Tag: t_stillVague

7dangerous habits #compliance

Posted on by tiger40490

k_X_compliance

  • [a_numeral = actual count of occurrences , without ambiguity]
  • — (risk of) injury, handicaps
  • [9 G3] crossing street esp. on bike(or foot), esp. at a RED light
  • [0] dangers with power drill .. In contrast, cutting mangos … is slightly less powerful
  • [0] surprise “attacks” on meimei -> hitting sharp objects or losing balance
  • — hurting someone’s feelings
  • misspeaking to a colleague with disrespect, in an unguarded moment.. In contrast, I’m more careful when writing, and misspeaking to a vendor is less damaging.
  • — other items
  • [3 G3] MLP __compliance__  misstep
  • [3 G3] Saliva flying to other people’s face, when I speak passionately… Mask can help
  • [2] My hand accidentally touching someone’s private parts, such as hips or thigh.

Note this list of habits are not all “missteps”.

##get@the offensive+proactive

Posted on by tiger40490

k_tectonic

Sometimes I feel fed up with reacting to stressors. “Let’s be proactive and get on the offensive… higher ground … build up stronger defenses around my vulnerable spots like 黄河大堤” 人往高处走. In this blogpost, I want to stay close to the theme, and minimize overlap with Do reduce annoyances b4 stress spikes #preemptive.

  • — parenting .. help kids develop life skills
  • spending habit
  • — wellness
  • BMI deep-green zone
  • aggressive fasting like Bayonne
  • more raw veg but only when hungry. The pre-emptive fill is an ineffective “offensive”.
  • — gz
  • Dram-refresh on tech blog, esp. c++ critical mass maintenance
  • more xref in tech blog
  • seek opportunities to join friends in coding interviews.
  • fuxi localSys .. notes and emails
  • — financial
  • learn essential DIY (among other skills) preemptively, since U.S. handymen are expensive
  • build up batteries/war-chest well in advance for U.S. housing

Paradoxically, these “offensives” don’t feel like stress relief. (Therefore, this blogpost is not exactly about stress per se.) Let’s be specific.

Q: will more stock investment gains improve or exacerbate my stress profile?
%%A: probably exacerbate. In my recent experience, it doesn’t preempt any stress. However, stock picking is a positive recreation and somewhat therapeutic when I focus on analysis, buy-n-forget with ad-hoc retrospective (not babysitting). The focus is crucial, similar to the focus on [[ARM]], [[Doug Lea]], Oracle experiments, and many other dry subjects.

Q: will a higher salary in a crypto shop improve or exacerbate my stress profile?
%%A: won’t be better than EPA job ! I care less about exclub/FOLB nowadays.

[23]carefree: how2restore@@

Posted on by tiger40490

k_all_green_dashboard

See also

  • bpost on steadfast focus

Bubble burst .. How do I repair my bubble of bliss?

Derailed .. How do I get back on track?

Resilience

— in early Dec 2023 “bachelor mode”, I was slightly more carefree.

time_freedom … I don’t have commitments to kids or come home early. I have time_freedom. I can spend more time at work and get to higher ground.

diet, exercise, sleep .. I have better self-control in these areas

Drawback: no intimacy, but so far, this drawback is far outweighed. I think when we stop sexual intercourse altogther, due to againg, I will adjust to the change.

— calm between storms / all-green dashboard .. After overcoming some pff/wellness challenges, I would breath a sigh of relief. The xpSelf would experience real boost to financial security (though rmSelf may not recognize it).

This experience is primarily a comparison against recent past.

Secondly, This experience is also a reminder that my peers have numerous common stressors that I don’t notice.

Therefore, an all-green dashboard is rare. My carefree ezlife is invariably a calm between storms.

