manish saw me for more than 40 minutes, then Galvin (Prorject manager) saw me, then Ian saw me. Total 1.5 hours. I think this round of interview is not a technical interview, but a personality interview or compatibility interview.
Galvin asked many things about programming frustrations, effort estimation, dealing with difficult clients, team conflicts, my role in the team …
Ian asked a few things about what projects/industry i enjoy most.
Some of these describe-your-* questions can be opportunities to impress interviewers, if only i had convincing stories to tell. IN the end, i gave generic (vague, superficial), simplistic, but quick and truthful answers.
I asked a few relatively in-depth questions about various things they said, and they liked the questions. I think all 3 of them expect candidates to ask intelligent questions. Future candidates could prepare some intelligent questions.
Thanks for your tips, i was prepared for questions on agile (by Galvin) and scrum (by Manish)
Your candid feedback would be appreciated. We can all get better.
I was very conscious of my decision to choose her. Compared to her, US opportunities are not imp to me. Family (along with health) is far
more imp than $. At this stage, SG offers a good default plan to fall back on
i made the right choice to come here to the U.S.
I made the right choice to switch to Unix and then J2EE.
i made the right choice to focus on open source and then change focus.
– i was not blaming her. i was pointing out what she is not doing. – i gave a few concrete eg, better than nothing. – i was not too repetitive. Some repetition is effective at driving home a point. – i offered her some suggestions to improve her situation.
– i was not too emotional. Some emotion is required for the power and persuasion.
– i was not complaining about her as before.
– i identified that her most needed skill for self-help is inet research skill.
– i didn't make an impulsive decision like “this is unacceptable”
– After a while i was flexible enough to accept her suggestion
– i immediately accepted her “nap” argument
– i didn't repeat my answer “i try not to call you, but sometimes I need to.”
– gr8 effort: i did explain why i don't want to wait till I come home to communicate with her
– gr8 effort: i did wait for about 2 hours before calling her 2nd time.
– when i realized she was not in good mood, i was silent for a few seconds instead of blurting out some senseless remark
Right before his Bali holiday, tanko met me one last time – identify the important things in your life and slow down with them – which is more imp when u go over there? family or work?
> > – greed — deep-rooted > isn’t it human nature, why bother?
am talking about my own greed, which is not very different from other people’s greed. I think Buddhists (not sure about other religions) tend to talk more about one’s own greed and how to cleanse one’s own heart. I feel it’s everyone’s lifelong homework to cleanse his own heart and soul and reduce the contamination of greed (and anger, selfishness, dillusion…). In my case, the presence of greed is clearly felt because it rears its ugly head (like a snake) every few days and I struggle to put it down (like a wild fire).
eg: I still feel driven by the desire to get better paid jobs. I wish I have a bigger heart for my wife, my mother in law, my cousins in china, my sister. My mind seldom dwells on these people cos it’s preoccupied by financial improvement. I guess I calculate too much — typical of an engineer but also typical of a greedy businessman.
Do I need to give an example to prove I have a deep-rooted problem of greed? I don’t think so. As you said it’s a problem affecting everyone. I don’t like the greed in my heart but I can’t get rid of it.
In your case, maybe you don’t see such a smelly corner inside you (like a heap of rotten fish), or maybe you are less greedy than most people and therefore you feel quite clean by contrast, although you are not free of the contamination?
15) The difference in our self-discipline is going to affect our relationship. “now i slowly understand why u were not moving up in your work and earlier as a student. I don’t like this kind of people, like my sister, lazy students..” She said “yes i’m a lazy student”
20) she then burst out defending herself “so i can’t be a proper student unless i study 24 hours a day? … ” i argued back, not knowing this debate that just started was heading for an abrupt /ending/?/. Her final words — “i don’t think i did anything wrong.” Obviously (not so obvious then) she didn’t hear my real emphasis (growing tension etc). Forever she would remember the entire /episode/ as nothing more than tanbin’s criticism . Her style (unclear to me then) was “ignore whatever he says once i am done with my explanations”.
32) she lied down and became stubbonly silent as i spent 15 minutes in a /monologue/ describing “tolerance, patience” and “marriage is work, communication is work”. She covered her ears. I read it as /defiance/, /non-cooperation/ and /protest/.
41) i was scared about the /unvoiced/?/ feelings beneath her silence so i asked for her response, which didn’t come.
50) After what seems to be a long while, She said she only watched a bit of tv drama and didn’t commit a crime. Obviously (but not obvious then) she heard only the introduction part of my multi-part message — criticism. She blamed me for making such a fuss. i felt guilty about the fuss.
Guilt was the #1 power player in the entire /episode/. Unknowingly, I was constantly comparing myself to “better” husbands but the comparison only paralyzed me as i couldn’t follow their style. i felt guilty for lack of sympathy of her physical condition. i was scared that we might end the day feeling hurt on both sides. My reactions were too complex for my internal “control-tower” to handle. Overwhelmed. Slowly losing confidence and control.
65) she said repeatedly it was too late and she had to get up early. My position (unclear at that time) on this rests on 2 points — 1) several minutes, even 1 or 2 hours aren’t serious. 2) unresolved conflict will affect both persons’ sleep. However i was defending my position against repeated attack of guilt.
72) i felt i had opened a deep opening in my heart and was completely sincere trying to build a bridge “why u can’t show a bit of acknowledgement. it won’t take more than 5 min.” i felt ignored and hurt. but i also felt stupid/guilty for expecting too much from someone of her maturity. 对牛弹琴. Until now i don’t know if i was speaking /unintelligible/!/ Eng/Chinese or she refused to listen.
Looking back (unknown to me then), I think she didn’t want to listen. she just wanted me to stop, and she could sleep. I wouldn’t stop without some simple ackknowledgement which isn’t too much to ask for ??. Her top priority is a quick ending. My top priority was acknowledgement.
Unknown to me: Faced with difficult communications, my reaction is elaborate, verbose, sincere and open communication, bridge-building, opening up myself, reaching over… Her reaction is “explain myself once and leave it to fate. No need to reopen the topic.”
75) i suggested “can u take leave and we have a proper talk tonight?”. — i was seeing a growing seed of communication barrier..
81) finally the dam burst and she threw her temper and kicked me. i fell silent for a while (which is good) ….
Compared to some of my present and past colleagues in IT jobs, I feel I’m more value-driven, less money-driven, more keen on inner-growth, less keen on glory, more knowledge-seeking, less comfort-seeking.
I don’t dream of being rich as much as I dream of being secure.
I do want to give my kids the best opportunities.
Some younger guys talk about retiring at 30 something. I never fancy that. Like my dad, I enjoy working till my last breath. Work means value. All my life I have carried a sense of value whatever I pursue.