Tag: T_misPerception

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[19]go`home early4family time

Posted on by tiger40490

Initial trigger: I used to feel the “warm feeling” about going home early … some math with boy,,, some shopping,,, some home movie,, a bit of exercise … but the utilization rate has been disappointing 90% of the times. Leisure is important at this stage in my life (successE + successZ), but beware /mindless/ leisure.

(Analog — family outing is good, but we need to prepare and make it count because we only have a few outing trips a year.)

In Apr 2022 I started coming home early. Ahboy has more chats with me.

Q: what specific lasers would make me feel … justified?
A: more exercise including tough ones like chin-up, jumping jack and hard stretch? Well, I did more with grandpa watching, but this sweetener was insufficient ! 🙁
A: QQ? Still insufficient sweetening ! 🙁

I tried locking myself up in a room, with the earphone on. Still ineffective.
I tried working remotely. Not 100% effective.
I feel sitting in MRT station, Koufu, or downstairs help to some extent, if I can do it long enough.

Actually, my roti in office or in my “bachelor years” are not higher. See long-term roti=rare; prejudice about fun time with boy #finger-point`

— peer comparison.. Coming home early for family time never worked for me. It probably works for many peers but not me.  No reason to feel shame, pity, or inferiority. The best I could do in the evening open-house is … see the open-house todo lists?

— serious focus .. As soon as I try to do anything serious, I often realize office is clearly superior — no mother scolding kids.  That’s normal mode and the most important mode. There are rare exceptions when I’m more resilient but too rare.

— early sleep.. when I go home early, the family distractions would last until around 11pm. I get to settle down and focus only 1-2 hours later. That’s when I felt the need to focus and get some stuff done. That adds 1-2 hours, so I would often sleep past 1am.

Remember my q3sg email sent to Zeng, SPRaja etc.

Tip: do the “focus and get stuff done” in office. After going home. don’t aim for private-hour progress. Try to sleep early.

##blog▲▼read: parenting, Buddhism,,#学而不思

Posted on by tiger40490

For years I believed I need to spend more time reading/learning than thinking/blogging. However, now I believe there are important 学而不思-prone areas where that belief doesn’t apply. This blogpost uses examples to illustrate the principle that oftentimes, we need ThinkMoreReadLess.

Other titles: ThinkMoreReadLess, BlogMoreReadLess..

I advocate “read less” mostly due to Diminishing return. If you read more you are likely to end up 学而不思, not because of laziness.

— earliest example: parenting… a well-defined domain, where _applying_ is more important than learning
See my 2019 blogpost t-effi: blogg^facetime,思而不学
— Eg: Buddhism teaching .. is a very specific and well-defined domain, where practicing is more important than reading
Suppose you learn, say, 20 high-level (or 100 detailed) guidelines and memorize them, share them with friends and family. In contrast, I only learn a one high-level guideline (with a few detailed guidelines) and try to practice them in my daily life. Serious “practice” is a struggle, with lots of thinking, blogging, discussing. I don’t read much since I focus on one guideline only.
— Eg: /selfcare/ [motivation, anger, anxiety, ] .. blogging is more important than reading new content. There are thousands of books but we may need to read only 1 or 10.
Many people use chat, email, self-talk as alternatives, but I find blogging more powerful and in-depth
— Eg: mgmt, interpersonal communications, assertiveness, leadership (vague) .. _applying_ is more important than reading. I have bought or borrowed many books and read many ..
— eg: reduce inactivity .. (active living) practicing is more important than learning. However in this domain there are not many books

##Chn salaries=seldom match`SG #w1r2

Posted on by tiger40490

We often hear stories of rich China people.. My U.S. peers often lament their low income compared to classmates in China… See wage+homePrice: (statistical)biased views@cmcUS colleagues

I believe most Chinese citizens are not the 0.1% employed in the top web2.0 shops. Somehow, in my mind this tiny group is the typical China salary… misperception due to brainwash.