— some specific factors/actions, half ranked within each category by note-worthiness [not bland, not vague] and effectiveness

  • address the big stressors. They tend to dominate my stressor profile.
  • more outing with boy .. good bonding one-to-one
  • more outing with family .. tend to highlight the carefree joy
  • — self-care,
  • [o] commute .. put commute time to better use, with L36
  • more time for blogg and blog clean-up
  • more quiet time … in office, library, stadium, MRT,,,
  • more email with friends. Some meet-up when needed
  • — gz .. many efforts have the potential to erode “carefree” 
  • Progress more slowly .. see bpost on 细水长流
  • [d] company projects .. make progress on weekends/evenings. Capture the power-surge/engagement
  • [o] prod support … take on more, but this may not give “carefree”
  • [d] JIV body-building .. get back on it perhaps at home .. python, Dram-refresh, FIX
  • — wellness
  • [o] workout .. keep it up. They are likely to improve carefree mood, but you may need to be patient.
  • among various workouts, jogg offers slightly more stress-reduction
  • [o] BMI deeper green .. but this target is as unattainable as flexibility improvement
  • [o] stand more
  • [o] earlier sleep.. aim for 7!9H
  • [o] more self-yoga? Not enjoyable or relaxing. Not really helpful with carefree.
  • [0=offensive]
  • [d=defensive]

MTBF: all-green #calmBtwStorm #CB2022

Posted on by tiger40490

 

k_all_green_dashboard  k_X_power_descriptor

(This blogpost may need to be absorbed into the bubble-ball post, or the blackhole post)

Scope: This bpost is mostly (not strictly) about everyday stress, mini-storms, rather than disasters [swans or missteps]. This bpost is the twin sister of longPeace bpost.

I have this vague sense of carefree comfort zone or utopia. I need a better criteria for the _loss_ of this carefree feeling. Nowadays, I tend to spend half my time outside this comfort zone.

  • One way to describe the situation is the bubble ball. When it bursts or derails we know we have lost the carefree feeling. We can call it mean time between bursts, but the criteria is very vague.
  • another way to describe it is the relative calm between (often minor) storms. This metaphor is mentioned in ##bubble at risk@derail`] storms+blackholes
  • A better characterization is the all-green big-brother dashboard. BigBrother is a system monitoring tool I used in 2001-2003. I remember it says if any system component has an issue, you will see some red or amber. If you find yourself in a sea of green then you are very lucky. When a sufficient number of reds show up, then we know we have lost the carefree /utopia/.

The most common stressors are

  1. disasters/storms .. See the Scope statement
  2. dissatisfaction blackholes ..
  3. .. (involuntary?) benchmarking against arbitrary, unreasonable standards .. We are often encouraged, nudged, persuaded to compare with other people. Those trainers do that all the time.

A single stressor [like BMI or BGC title] is often “ring-fenced” thanks to my various white_blood_cells [resilience, self-esteem, stress prevention/reduction/protections,,,], but a random combination of stressors can often derail/burst my bubble and even threaten the “camel’s back“.

— CB2022 .. A hard lesson on MTBF .. Soon after publishing this blogpost, I hit the CB2022 disaster. We can call it a storm, a misstep or a swan event. My blissful carefree life, my Almost all-green dashboard suddenly turned into huge red. I’m forced to confront the bitter consequences of pro-active resignation from an extremely comfortable job, that I assumed to last a few years.

— passive acceptance ^ unrealistic utopia .. the balance
On one hand, we often have to accept that life is unpredictable so the all-green state is a utopian condition, unlikely to last very long.

On the other hand, we want to guard against passive Acceptance. We do want process-improvement for better quality control, put in place preventive systems/processes, and reduce if not eliminate recurring issues.

Perhaps a hidden support factor for the utopia is a sustained focus on the positive parts of my current life. When I become busy I usually focus on the problems that need System2 (including dissatisfaction blackholes) and therefore lose sight of the positives.

##[19]peaceful leisure@waterfront park: rude awaken`

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k_soul_search

See also

In 2020, I told grandpa that I often felt happy (satisfied!), peaceful (stress-lite),,, when spending time at a well-maintained waterfront park like east coast, Bayonne, Bishan park,,, Since then, this blogpost has slowly shifted focus from Happiness to Peaceful leisure. Peace meaning absence of stress. Now I think many individuals in many countries can enjoy the same /amenities/. But let’s focus on my peers in China, SG and U.S. Again, my immediate focus is the common or persistent stressors, because I’ve found myself rather sensitive to stress. Stress is the enemy of carefree, peaceful leisure at waterfront parks.

