妹: most dreadful penalty #spitt`smack`kneel..

I asked meimei on 1 Jan 2021 Q: which punishment is most uncomfortable? She said

  1. daddy spitting on her
  2. smack on the /butt/ .. mother’s presence is a key prerequisite.
    1. However, many parents lose self-restraint and beating goes out of control. These parents are often over-confident in self-restraint.
  3. kneeling on floor or saw-toothed surface
  4. stand facing the wall .. widely endorsed

Q: which punishment is more scary?

James Madison building’s handyman said “scare your kid” only for education on electricity. I feel “scare her” is not a general approach to discipline.

lazy boy@@ limited comparative evidence #1200w

This blogpost is filled with contradictions and sharp questions. It subverts many of my academic parenting principles and observations.

Trigger: I told grandpa that “my biggest 反感 (frustration, annoyance, anger) … is not benchmark result, but his laziness, i.e. poor motivation/effort”.

Now I think primarily we were using our generation as benchmark. I have very limited evidence about his peers’ effort. So far, based on such sketchy evidence, we are using interpolation to gauge their effort levels and then criticizing/labeling boy’s effort level as [inefficient, feet-dragging, no-initiative, no positive feedback loop, no intrinsic motivation 不上进,不求甚解 …].

We do this to have a plausible explanation for his benchmark result. This is comparable to the early scientists’ explanations . Later evidence such as “两个铁球同时落地“ discredited those explanations and scientists went on to revise their explanations . No shame no guilt.

I now believe absorbency is an ability, not just an attitude, so this offers another a plausible explanation.

My framework/explanation of effort+abilities holds well. Note effort, abilities and benchmark results are always relative_to_fellow_students.

Jolt: thanks to my first hand observation, I know his effort level in the final months of P6 was visibly higher than p5 … P5 was similarly higher than P4. Remember P6 (even P5) was comparable to gaokao in terms of workload, stress, competition, often depicted as a 400m dash.

Q (Jolt): What if his twin brother scores well, like top of his class, using even less effort than dabao, and dragging the feet even worse than dabao? I always maintain that “if you are competent then no need to work so hard” (An elastic yardstick?) Consequently, would I focus more on  benchmark result or laziness?

A: I think I would revise my perception of his effort/abilities. His effort level would NOT be tested in any benchmark so I won’t know how his effort/attitude/efficiency changes under high pressure. For an analogy, consider my localSys effort.

Remember Shanyou’s son in BostonU. Based on whatever little I know, this chap is very intelligent, but poor effort. He refused to study for SAT. However, in BostonU, he has been in Dean’s list 4 times in 2 years, so is it possible to achieve that without some real effort? No I don’t believe his fellow students would be so weak that even a poor effort would put him to top of his class. So I’m confident about my hypothesis that he puts in real effort, possibly less than fellow BostonU students  and possibly more efficient. Shanyou said the lad is efficient and probably put in effort.

  1. Jolt: U.S. schools use GPA rather than state-wide benchmark. In a benchmark, a hardworking student in an average school would score very poorly but hey , she is the top student in her school’s GPA.
  2. Jolt: A top-percentile diligent student in one state could score poorly in California
  3. Jolt: A smart, diligent student in Australia or U.S. would score poorly in Singapore’s A-levels, but hey she is in the top 0.1% in her country. I would say Liu Yong’s prodigy daughter could fall into this category.
  4. Jolt: in HJC, I observed first hand that these top Singapore students are less hardworking and would score lower in a tough China exam.
  5. conclusion: as outside observers without knowing the local context, I would likely say these students are … lazy.  I would say our judgement is mostly based on benchmark results.

Q: Competence (as measured by benchmark) — Looking into math competence, by Australian standard, boy could be quite competent, so perhaps he wouldn’t need to endure so much practice?

A: I believe his effort level could be lower than many Australian kids of his age. I believe his current benchmark competence is largely due to heavy practice (therefore his cumulative effort 积累) in Singapore. In other words, his past effort has been much higher than his Aussie counterparts, but his current effort is not spectacular. If he keeps his effort level low, then sooner or later he would become mediocre in benchmark competence.