Many urban white-collar Chinese tend to dismiss rural peasants (including rural migrant workers) as if second-class citizens of China, to be treated as excluded data points. Beside peasants, there also are millions of

  • (half ranked by population and by clarity of well-defined scope)
  • [p$] teachers/instructors — pre-schools, tuition centers, language, arts, fitness
  • [p$] accountants … few would rise up to finance director like my sister
  • shop assistants, restaurant waiters … a low-skilled job, so “20% of them will rise to become rich businesspeople” is naive.
  • factory workers,
  • [p] nurses and medical workers “below” physicians .. some are unskilled
  • street vendors, pushcart vendors .. They can’t afford a permanent shop.
  • [p- v$] junior engineers, technicians, mechanics, handymen
  • [p] software engineers/testers, network engineers outside the top software teams! They are well-paid (like USD 80k/Y) only in the U.S.
  • [v] full time drivers — taxi, truck, delivery team
  • [v] bank clerks, post office clerks,
  • [p] newspaper or book editors .. peripheral to the “star” authors
  • [p-] junior civil servants,
  • [v] junior rEstate agents, insurance agents, vehicle salesmen
  • most musicians .. don’t become rich and famous
  • cleaners,
  • junior policemen .. very few earn high income
  • [p$] journalists, photographers, visual artists .. few high-earners
  • full time security guards,
  • [v] receptionist and frontline call center customer service (non-supervisors) .. few are white-collar professionals
  • [v] postman, mailman
  • tour guides, [v] tour agency staff
  • junior air stewardess and [v] airport staff
  • [v] 美容美髮 barbers, massagers, workers in facial shop, nail shops
  • [v$] support staff in showbiz .. I think some of the creative professionals might be well-paid
  • [$] junior chefs
  • junior librarians, museum curators
  • [pv$] junior dentists, physical therapists
  • [$=this group have high wave earners]
  • [v=a salad bowl group, or a vague, less well-defined group]
  • [p=professional training or accreditation, degree required. p- means “some of the population is professional”]

Now even though these professions are unlikely to pay RMB 1000k/Y, some of these groups esp. those tagged “[$]” do have high wage earners. We should not look down on them.

— https://www.bbc.com/zhongwen/simp/world-56209160
2020年5月，中国总理李克强在人大会议期间曾说中国有“6亿中低收入及以下人群，他们平均每个月的收入也就1000元左右”。这与世界银行根据每天每人5.5美元标准对中国贫困总人口的估计基本吻合。(CNY 12000/Y/person.)

Median per-capita disposable income: 根据中国国家统计局的数字，2020年中国居民人均可支配收入中位数为27540元/年。农村居民人均可支配收入中位数为15204元/年， 城镇居民人均可支配收入中位数40378元/年。

— https://www.bbc.com/zhongwen/simp/chinese-news-57304453
In terms of household  — 根据麦肯锡公司《2020年中国消费者调查报告》50%的中国家庭 disposable income [可支配年收入] 达14万至30万元人民币. I think this is in the cities. If typical family size is 4 then this number is consistent with the 40378元/person/年.

PenguinDay chat about math facetime #less confrontation

Posted on by tiger40490

A Cigna counsellor suggested that I invite my 12-year old boy to a chat and listen to his preferences on math coaching. I decided to be a listener rather than a talker [I still talked about half the minutes, but less than before] The 25 Apr 2021 chat flushed out several /misperceptions/.

Misperception: “his math homework was an excuse to put off my math problems” -> Actually, he didn’t know math homework can wait.

Misperception: “he is not interested in my math problems at all and wants to avoid it” -> Actually he named math as the one subject dad can coach. Boy asked me to give him the problem over phone, in advance.

Misperception: “my problems are quick” -> Actually, only some of my problem are quick, while other problems can take a long time.

Misperception: “his Chinese exam prep is not so urgent so critical, because earlier weeks/months are more important” -> Actually, teacher gave them 20 words and said 5 of them would show up in the exam. So boy needed time to cram the 20 words.

Misperception: “with Chinese compo, he was just dragging his feet. Another day or another time would be the same.” -> Actually, he was overloaded and under pressure in the morning/afternoon. To my surprise, in the evening he was ready to do math practice.

Boy cautioned me “avoid the days before a non-math exam”. Now in hindsight, I see my son similar to the skater.

Compared to the earlier afternoon confrontational face time, I didn’t act tough and stand my ground. Instead, I acted slightly more like a friend, as Aunt Genn suggested.

fruit^Starch^nut^鱼肉: biases@comfortFood #w1r2

Posted on by tiger40490

I am still combatting a group of related misperceptions about myself, in relation to comfort foods.

