Tag: T_ska

open blog has a defining bpost and a comparison bpost

[16]tailor your lifestyle choices to minimize cost/comfort ratio

Posted on by tiger40490

Over the years in Singapore, we have tailored our life style choices to minimize t$ cost; meanwhile maximize comfort + convenience.

Before this happens, those _default_ choices were not efficient utilization of monthly t$ budget.

Need to go through the same customization in US or any new place.

* home very close to MRT
* easy access to exercise facilities
* low mortgage burden. A major recurring cost to many families
* bicycle
* library to borrow books and multimedia
* after-school care
* home (not center-based) tutor to reduce tcost
* low cost IDD
* free incoming mobile plans
* individual swimming lessons
* low-cost restaurant visits
* ping pong in office
* East coast park
* movies

* low cost laptops

* low cost plasma TV
* very few overseas vacations due to $t
* very few renovations – saved $70k
* avoid expensive pre-schools – not worth it at all

幸福:2cornerstones #breakaway^goodLife

Posted on by tiger40490

k_mellow k_def_of_success

See also

This bpost needs more clarity, to avoid becoming yet another forgettable analysis.

TJ.Lin: comfort zone guarded by internal^external protections is a simpler, earlier version of the GG+BB framework. GG is an external driver of my 幸福. BB is an internal driver.

— /genesis/ and intro .. In Sep 2022, when grandpa once against said my 幸福感 was precious and admirable, I realized that my 幸福 [peaceful contentment, successE, fat-n-happy, carefree ezlife] is rare (among my cohort) in two ways — GG) “good life” BB) breakaway. Both are impermanent in the Buddhist sense…. but I’m slowly growing confident.

As to the English translation, I feel /contentment/ is the more apt word than satisfaction.

— GG) By many objective yardsticks (data-based), my current life is a precious good life, not common even among the WSt elite.

However, I try to keep my feet on the ground — this “good life” is impermanent and utopian.

This “Good life” is more successE[cashflow, wellness, harmony] than successC.

— BB)  there are numerous imperfections in my “good life” that are commonly perceived as less-than-enviable, but as if by magical power I have progressively /neutralized/ and embraced them, and gradually mellowed up, breaking away from the common wrong priorities of the rat race.

Breakaway requires bold, independent thinking, honest and incisive self-evaluation, serenity, relying on self-knowledge advantage.

A small subset of the imperfections are listed below. Sometimes I perceive these imperfections as character building, tests of conviction, hard lessons.  Serenity is still badly needed whenever I find my blissful bubble derailed into a storm. There have been no big storm since 2018… reminds me of the long peace after WW2. A minor storm — boy in late 2023.

Crucially for my current 幸福 , my center of gravity is progressively shifting away from the wrong priorities [successsC, exclub,,,] towards wellness [including mental], successZ+E,,, I refer to it as a bold breakaway.

— Q1: What specific elements in GG or BB have improved (starting sometime in 2018) that give rise to my current 幸福感?

  • (BB+GG) anxiety/disappointment about boy….  Boy improved, but more crucially, I mellowed up more than his mom.
  • (GG) PIP .. appr by manager.
  • (BB) FOLB… I had many discussions with S.Liu, YY.T.
  • — for decades, above are the big-3 derailers/stressors across my tectonic plates. Below are Additional items:
  • (BB+GG) marriage, bonding with meimei
  • (BB) 5/wk workout .. improving my successZ
  • (GG) commute

For this bpost title, I chose “cornerstone” rather than “pillars”. Cornerstone is secure, not precarious.

stand-desk: micro-workout

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k_ctbz

— ska .. This analysis is another evicence of self-knowledge-advantage. I takes introspective effort to understand why something like this works for me much better than other people.

— low mood .. [low-energy or sad mood]. In this mood, the act of standing at the desk provides … a small boost. Somewhat similar to exp recon.

My habit of keeping track of standing minutes each day … helps me focus on the positive, esp. in low mood.

— easy incremental workout .. Similar to squats, climbing stairs, lotus sitting,,,, standing at desk provides easy ways to “improve” the physical condition and induce positive energy.

