Tag: t_L@Ctrl

fear@los`control over own body #drug

Posted on by tiger40490

in Sep 2023, Henry Lew asked me since when I have experienced loss of control.

In my 20s and earlier, I used to worry about substance addiction. I also read about smoke cessation…

Masturbation proved beyond doubt that the biological needs can be overwhelming.

Now I’m nearing 50, I know my body is stable and will not get out of control. Appetite growing out of control remains the last concern.

— ML.Jiang described to me a situation in China — business partners would get young girls to seduce him. A typical young man would lose control.

Fear? Yes I have a healthy fear of it, so I always stay away from such situations.

— incontinence .. as we age, many would lose control over their bladder and bowel.

Fear? I don’t have a fear at this age.

BMI 进步=harder]SG

Posted on by tiger40490

update..

— The MS cafe breakfast experience .. I was able to enjoy some starchy breakfast with lots of stuff added. Somehow, my BMI didn’t worsen.

Now in SG, I see such a starchy breakfast as losing control. Perhaps my metabolism is slower in SG, but I tend to get hungry faster.

I suspect there are multiple reasons why weight improvement is inherently tougher, less achievable in Singapore. Therefore, a realistic weight target is 63->65-68kg.

— Perhaps some elements in SG climate slow down my metabolism and turns excess calories into fat

Higher homeostatic hunger in the SG climate, even when I strictly control the hedonic hunger.

— stress is higher, leading to semi-conscious stress eating. Family stress, work stress, ,, Multitasking requires more Sys2 resources and lead to overeating — see [[Thinking, fast and slow]]
— more workout than in Bayonne.. increasing appetite.
— availability [wrong time, wrong quantity] is a bigger problem in Singapore.

home cooking

See Q1 above
See 10 x higher hazard rate
See stash in Bayonne^ff^1173 #unexpectedEnticing

 

stash in Bayonne^ff^1173 #unexpectedEnticing

Posted on by tiger40490

Q1: what differences explain the out-of-control late-night appetite in TPY home?
A( as I told the Cigna counselor): perhaps Unexpected foods.
A: Home cooked food? Not exactly the key difference. Admittedly, home-cooked food is always unexpected food. However, a lot of foods in TPY fridge are purchased foods [ice cream, cakes, cookies,,,], similar to Bayonne, but in Bayonne I was in control. In Bayonne, I exercised control end to end, throughout the week. The control starts at shopping ,where I would hand-pick the comfort foods and carefully decide how much to buy, where to store.

In Bayonne home or office, the stash of enticing foods is well-guarded, and used only when I choose to, often on a planned schedule, with a good reason, rather than giving in to out-of-control appetite. I tend to ration the amount of comfort foods in a controlled indulgence. I tend to pair up the high-calorie foods with a lot of raw veg, chia seeds, ice etc. These techniques are much harder to achieve in TPY home, primarily because the enticing foods show up unexpected.

Now I realize that the mere presence of unexpected, enticing foods in the fridge creates non-trivial wrong-X temptations. It’s easy to trivialize these temptations but my experience proves that they do grow overwhelming, devastating like a tornado [out of control].

In Bayonne and now in office, I have a firmer grip on my stash of comfort foods.  I control what comes into my stash. I pay this much attention precisely because I know from experience the power of the wrong-X temptations.

Q: Why is this factor relevant to the late-night appetite?
A: in that situation, the stash always presents a clear-n-present threat to my self-control. This challenge is no-big-deal in the morning, or in office, but serious at late-night.

— Given the 10 x higher hazard rate at home, is it better to eat more in office, perhaps to reduce the anticipation? Say your goal is under 1000 cal/day.
If you eat 800 cal in office, you may still far exceed 200 cal after reaching home.
If you eat 200 cal in office (like now), you may eat 1500 cal in the warrior meal at home.
if you eat 300 cal in office, you can aim at 1000 cal in the warrior meal… hopefully more sustainable.

— pleasure is legitimate.. If the struggle against my appetite is too hard, then I would accept the health impact.
— an out-of-control example in Bayonne !
In Mvea/MLP offices and Bayonne home, when I get lots of free foods, they are always high-calorie and unexpected. Hard to manage.

How about free catered lunch as in Goog/FB/SIG offices? I think there’s a 50/50 chance it would be a huge challenge for my diet control.

 

Apr21EAP: appetite失控 #compassion #poison

Posted on by tiger40490

k_mellow

Problem description — You come home without hunger (like Bayonne), but when you see food you start to feel an appetite out of control.