Comfort foods play various roles in my daily life. For example, whenever I make a serious effort for a few hours, I tend to need comfort foods. Prolonged separation from an enticing food intensifies attraction. Comfort foods sound like a minor concept, but they are fundamentally related to our appetite, our cravings, our hunger sensation, my daily battles, my Promethean struggles, my stepUp-stepDown “dance”.

— Biggest comfort-food misperception is about starch. I use exaggerated phrases to describe my dependency, my craving, my struggle. The words we use matter. They shape our self-image. They explain our experiences. These words create and reinforce the feeling “powerless, overpowered” but in reality I’m pretty much in control of my craving for starch. I have successfully contained my starch craving and reduced my daily starch intake by 80%.

In contrast, sugar is not a source of misperception. I am good with my “sugary” self-description.

not every starch is satisfying n addictive. There are some high-fiber starches which I have stopped eating after returning to SG — lentil, green peas…

— #2 comfort-food misperception is about Fruits. My misperception is often reflected in my description of fruits as a weak solution, ineffective substitute for starch. In reality, since 2018, I have relied on fruits as the biggest healthy comfort food. Far more healthy than other comfort foods.

Milky smoothie suffers similar misperceptions. Both it and fruits are imperfect substitutes for starch, but let’s be fair — starch is no substitute for fruits/smoothie either; meats can’t substitute starch either

Sometimes, fruits (and smoothie) constitute 80% (by weight) of my daily nutrition intake.

— #3 comfort-food misperception is about fish and lean meat. I tend to perceive them as calorie-dense (not really), fatty (not extremely), somehow ineffective substitutes for starch.
Actually, my fish-to-meat ratio is probably higher than most people … lucky, but often overlooked.

I enjoy mixing raw vegetables into fish/meat, to reduce calorie density, but often undervalued.

I tend to associate fish/meat with home cooking. Home cooking presents huge obstacles to and often derails self-control  due to availability, wrongX temptations, unexpected enticing foods.

— #4 comfort-food misperception is about nuts. I tend to dismiss their high fiber.

Actually, I have developed a healthy habit of mixing in lots of raw vegetables to reduce the calorie density, but often trivialized

UltraEdit / EditPlus purchases: long shadow #printing mouse

Posted on by tiger40490

These experiences cast a long shadow. Therefore deserves revisits. The long shadow is cast over similar buying decisions like …

— how I decided to buy both about the same time .. I first bought TextPad for about $40. Then I found some unique features in UltraEdit (USD20?) and EditPlus (USD 10?). By then I had known how useful and how frequent they are, so I invested a “small” amount to have 3 alternative choices to complement each other.

Jolt: Would be more worthwhile buys if notepad++ had not emerged. I underestimated 1) tech churn 2) quality of shareware

— jolt: the absolute amount I paid was small compared to other under-utilized purchases
Deep scar? Should be small scar. Deep is over-reaction. Trauma would be Over reaction.

Similar buys, but mostly hardware buys:

  • $60 百胜楼 mouse that print a label
  • head phones, microphones
  • samsung camera
  • $8 iphone earphone

home-cooked food,starch..≠opium

Posted on by tiger40490

In my “battles” to control the late-night appetite, I often perceive any attractive food as a clear-n-present danger. Even sweet fruits can open the flood gate.

Let’s be critical and evaluate the health impact:

  • these foods are better than –> visible fat like beacon, butter, mayo
  • these foods are more nutritious than –> alcohol
  • these foods are not harmful like –> tobacco
  • these foods are not comparable to –> opium

— “These foods”… Home-cooked food [esp. starch] is the primary example, and represent about half the attractive foods in my “home battles”.

 

How the hell do U judge it’s a win or a loss

Posted on by tiger40490

I told Bindi the Cigna counselor about my nightly battles with temptation and the out-of-control appetite …

Q: how do I tell if I had a win or a loss?
%%A: My rule is “no eating without strong appetite”. Roughly, if I felt some legitimate hunger when I started eating, then it was a win.

Legitimate .. The judgement is extremely non-objective, biased.