A: I really don’t want to talk about JingHeng, but I guess his P6 effort was not higher than my son. He had a strong foundation built over the earlier years. (I had a similar experience — in grade 10, 11 I put in less effort than others. So if you look at the effort level in one year, you could find a contradictory evidence.) However, if his effort remains lower than my son’s, then he would be overtaken.

Q(jolt): I complained that his holiday time was decadent and wasteful, but what if he’s top of his class in Singapore? Would I say he is brilliant/efficient and should broaden his scope ?
A: I would still use the same words like decadent, not “efficient”. I would have my explanation/theory (based on effort/abilities) for his high benchmark performance. I believe my explanation would be abilities + low effort. However, it’s not possible for a careless/non-committed student to score high on Singapore benchmarks. I know from experience that many brilliant students in my class had to work hard to learn the patterns and avoid mistakes, across subjects.

Jolt: If I compare my level of effort to (the idealized image of) Rahul or DeepakCM, or some of those cramming/coding students, do I also deserve punishment? Looks like fundamentally, I’m still relying on benchmark performance to judge boy’s effort.

Jolt: If I compare all of the above against the 70-mile runner, then who do Not deserve punishment?
A: the key difference is, there’s no compulsory benchmark on running. In another world, where everyone must benchmark on jogging, then everyone would need to put in jogging practice.

— sense of urgency… In P6 he used to do his homework slowly till 11pm. I still rated him “lazy” because “inefficient”. Waipo saw the same pattern and said congcong was impatient with homework and she might be right. My wife is also “impatient”. So was I.

jolt: But what if Congcong is lower in benchmark competence? “Impatience”, “efficiency” would be inapplicable ! I would still say Congcong is motivated, diligent but with low abilities.

At work, I am similar to boy. I drag out my schedule and can be very inefficient even though I spent long hours in office.

jolt: But am I lazy at work? If I rate myself as inefficient/slow-pace but diligent, then so is my boy?
A: again, benchmark result is the deciding factor. I rate myself as careful, slow-n-steady because my quality is higher than colleagues’. If boy is slow but accurate, I would NOT say “lazy, non-committed, 不认真, 不专心,不求甚解”

— Compare his math with other subjects
jolt: His feet-dragging is worst in math. If we rate his math effort fairly High, then how do we rate his effort/abilities in science (and other subjects)? More efficient and much smarter? But i never feel that way, even if I were to say those words.

Ultimately, I’m comparing his effort/abilities against his peers, but I don’t know his peers beyond benchmark results ! Actually, i rate his math effort as poor, his math abilities as above_average. I rate his science effort and abilities as good, against a purely imaginative cohort.

! The only evidence I have is the benchmark result.

! In reality, it’s possible that his math effort is higher than his science effort.

wellness2receive same sunshine as in 2018

For a couple of years (2017-2019?) I valued wellness higher relative to FOMO, benchmark exams… Now in mid 2020, wellness is retreating to take a backseat.

Q: How can I change my fundamental perception+belief to get wellness /restored to its rightful place/?
A: I may need to consciously downplay the other preoccupations.

Q: after a yoga/pull-up/diet/bmi improvemenet, how do I derive the same positive feeling (like pride) as derived from an investment success or job offer?

减少繁重数学作业

我下半年回新工作后, 会逐渐减少大宝的繁重作业, 因为对孩子学习帮助不大 (但不是零)。

Q: is it inefficient due to feet-dragging? Yes

Q: Is he benefiting? Yes

比如数学难题, 做很多还是掌握不了。 也许他的同学能掌握, 那可能是他们能承受反复练习, 大宝没他们的耐力, 或许不应归罪为孩子的错。

我决心做有智慧和胆识的家长。

数学这科我学的最久, 有自己的体会,观点。 我的决策,基于我的亲身体会和我对大宝的观察, 应该比老师更有根据。 老师的优势, 在于对同年龄学生的了解

## some healthy-sounding foods 被质疑