Counsellor challenged me — Can you say to yourself right now “I won’t compare to the past. I will focus on the present and what’s within my control.” Well, I won’t give up and accept things like “my kids have disappeared, or my legs are now useless..” However, the environment changed hugely from 2019.

— out-of-control appetite.. I hope there’s a more powerful phrase like “appetite on rampage”, but “control” is a power phrase in my mind. See also wins+control ]Bayonne

Now I think the appetite on rampage is normal. How do you decide that’s not legitimate hunger? Your yardstick is elastic!

You find this new appetite so irrational (hunger is never rational), so random (it actually is), so out of control (human nature). But that’s probably the case with a lot of people, when they have not tasted that particular food for a long time.

— Compassion .. is a keyword from the 13 Apr 2021 Cigna counselor. See powerless guilt #self-hate for the opposite of compassion

I gave the counselor a graphic metaphor — patches of poison on the surface of an internal organ. This counselling session helped me open up, spot the poison, wash it off, while keeping, not rejecting, the organ. I felt cleansed. I know how ugly the organ looks, but it’s part of me and I embrace every part of me. I am OK as an fallible, weak human being. It’s OK to lose half the nightly battles. In unusual j4 S$7.50 salad, I recorded my chat with another Cigna counselor Bindi when I said “everyone is weak.”

Las Verrugas Anales | ASCRS

Powerless_Guilt #room4improve #w1r2

Posted on by tiger40490

k_X_power_descriptor

Powerless guilt is a form of self-hate. Powerless against the human limitations . (Powerless against external limitations is NOT a defining feature of this pattern, though external adversities are omnipresent.)

The antidote is perception of reality, compassion, empowering the self to defend the guilty charge. In this blogpost I’m trying to make the concept less vague. Am working on it and there’s no hurry.

— some patterns

  • s=some imaginary, superhuman standard, apparently based on some hearsay role model like the 70mile guy.
  • L=For now, I’m unable to overcome the inertia or low-energy mood and reach a satisfactory level of self-mastery. The obstacle might be internal or external, but they contribute to a sense of powerlessness.
  • spiral .. the more I feel powerless about it, the more I become fixated on it… dark energy spiral. See the defining eg below.
  • self-hate, self-loathing, self-contempt, pain.
  • absorbency and “burn” is a frequent feature
  • fixation .. I tend to focus too much on the room4improvement, the gap below the imaginary standard. The fixation leads to pain.
  • .. We need more realistic targets like I had with daily yoga. Note that walk, jog, cycle, basketball … require speed to be effective workout. Yoga can be slow.

— actual trigger eg: As self-judge, I have reached a verdict that I am not spending enough time with my son, not sacrificing enough, as compared to other parents or some imaginary standard. However, at the moment, that imaginary standard is so unreachable that the only reaction is powerless guilt.

Boy’s level of motivation is still lower than some imaginative standard (perhaps myself at that age?) This perception, together with his bmark performance, create a toxic lake, a breeding ground for self-hate and …

I feel guilty not “helping” him enough to grow his motivation.

— defining eg: masturbation in my teenage years
— classic eg (since teenage years): diet
— eg (not really classic?): exercise self-discipline
I would say yoga and pull-up are two classic examples. See Am I improving ] yoga@@ #Jess
— eg: coding drill like x problems a week
— eg: localSys xx .. extrinsic mtv is ineffective
— eg: OC-effectiveness .. (and brank) feeling guilty not trying harder. I might be able to learn (model someone), grow, but I have reached conclusion on the effort/reward.
— eg: irritation by nearby noise… In a Suntec exhibition, I remember a Microsoft roadshow presenter was annoyed by a nearby stage performance featuring random explosions. These attention-grabbers stole his thunder or distracted his audience. As an audience of his presentation, I told myself that if I were him I should accept the exhibition environment. However, nowadays I also get irritated by construction noise, when I feel I should accept and live with the situation, which is easier than the presenter’s situation.

Powerless guilt is part of the reaction. I think powerlessness is a reality that few individuals could handle effortlessly (sometimes I can). Guilt is something we can try to reduce.

— some examples that do not really fit the definition “like a glove”

  • eg: early sleep .. not powerless. I think at 11.30pm, I often feel the “zone” and the energy to go on, so I need better advance planning.