Usually I need an hour of standing, but sometimes, even 10m can make me feel good about myself… ctbz

Q: why some people enjoy standing on train, but I would rather stand at desk?
%%A: no right or wrong. I like to read/write on train.

def[ska]=self-knowledge advtg

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— SKA .. Easy and commonplace self knowledge include

  • what foods/houses/games/movies I don’t like
  • what subjects are easy for me
  • when I get upset or annoyed

… but my idea of SKA [self_knowledge_advantage] goes far beyond. It requires plenty of talent + practice. Without this _ability_, you pay a huge price in  time and money (THE scarce resources), and waste chunks of your life on the wrong priorities which are sold to us via enculturation and brainwash. As a crucial skill, it is also an advantage in the same sense as interpersonal or cognitive or numerical skills

最强大脑 2021 has a theme on self_knowledge_advantage, as an comparative advantage. Some of the best examples of my self-knowledge advantage:

 

blogg→ evaluations →more satisfactionS since2018

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k_rmSelf_vs_xpSelf    k_divorce  k_X_focusing_illusion

Since 2018 I have blogged about these these topics below, and then described the same sentiment to grandpa, some counsellors and a few friends:

  • blessed
  • more satisfied with my current “position”
  • more lucky than my cohort .. carefree ezlife; stealth overtake; not left behind on any front;
  • my English, SG/US 出路, NUS+UChicago branding, wellness, devTill70, stable marriage
  • see bpost “why  I feel lucky about current job”
  • …

Q: why am I more satisfied than my cohort?

One answer: I guess my enhanced sense of satisfaction is directly related to my blogging[including emails, conversations]. As stated in quick self-evaluation@life: CSASS, satisfaction is usually based on an evaluation by the rmSelf. Nowadyas (Since 2017) I evaluate mostly positive /elements/ of my life. Therefore, my satisfaction with my life gets /crystalized/[2] , refined and elevated repeatedly — 量变成质变.

I guess blogging also gives the xpSelf [U-index or hedonimeter] more pleasure, thanks to the uplift of the Focusing_effect, but this effect can also intensity pains.

— divorce .. My blogging on divorce makes me more appreciative, more protective of my marriage. I take it as a bedrock of my good life, and not something to be taken for granted.

— a sweeping life-evaluation is expensive (in terms of time and System2 resources) and rarely comprehensive and in-depth

Analog: Insurance road shows are popular in Singapore exactly because most passersby have not done any comprehensive evaluation of their pff.

Pop psychology esp. the self-help industry [online/newspaper/magazines/talks/workshops, ]  often involves probing, introspective questions, self-questionnaires (and journaling). However, most people are way too busy to dwell on those long-winded, often academic questions. My blogs feature dozens of sweeping evaluations including but not limited to those under t_soulSearch, t_histZoom, t_sharpQ. In 2018 I asked R.Xia some reflective question and he didn’t respond. Later in Mar 2022 I mentioned that in an email to him. Few individuals would evaluate their lives as often as I do.  It’s rare to meet a person like me who spends so much time “evaluating”. There’s no point analyzing but I guess there are some categories — (semi-)retirees, writers/sociologists, students (instructed in school), graduating seniors

minor eg: I found a phrase in a marriage book “Tenacity to work through conflicts”. It invites the question “Are we tenacious?”, part of a sweeping introspective evaluation. The phrase (and the question) requires (sys2) slow thinking, but most people are too busy (in haste) or too lazy, so they either brush it aside or substitute a simpler word like “willpower” or “work hard”, so as to avoid an in-depth evaluation.

— [2] Visible signs of crystallization — a vocabulary, in English and sometimes in Chinese. They serve as visible signs of enhanced satisfaction. My blog (also emails) is a fertile field to cultivate this vocabulary.

I used some of the phrases when discussing with counsellors, family and friends (esp. email). Each time someone responds, even in non-verbal form like a nod, to such a phrase, the phrase becomes more entrenched in my “system”. (However, some phrases get outdated and phased out.). Here are a few examples, half-ranked:

  • zqbx, burn or rot, ROTI
  • no-to-exclub/brank/successC, not left behind, stealth overtaking
  • carefree ezlife, successE
  • harmony, rather than passive acceptance
  • traction and vision
  • healthy longevity and the 3 common excuses
  • LetGo, mellow-up
  • breakaway, wrongPriority,
  • buffers and alternatives .. risk/stress protection .. important to my security and satisfaction
  • livelihood, FullerWealth, brbr
  • accept 碌碌无为 kids, non-academic kids, mediocre kids .. important to my zzcl(知足常乐)
  • — other phrases that contribute to my sense of life satisfaction
  • ctbz[寸土必争],

looki,looko:

Posted on by tiger40490

k_X_power_descriptor

Looki := a habit, and philosophy, an orientation, a conscious, deliberate _choice_ to look inward and focus on those unique parts of one’s own psyche not shared with other individuals.
Looko := the other choice, including a focus on other individuals…

Q: why invent my own words
A: I don’t want to look for an English (or Chinese) phrase, as those phrases invariably and eventually show unwanted connotations. Every (minor) connotation would lead to uncomfortable distortions in some contexts. I can’t tolerate any distortionas — they feel like tiny food residules stuck between my teeth.
A: also, looki/looko are short and easy to search.

