition of stress is “the negative feelings when you Think that the demands on you is more than you can handle” but this would be a slightly narrow definition and disqualifies a lot of layman’s stress. Nevertheless it captures a key ingredient and common thread. If something is completely beyond our control we actually feel off the hook and not responsible for it, but some things are supposed to be our duty but too hard. High expectation.

An important aspect of most stressors is the physiological response and health effect. Anger, lost sleep, lost concentration, binge, drop in motivation to work out …

— Above are fundamental or common features of most stressors. Here are some interesting patterns in small subsets.–

Many stressors involve …. (potential) loss of money in various forms. I feel the damage of worry can be worse than the damage of actual loss.

Having many concurrent long-lasting tasks can be more stress than completing some to reduce multitasking. However at work multitasking is very common.