I realize that the VAST majority of the world population (and majority of my broad peer group) struggle against some common adversities, that threaten to spoil their brief peaceful leisure… rude awakening!

  • — a random list of rude awakenings, half ranked by the (unpleasant) impact on peaceful leisure. I prefer specfic details
  • [X] divorce or unsatisfactory marriage .. the severe cases. I now feel divorce has permanent legal consequences, though some divorcees do overcome those consequences almost completely (few “completely”).
  • family disharmony .. domestic aggression, in-law conflicts
  • [aLS] (chronic) health conditions, contributing to rising healthcare cost
    • infertility, eating disorder, hair loss, hearing loss (my mom), allergies, aging eyesight, sexual difficulties
  • [5] overwork, burn-out, work stress, abusive boss .. the severe cases
  • [5] lack of spare time for unwind, recuperation, recharge, and rest, perhaps due to long commute, long work hours, parenting, care-giver duty, long wait time on the phone
  • [5aLSX] housing cost, or poor housing condition including long commute.  Residents would presumably have less time but would want to spend more time get-away…
  • [5LSX] job insecurity (esp. older workers, unskilled workers), displacements. Remember the covid19 mass layoff affecting thousands of Singaporeans. Many are seriously worried.
  • mortgage rate hike as experienced in 2022 .. often increasing monthly int accural by $1k for many years. A rude awakening
  • See also [4]. This bpost was initially a 2023 snapshot of long-term recurring stressors
  • ~~~~~ the generic, the vague, not directly relevant to peaceful leisure, or items marked with [a],  ….
  • GreenCard long queue affecting Indian H1b holders .. often generates good news and bad news
  • [5SX] unhealthy lifestyle due to lazybones, overeating, busy work/parenting
  • conflict or grievances at work .. the severe cases
  • [SX] kid’s academic trouble, behavior, drugs, bullying
  • [S] short-term (effect of long-term) inflation, esp. in housing, education and medical
  • [L] major investment woes that threaten to wipe out 5Y of savings (250k).
  • bedbugs
  • [5aX] weight, body image, fitness # my son was slightly overweight
  • [5aLS] cost of basic (“luxury” for the cmcUS) education
  • [aLSX] below-average income, often due to lack of specialized skills # wife, Bayonne roommates… My kids may land there too.
  • — legend:
  • [a=these /struggles/ are long and hard, but the individual gets adapted to them so the damages don’t keep growing over time]
  • [L=livelihood stress]
  • [S=a focus of the Singapore nanny state, but NOT U.S. governments]
  • [5=affecting more than 50% of my peers]
  • [X=my own effort is at least half the reason for my carefree situation]

So yes most of us can find joy in a lovely waterfront park, but I’m more protected , more blessed than most of the people in the world.

— portrait of affluence .. The image of waterfront leisure park has been increasingly popular and prevalent, for 20Y+. This imagery is a common theme online among 1) the overseas Chinese 2) westerners [Caucasians]. These are two groups of authors having the deepest influence during my formative years.

The overseas Chinese authors often include the images as a /glimpse/ of their “good life” in the west relative to China. A related portrait would be a family road trip in a SUV, or the busy trip preparation, in a family yard.

This theme symbolizes affluence (or wealth) in time and $. That includes work-life balance, reasonable working hours,,. At a secondary level, it also suggests street safety, a sustainable ecosystem, a resourceful local government, plenty of well-maintained green space for a given human population (no overcrowding), ,,,

##lifelong struggles@@ Am battle-tested: diet++

Posted on by tiger40490

k_Promethean_struggle

When I describe to friends diet restrictions (mine or otherwise), we often feel “This self-discipline is achievable perhaps for a year, but not for a lifetime”. It is a Promethean struggle and demands a /herculean/ self-discipline.