[21]10x hazard rate@troubled teacher

Posted on by tiger40490

See also stash in Bayonne^ff^#2-1173 #unexpected

Metaphor — as a teacher I accept that a troublemaker pupil is joining my class, so I make ample preparations to limit his impact on the class. However, in a new school, I get lots and lots of troublemakers coming into my classes, without prior preparation. Once a while I could win a battled and “control” a single troublemaker, but my success rate in each case is somewhere between 50% and 80%, so with more troublemakers in my class, I would lose many battles ever week.

  • Hit by Expected enticing foods a few times a week as in Bayonne, I win 80% of the time. The other times I have controlled indulgence.
  • Hit by UnExpected enticing foods on a daily basis, I win 20% of the time. The number of lost battles is now 5x

— worth it? With the 10x hazard rate, I can easily win only 20% of the battles (no precise criteria) but I may need to win 90% to hit my BMI target. That may require undue deprivation[1], superhuman self-discipline, lots of raw veg ! If the effort is always a superhuman effort and requires that much sacrifice and willpower, then the effort is unsustainable, and not worth it. I told the MS colleague in the 750Seventh pantry “Not exactly self-discipline per se.” He was surprised and puzzled.

[1] deprivation? Food should be a joy at least some of the times.
eg: Availability of alcohol creates a struggle in the recovering alcoholic, possibly torture. However, ultimately, you could get over it and live with the availability, rather than get tortured by it year in year out. libido|alcoholism illustrates the availability/attraction situation that is fundamental to human existence.

My BMI improvement comes at a (mostly non-monetary) cost, but the cost should not exceed a limit and become self-torture.

similar eg: To be sustainable, yoga should be rewarding not a torture. My fwd bend in Sec 1 was a torture, unsustainable and unrewarding. Superhuman self-discipline is still insufficient in the long run.

similar eg: “Skating practice should be enjoyable and rewarding, not dreadful.” See skater: verbal abuse as motivation

 

 

[22]am more out@control less superhuman than 2018

Posted on by tiger40490

With respect to the supper temptation, I was extremely strong in 2018/2019.

Compared to the 2018 superhuman, I’m now more fallible, more imperfect, more human, more like everyone else.

I choose to embrace the imperfect self, and reject the superhuman expectation. I admire the superhuman standard I achieved in 2018.

Given the 10 x higher hazard rate now, I would need to be even more superhuman than in 2018 to reach 62 kg

overeating: morning^midnight

Posted on by tiger40490

Update: strangely, the morning context is much easier. The appetite is less “out-of-control”.

Overeating means eating more than usual. No precise definition.

  • loss of control .. late-night overeating is bigger loss of control
  • restraint .. is what I need. In the morning, there are other family members around so I feel a semi-conscious restraint.
  • socially acceptable .. morning is less guilty. This factor is subconscious, subtle but powerful.
  • wrong-* temptation .. late night is worse
  • late-night overeating is followed by inactivity i.e. sleep 🙁
  • late-night overeating tends to delay my sleep, as I often feel a motivation to get some work done.

So let’s be more tolerant of over-eating in the morning 🙂

— one special scenario: power surge at night. Late-night overeating can be be justifiable.

entic`food=more controllable if outside#^Bayonne #w1r2

Posted on by tiger40490

Same enticing food is always easier to manage if outside home. As I told boy…

  • when I face a wrong-* temptation outside home, I only need to say NO once. There’s no wrong-qty temptation. The high price tag is on my side.
  • when I face a wrong-* temptation at home, I need to say NO over and over. There’s less wrong-food temptation. The ‘soon-to-be-discarded’ SMS is an enemy.
  • office free food?

Q: Why is home context so tough?
A: In a commercial place, every additional food requires payment. Built-in portion control and speed bump. Mindful consumption. In contrast, Home food is mindless eating by default. So we have to exercise self-constraint which is tough for most of us.
A: too many varieties of enticing foods at home
A: more unexpected stress events at home. By contrast, in office, any work stress tend to be expected and well-contained.
A: I think unexpected enticing foods might be one of the G7 key factors.

In this concrete experience, the same enticing foods [claypot rice] was more manageable in office. I always bring the most disruptive (not exactly “harmful” [1]) foods to office like

  • cakes
  • brownie
  • ice cream
  • chocolates
  • fried rice, fried noodles

[1] Rember .. home-cooked food, enticing foods like starch..≠opium .

— In Bayonne,

  • There’s no cooked food at home.
  • there’s less budget street food as in Toa Payoh. There are American fast food such as pizza and ice cream but they are costiler, less available and fewer varieties.

Therefore, in Bayonne, the wrong-time temptation was easier to handle.

Rubber Speed Bump, 6' x 12" Easy Rider