— feeling good about a gradual move towards looko. An excessive looki increases the chance of depression, anxiety, self-hate over OTh,,

However, looki is not shameful, not a stigma, weakness. Looki requires huge sys2 effort (introspective self-help), and many individuals are not in tune with themselves and don’t understand why they react in unexpected ways.

The blog tag showcases blog topics that decades ago I used to put-off/put-aside due to my looki habit and “no time”.

Leisure reading .. Since the 2020s, I have more leisure in my lifestyle. However, beware mindless leisure. News reading is time consuming, and not as rewarding/fulfilling as my recreational xx.

— scope of the “t_looko” tag .. Look at the bposts with this tag. They offer the best illustration of the scope.

  • Psychological discomforts .. sounds rather bookish, but might be an apt descriptor of many looki topics. Self-care is another descriptor.
  • Country comparison .. in scope
  • social studies, and some topics in economics, education .. in scope
  • Parenting is usually out of scope.
  • Pff is usually out of scope.
  • tech learning, wellness .. out of scope

introspective self-coaching #CignaEAP

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k_quietime

eg: I told boy to analyze past mistakes. The analysis is not fun. It takes lots of absorbency. Only a small percentage of students can do it effectively. Most students won’t “pay” enough System2 attention to undergo this “self-help” analysis.

eg: Xmas2021 8am: studying similar incidents and really learn the lesson. I think this introspective study on past mistakes is not easy for me.

eg: (main Example):
Most of the resources the Cigna counsellor sent me by email are self-help resources, and require long-term effort on my own, including reading, reflection, rephrasing, revisiting a few probing, introspective questions, published self-questionnaires and journaling.

It’s a lot of WORK. Most people (to some extent, myself) are way too busy or untrained to dwell on those long-winded, often academic questions.  That includes my wife.

I would say reading those resources is like listening to music whereas blogging is like creating music, exploring, experimenting. Reading is like eating; whereas blogging is like differentiating various foods and and experimenting with them.

I think this counsellor really listened and he repeated his suggestion for the I-statement, including the positive I-statements. These suggestions are very direct, rather than vague.

Q from David: what do you need for self-care?
%%A: plenty of quietime and personal space. Wife needs it too. Perhaps I can free her up once a while?
%%A: blogging on many topics
%%A: I feel the hunger for meaningful conversations, with a real listener

Q from David: hypothetically, what would it be like if father-son relationship had improved sufficiently?
A: more outing trips [shopping, workout,,,]
A: more chats, like the general knowledge chats .. achieved in 2022
A: If I want more physical touch but he doesn’t like it, then I want him to explain it in more words. So I can learn and adjust my gestures.

— contrast to a medical procedure…

Ultimately the individuals (me or my son) needs a real improvement in understanding of the self [priorities, limitations, fears, biases..] and take consistent, long-time actions to gradually change his own perceptions, his explanatory style (often System1), his self-talk /SMS/, his habits, .. My reflective blogging is the best demo.

Introspective, reflective insight is invaluable and instrumental in these “self-help” scenarios. By and large, most individuals don’t have the analytical power, the motivation, the System2 mental energy required. All the advice received could be forgotten.

On 31 Dec 2021, I picked up 3 self-help books to help myself on intimacy issues. I found some relevant chapters, some useful pointers, but I can see the real challenge is the internal change. Reading something is easy, low impact, and potentially waste of time. I hope I can re-read to reinforce the message.

Similar to smoking cessation, diet, slow-speaking .. the internal change is often a life-long adaptation, or life-long struggle against repeated relapses.

Below are two exceptions that prove the rule that self-help is the only way to higher ground, because you can’t hire a counseller like a full-time maid.

— (repetitive)blogg is more valuable than self-help resources or counselling

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/w3cswrk0 is a Why-factor production on self-help industry. The seminars, counselling, self-help …  these External input can open our eyes, point out our blind spots and suggest new directions. I do agree “Seek help when needed.” but that’s the initial step. The _hard_ bit is sticking to the golden advice over the years, through ups and downs. It depends mostly (99%) on self effort.