Today I decided to challenge this perception. I think there is lots of evidence that I (you too) have fought many lifelong battles and they didn’t tire me down.

— resist the brainwash, cosmic-ray of self-pity in the context of peer-benchmark
wrong priorities
OC-effective
— eg@Promethean: yoga
On the other hand, my forward-bend daily practice in Sec 1 was clearly unsustainable, torturous
— eg@Promethean: chin-up .. see separate blogpost
— eg: coding drill .. a harder struggle for my peers than for me
— eg: English listening, speaking, writing … felt like a lifelong battle until middle of my NUS years
review English vocab .. not a battle for me, but for other peple such as millions of English learners
==== less specific, milder (but lifelong) struggles
— eg: take the stairs once a while when everyone is taking the elevator/escalator
— eg@Promethean: brushing/flossing teeth, esp. with fixed retainer
— eg: math .. a struggle for my kids, and most students until they can opt out like in high school

##(naturalSelection) Adapt2environment||nature #dhost

Posted on by tiger40490

yoga^BMI: opamp response to signals was written in the same week and offers a different perspective on some common topics.

To make this blogpost less vague, I will try to focus on the title theme. Adaptation is key to the natural selection framework and system. Successful species (are not defined-as but) tend to be those who adapt to their “environment” [i.e. forces, nature, obstacles, limitations,,,].
* Sometimes these individuals need to understand, accept and follow the environment
* Sometimes these individuals need to influence the (small) environment

eg: Engineering science provides vivid illustrations — winter driving; covid19 vaccines; anti-rust coating (my gate).
eg: Singapore, among many small nations, has to adapt to the (internal and external) environments.
eg: Malaysia Chinese have to adapt. Asian Americans have to adapt.
However, this blogpost is about common challenges in life. In this context, the concept of “enviroment we must adapt to” is vague, so here are some examples:

eg: The OC-effective mantra emphasizes the importance of the team as the real environment to work within, but I tend to perceive the self as the most important “nature” I must adapt to. The self is hard to understand, hard to control, hard to predict.

eg: kids .. are a major “force” that I’m learning to cope with. Requires lots of adaptation, trial-n-error.

eg: OPE (Other people’s envy), exclub, FOMO .. is a powerful “force” but it’s mostly learned response to a previously neutral stimulus, a form of enculturation. It’s impossible to stay insulated, so yes everyone must adapt to this force

eg: AMB? It requires adaptation + continuous learning

— Our own wellness .. is a the most important goal of adaptation. It doesn’t receive enough sunshine, presumably because most of those below 50 have not suffered “enough” ill-health. In contrast, look at Kenneth’s desparation ..

My body flexibility is an obvious physical limitation I need to accept and adapt to.

Wellness includes mental wellbeing, but I try to avoid the over-generalized term “happiness”.

eg: mosquitos .. many adaptations. One of them is wearing socks to prevent overscratch

— self-assessment of adaptation ..  Adaptation is always trial-n-error .. repeated failures. Successes are rare, and progress slow. Personal success is largely determined by how well we adapt and change our habits/perceptions. For decades, I saw myself as non-adaptive. That’s largely because my closest allies continually pointed out I was too individualistic, paying insufficient attention to conventions and customs. Now in my late 40s, I see myself as better adapted than average:

  • domain: formal education + lifelong learning .. role models for most. The obstacles include memory capacity, setbacks, competition,
  • domain: interviews + GTD on-the-job… I have gravitated towards the environments where I can easily adapt to. I avoid aggressive environments like GS or Macq.
  • domain: family relationships + a few good friends.. the obstacles are personality differences, communication preferences, and lack of time to hear each other
  • domain: wellness .. the limitations are mostly biological
  • domain: pff .. the “forces” include brainwash; limited earning capacity; property inflation (biggest obstacles to many Chinese);
  • domain: immigration journey… I was unsatisfied [“left behind on a slow track” by those in N.A./Europe] in SG, so I adapted and tried Canadian process. In 2006 I hit a plateau and adapted to try the U.S. U.S. realities forced me to change our plan and gradually returned to SG (“for good”) . Realities of q3sg forced me to adapt again, and re-enter U.S.