Case study: Tonight ( before the call to Cigna) I came home not feeling hungry. But I had very little food since I woke up. When I saw the food in kitchen I felt the appetite. Is that legit? I immediately rejected it, but on what ground? I guess I was still comparing to 2018.

eg: If at 11pm I decide to work on my resume, or tech xx, and feel a “hunger”, then it’s not a lost battle !?

Now I think this battle may not be that important, but I won’t give up.

not every starch is satisfying n addictive

Posted on by tiger40490

Original title: not every starch is satisfying n addictive.

Countless varieties of starch are extremely attractive and satisfying to me, since I was brought up on starch as 主食. However, it’s useful, even important to correct my perception — No I ain’t powerless against every starch on earth [1] … No No !

  • specifically, white rice congee [大米粥] is less attractive than thick noodles, let alone rice.
  • .. Fairly low ccost. I disliked the China version from young, but the Singapore version is more tasty.
  • specifically, plain mantou [馒头] is less attractive than baozi. My wife often buys it hot but we usually eat half and discard.
  • plain bread is similarly unattractive. There are so many brands in any American supermarkets. I kinda feel lucky about my dislike for them.
  • In general, 95% [2] of all noodles .. are less satisfying than rice, bakery or 死面 (unleavened) food. In Singapore breakfast coffee shops, I often try a mix of many noodles (including rice noodles) and none as good as rice.
  • In general, 100% of anything made of rice flour .. is inferior to wheat flour

[1]A few movies share this same theme — the aliens in the movie are a powerful and more advanced species than humans, but many individuals of their species have weaknesses and not so overpowering and invincible. Some humans among us have the courage and self-confidence to defeat them.

[2] I can’t recall any exceptional noodle… perhaps Japanese udon?

How about konjac?

1@your peers gets wealthy: philosophical

Posted on by tiger40490
  • eg: you get to know someone owns a number of properties
  • eg: you get to know that someone has a nonwork income of $5k
  • eg: you get to know that someone made a killing (windfall) in the stock market or cryptocurrency
  • eg (fantasy): you get to know that someone added 5 years to her life, so she would live 5Y longer as a result.
  • eg (fantasy): you get to know that someone added 5 years of guaranteed family happiness

(I will use “her” by default, but may use “him” too.)

— The first common assumption and common over-reaction is a /wholly/ unreliable guesstimate of her new net worth. For example, I told my friend HF.Sun that I owned more than 6 properties, but no one should assume anything about their value.

She may have a huge loan.

A note on statistics. If the median net worth in your location at her age is $500k, below ffree, but this peer is now at $2m, then she’s probably in the 10th percentile.

— A neglected question is liquidity (also current income). A big pile of paper gain that’s inaccessible is worth very little now.

— A good question we often ask is “What_happened?” but more than half the time we don’t get any verifiable answer.
The most reassuring answer is “own effort” rather than luck or external factors. See locus@control: carefree high ground mostly due2effort. Those “bad” answers imply that the wealth is fleeting, temporary or hard to keep.

— A neglected question is “How carefree is she now?” I would think wellness and family harmony are harder to keep, more valuable than wealth, for 99% of us. I remember the billionaire businessman in [[pretty woman]] living with deep scar of childhood traumas… no family happiness 🙁

When we are already at some level of wealth, the “gap” between here and a carefree dreamland is measured not by additional wealth but other metrics such as sustainable wellness and long-term family happiness. The fantasy examples above would be more valuable than any windfall,.

MMM would question us “Why do you need sooo much more money?” You won’t need that much to maintain a comfortable livelihood.

— Jolt: By age 50, who is ahead? Who is luckier? Who is a role model?

  • This middle-aged professional has 6 properties
  • This middle-aged professional has 5+ workouts a week and runs marathons, has good BMI, sleep and appetite, without any serious health condition.

— I asked my friend Ash.S how he moved up so fast

  • factor: he is now seen as a rock star lead developer, similar to Sun Lin in 2012 and ML.J in Year 200x. Very few candidates have this halo.
  • .. factor: he is rather full stack — can develop web GUI to demonstrate his skills
  • factor: the crypto players are currently /flush with cash/. This is a necessary but insufficient condition for the oversized offer
  • factor: he killed the (weekend) coding tests. Coding test performance is a necessary but insufficient condition for oversized offer.
  • .. for one test, he put in much higher effort than other candidates would.
  • .. for another test, he has done something similar