In almost all of the areas of interest to me, self-diagnosis, self-discovery, self-talk, self-care, … is 100 times more important than external help.

  • eg: addiction cessation like smoking, alcohol
  • eg: more workout, less over-eating
  • eg: curiosity searches to be warehoused
  • eg: anger management
  • eg: tolerance/restraint in spouse communication
  • eg: spouse communication

— life coach .. I see myself as a motivated “kid”. The most reliable, dedicated (not the most supportive/efficient/insightful) life coach is myself. This life coach will never give up on the kid (me). My therapeutic blogging is the purest form of self-coaching. Highly repetitive, but that’s the fundamental nature of any coaching. My writing is not as formal as self-counseling, and I don’t prefer the generic and vague term “self-help”.

Repeated SMS is a basic part of behavior change, whether through blogging or external influence. Cognitive therapy.

women with Grade-A flexibility≠stronger than me

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Those teachers who criticize my flexibility are invariably comparing me to females, never my mere-mortal male peers.

That lady with grade-A flexibility

  • faces higher risk of injury. Chair yoga teacher told me many examples. I guess it’s rare to see an individual both very flexible and very strong.
  • eg: she met many flexible (but not strong) women
  • eg: Many athletes and dancers have injuries…. often push to their limit and over-stretch.
  • may not be able to make a living as a yoga instructor, as Ankur could
  • may not derive satisfaction and self-esteem from her superior flexibility
  • may be poor in balancing, strength and endurance in yoga, not even considering endurance sports
  • may not have so much willpower.
  • is probably not going to win in any yoga competition, but why bother with competition? So why feel inferior to them?
  • enjoys yoga just as I enjoy jogging. However, in terms of cardio fitness and weight improvement yoga is ineffective, so if I must choose I would rather have the jogging advantage than the yoga advantage.

My self-knowledge advantage helps me put up with the negative peer comparison and keep going on yoga.

I have hypolordosis (reduced lumbar lordosis). I once imagined that if I could surgically sever some connective tissue in my lower back, then I would be able to bend forward “like them”. However, whatever is too short in my lowerback is still vital for my body. I am grateful to that piece, when I can swim, cycle, climb stairs, jog, squat, twist, side-bend, sit-up…

focused effort=scarce resource

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“Focused mental effort” is the target of this analysis. This focus is related to another scarce resource i.e. absorbency.

  • focus on ROTI over a weekend — Without a constant focus, ROTI can become dismal, but this focus is a scarce resource…
  • focus on delay of meals during intermittent fasting — This focus requires constant albeit moderate effort.
  • focus on coding drill — Without this focus, it’s hard to overcome the inertia.
  • focus on work project — often becomes challenging when no one is around me and timeline is lax. This focus requires self-discipline + mental effort. When I’m tired, I review the @defocus items in MSOL

Beware — focused effort is necessary but insufficient condition. You may need other conditions like privacy.

— other items

  • starch reduction — no longer requires focused effort
  • daily mini-stretch — requires minimal focus after I get into the habit, but until I get out of the habit.

alcohol attitude: layers of complexity

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See also

Alcohol is much more than nutrition or health. Alcohol is social, not only among teenagers. As a more remote analog, golf is much more than a sport.

As such alcohol (and coffee) is highly commercial. Therefore there’s a lot of sponsored research in the health effects of alcohol. These findings tend to dominate the casual or serious discussions about alcohol.

We are judged — Your alcohol attitude is comparable to your attire or your transportation choices.

Alcohol lifestyle might be important for some salesmen and leaders, but not me. Many of those OC-effective types tend to “advise” me to embrace alcohol. Jolt: I used to feel weak and ineffective in my stubborn, “old-fashioned” attitude on alcohol. Well, now I like my attitude.

There’s too much misinformation and propaganda about alcohol. I have little bandwidth for that noise. Instead, I prefer simple, verified facts about alcohol:

  • In human history, alcohol have never been necessary for health or happiness. The health benefits have not become substantial.
  • alcohol presents many risks not only to health
  • the most widespread and popular club drug is alcohol. As a drug, alcohol has minimal health benefit for the majority of healthy people

My self-knowledge advantage — I don’t waste money or time on this “imported” finer things in life.

— The AAA Question: zero pleasure in alcoholic drinks .. is a blessing or curse? How does my System 1 answer? Blessing

System 2? Given my priorities [avoid suffering, healthy longevity], I would say “Blessing”.

Therefore, if and when I start to feel some pleasure in alcohol (Anurag, grandma or wife?) I need to be very careful with the potential AAA risk.