(I list my successful “adapting” mostly to illustrate what “things” I adapt to.)

A few “adaptation” blockbusters:
* [adapting to exams++] Chinese compo was my weakness in primary school.
* [adapting to English environment] English was my huge handicap when I came to SG.
* [adapting to IV] C++ was a tough nut to crack ever since my first encounters in college. Now am seen as a pro.
* [adapting to immigration obstacles] Was left behind. Now I have an enviable immigration status.
* [adapting to brainwash, exclulb..] I felt inferior about brank. Now I have found the WSC harbour .

[18]jolt→Re-evaluation: priorities,perceptions #K.H

Posted on by tiger40490

k_divorce  … k_soul_search … k_CAD

You carefully compile a short list of “priority things” truly important to your family [1], then a jolt triggers a re-evaluation and soul-searching.

These jolts/shocks are unexpected events, sometimes a news about someone we know, a diagnosis,,,

Q: Was the original compilation immature, incomplete and over-thinking?
A: Not at all. It serves as a seed and a focal point.
A: Even if you discard the entire list, it is still worthwhile.
A: It’s also possible that after more jolts you revise your compilation and it may again look like the original. Eg: my WStC plan

[1] I call it a priority-list but it’s not a shopping list. Here, I will use various shades of blue (background shading > bold light font > dark font) to indicate a truly important priority to my family.

— CAD diagnosis .. forced me to prioritize career longevity, and quality of my twilight years
— minor eg: blog site blocked in office .. Every time my blog site was blocked by BlueCoat, I would get a minor jolt, and forced to re-evaluate my priorities.
— 2023 EDyw jolts ..
— 2018 news about YY.Tao .. was the seed/trigger of this blogpost. It was an _uncomfortable_  re-evaluation. Not all re-evaluations are this negative.
— CB2022 .. pushed up (in my priority list) the issues of attachment, carefree ezlife, near-perfect work/life balance
— 2022 K.Hu CV.. Since 2020, I often said (to myself + others) that it was “easy” for any decent guy to get into my firm (excellent benefits,,,) and into a nice team like mine.

Then in Apr 2022 I experienced a jolt moment when his CV was turned down. This jolt is easily forgotten, but it represents an utterly unexpected failure and deserves a deeper look. He has formidable talent, outstanding credentials, excellent work ethics, some technical breadth. So I expected him to definitely get a first round, and make a case for himself. He had often impressed trading/quant job interviewers. But this time his CV was turned down. Now I recall multiple SWE friends also lost at my firm due to CV or interview.

In reality, my firm is much more selective than I perceived… Bar is high, as Sophia.Cui once mentioned.

In reality, my base (also the bonus) is rather high, for a non-lead SWE of my age. This comp is probably not so “easy” nor common.

In reality, most SWE teams in my firm doesn’t share my level of stress [work-life balance, timelines, boss’s expectations, peer benchmark,,,]

Analogy: I enrolled at HJC and UChicago, thinking it was “easy”, until I read online that these schools are highly selective with tough acceptance rates.

See ##[21]Y feel`lucky about current job #R.Xia for other short-term factors

jolt: Whenever I wake up and find myself “raised to higher ground” compared to my peers, the trigger event is usually a job/pff event. However, more important are 1) health 2) family harmony, but these things are less visible to us as our perception is dominated by exclub and successC peer comparison.

minor jolt: Outstanding credentials might work against a candidates. Kun’s UChicago and MIT etc may highlight a competitive threat or make him overqualified.

— (No single memorable jolt) From high school to NUS year 1, my life goal was centered on academia [degrees, professorship, publication]. Due to Library Immersion, I was oblivion to what my peers were aiming at 5Y out.

  • Gradually, the hitherto unattractive managerial path became the dominant, overwhelming favorite choice among my cohort.
  • Through a series of “jolt” events and Aha moments, I even realized that some smart classmates were dead serious about investment or going into business.

So commercial value … emerged from the backstage to center stage. Academia has to create commercial value.