Tag: t_stillVague

##[19] random adversities: coping strategies+outcomes

Posted on by tiger40490

k_soul_search

Many random adversities fall on us throughout our everyday lives… Each individual is better at handling some categories of adversities.  Can we learn from each other the coping strategies .. such as my SMS self-talk and expressive writing?

  • [:) = “lucky” or “coping very well” ]
  • [+/-G3 = one of the best/worst 3 adversities that I have to handle]
  • [f=fake crises]
  • +G3 school problems.. Looking back at MSFM and earlier schools, i had relatively few problems.
    • huge t-spend
    • 🙂 difficulty in the subject
    • 🙂 distraction
    • Yixin need to learn the coping strategies … what are they?
  • +G11 loss of drive on self-learning (coding drill, QQ..)
  • +G7 regular workout can generate many unpleasant surprises … but laziness lead to long-term wellness deterioration.
    • Also, exercise (incl yoga) make us feel mentally stronger against other adversities
  • medical issues (esp. with babies and aged) are inevitable
    • 🙂 sexual health issues are very common .. we are lucky
  • +G11 immigration problems .. so far I handled them well .. inner strength
  • +G11 criminal charge, credit history blemish.. I panicked then I asked around for advice, and gathered evidence
  • – G7 in-law communication problems
  • – [f] gadget anxiety — consumer technology (gadgets, services) can generate frustrations, regrettable buys … complexity.. a necessary evil
  • 🙂 credit card — credit score, missed payment…a necessary evil
  • car ownership can generate more surprises than walking or biking..
    • car wear-n-tear
  • – [f] G22 old friends turning cold .. i tend to take it personally and and feel bad
  • – [f] loss of belongings
  • +G7 /investment woes/ … my worries are proportional to the exposure. I have coped well with them so far .. personal strength
  • +G3: job market “realities” — kind of builds my strength, a parachute giving me lots of confidence and freedom from care
  • – G1: negative review -> PIP — turned out to be my #1 heaviest Blow/fear

visProgress n time utilization

Posted on by tiger40490

I have an uncommon and unreasonable view that most of my waking hours should produce tangible “return” like learning, self-improvement, fitness or help kids learn.

Q: how about reading on parenting or just newspaper? I do allow myself but in hind sight I often feel bad. I feel worse if the reading is not so mainstream, like …

I now feel personal growth doesn’t have to produce self-glorification. How about cooking, kite-flying, dancing, sight seeing … without any talent whatsoever.

— Though I don’t have many examples, now I think most individuals who make more money don’t view their personal time as raw materials for a manufacturing process.

However, salary is a very poor proxy for success, as poor as net worth, brank etc. A less poor proxy is brbr and Fuller wealth (after achieving health)

[17] family-level stocktaking #10 items

Posted on by tiger40490
  1. GC on-track
  2. wife career growth
  3. good, well-adjusted, healthy kids
  4. healthy grand parents
  5. long term (+retirement) cash-flow well-planned thanks to properties and the excellent environment of Singapore
  6. tech career longevity esp. in the U.S.
    1. still no growth direction
    2. mgr prospect dim .. painful to compare with them
  • — the unremarkable
  • stable marriage
  • good education ….
  • reasonable income
  • health

 

##[17] American dream4%%family: 7 items

Posted on by tiger40490

Warning — Try your best to avoid benchmarking yourself on the wrong histogram. (Relatively few Chinese immigrants move up.) Even if other people are more successful, I don’t want to care. This is MY American dream for MY family (Ranked by importance):

  1. /modest/ home —- safe, comfortable. See blog about rich people with multiple homes
    1. commute —- below 1Hr one-way (Important to me)
    2. my dream home could cost $800k
  2. Chinese-teaching job for wife
  3. salary —- modest VP package with paid leaves or more money without leaves. Achievable
  4. $50k/yr —- surplus savings
  5. rental income —- from Asia? Achievable
  6. ~~~~ the obvious, the minor, the vague…
  7. high school —- a decent one? Depends on their effort + abilities
  8. /modest/ vacations —- each year
  9. health —- for everyone

HDB grant —- upgrade to newer but smaller home. Free up the cash as relief for my U.S. housing

tough adjustments(US++) build resilience+adaptability

Posted on by tiger40490

This kinda adjustment is tough, really stressful .. on anybody going through it. (Most people would avoid it. They say they avoid unnecessary risk, but subconsciously they also want to avoid the adjustments and stress.)

On the other hand, the stressful adjustment could also, in theory, build our strength, resilience and adaptability. Grandpa reminded me repeatedly — U.S. change is a positive change, a change for the better.

Look at [[who moved my cheese]]. There is a big “change” in the world we live in. I won’t elaborate again – Sg IT job market not right for me long term. Another potentially big driver — boy may do better in the US education system.

Many individuals stick to a comfort zone and become highly efficient and productive therein. I tend to see them as weakened. Can they adjust to a changing world? I would doubt majority of them could.

For illustration, Let me list no more than 8 (unrelated) adjustments in my career:

  • expensive part time Master’s, putting myself to a tough test
  • leaving the Perl comfort zone
  • planning to try West coast
  • taking up the BGC investment
  • the GS pressure cooker
  • taking up windows dev. c# per se is much easier
  • wife taking diploma at her age

##[15] effective(?) destressors #random list

Posted on by tiger40490

If we look closely at the deep stressors (https://btv-open.dreamhosters.com/2015/12/21/major-stressors-over-the-years/), we should be able to find some very effective shields against the assault of stressors:

focus on the core issues (rest will be fine)
use urg^imp quadrant
parenting wisdom and best practices
cheap furniture
have spares but avoid buying bulk — asking for stress

–Stress protectors:
early planning, the earlier the better
sufficient savings
good health
strong family
support network
balanced, controlled diet (Avoid buffet)

–Stress relief:
exercise
sleep

 

wholesome habits for body and soul

Posted on by tiger40490

Background — we met for Independence Day 2009…. I went back to Singapore fetching my wife and kids.

Hi XR,

Do you get regular exercise? jogging? (I went for a nice and long jog while in S’pore. Need to find time to get back to the Gym next week.)

Do you eat more “American” food nowadays. Those tend to be less healthy than home cooked food. (I now have my wife cooking my meals.)

Do you get a few good laughters every day? On radio, on TV, on a magazine, or better still with a friend? (I am far too serious with my wife, but once a while I get a bit light-hearted with my colleagues. I used to enjoy reading jokes on Reader’s Digest…)

Do you help some strangers every week? I feel this is good for our heart.

Do you help some friends (like you helped me) every week?

Do you forgive someone every week? (i need to get back into this habit.)