In Dec 2023 I started to worry about quality_of_life in my mom’s twilight years, either in a Beijing nursing home, or a Singapore nursing home, or living with my wife (while I’m away in the U.S.), against the backdrop of her declining health.
quality_of_life is another side of VV (one of the trio).
All the scenarios appear pathetic, unappealing, scary,,, As people grow old, they are bound to experience (some or all of) mobility decline, mental decline, living away from immediate family, or outside their own comfortable n familiar home. Inevitable for many in their 80s.
Given an elderly’s health, financial and family situation, his choices are often limited. If money is not the problem (willing suspension of disbelief), then perhaps he can live with family + adequate healthcare at home [R.Teo’s dad?]. Hopefully (big hope), the in-law caregivers are able to cope, supported by plenty of external resources. This “acceptable” bar is too high to be realistic.
Before I can plan ahead, I have to give up on unrealistic expectations.
How about my ADL insurance? I now feel somewhat more vindicated.
The more children and grandchildren I have, the more resources I have available in my old age.
— update: life chances .. healthy longevity, short glorious life ..
eg: Steve Jobs had a short but glorious life. Did he want to live longer and enjoy more life chances? I bet he did.
Have you observed aged (extende) family members or neighbors in unhealthy longevity, perhaps a burden to his loved ones? Do they want to live longer? Do they see any life chances in the remaining lifespan?
k_Kahneman .. k_def_of_success .. k_daily_battle
See also
I discussed with 92S27 classmates Wenjie and Huiyi why a longevity target of 95 is so rare and unpopular. The individual reasons vary, and depend on individual life experiences and observations. I said there is a dominant/overwhelming opinion, a personal opinion enforced by vast majority of peers, so any opposing view would have virtually no followers. Here is how I would describe it:
- V V) Quality (i.e. worth) of twight phase of longevity .. questionable, as the final years are perceived as usually unhealthy longevity, or limited mobility… limited/unenviable quality of life. See DALYs [ disability-adjusted life years]
- SS) long-term nonstop Sacrifices .. required to reduce longevity risks .. is very long, painful, tangible and immediate .. nonstop from today for 30Y
- RR) Hazards — risk reduction efficacy .. given the multitude of hazards to longevity, the achievable risk reduction is perceived as rather low and by no means guaranteed. In other words, those hazards are presumed uncontrollable. This life-chance (the chance to avoid the hazards) is perceived to be very low regardless of personal effort.
- .. analog: covid measures were similarly perceived to be ineffective or questionable in efficacy, including vaccines, masks, distancing,,,
I said the above 3-point view has a starting point — inertia i.e. unwilling to give up the comfortable, familiar and less-than-healthy lifestyle. Therefore, these 3 factors sound like excuses. Inertia is very hard to overcome for most individuals. Change often takes a long time and a lot of soul-searching. In contrast, the alternative starting point (my ideal) is maximum longevity regardless of healthy/unhealthy (VV). I see the risk reduction efficacy as significant (RR), and I don’t care about the sacrifices (SS) — My perception of the evidence is the opposite of RR description above. I believe in BMI, workout, diet habit, regular health screening,,,. I don’t calculate the amount of risk reduction because fundamentally, it is non-quantifiable. But see the lifespan dev textbook.
Most unretired individuals have observed some /nonagenarian/ relatives or neighbors up close. I guess most of us associate these individuals with poor VV. When we learn about how their longevity was achieved, we inevitably hear a variety of long (and non-trivial) sacrifice (SS).
I aim higher on longevity .. Most unretired individuals choose , conservatively, to aim lower in terms of longevity. By “lower” I mean aim below the life expectancy at her current age. For example, when my wife is 45, her actual life expectancy is probably 90 in Singapore, but her aim could be a few years lower.
eg: my wife; my sis; Tanko; many people in developed countries.
Belief A: (VV) Subconsciously, she often believes “Less is more” i.e. her life could/would be better if it ends around 80 , better than a life with X additional years of “low quality living” perhaps /saddled/ with a chronic condition. DurationNeglect.
BeliefA2: For various reasons, many unretired individuals believe it is reasonable/legitimate to “aim lower” rather than “as long as possible”. I am not sure. A jolt question to challenge this belief:
Q: what if you end up outliving your longevity target by a decade+? Unless you are really suffering (rare), I bet you won’t want your life to end right there. The reality, as you will realize, is that despite the “reduced quality”, that extra decade is still worth living. It’s known as the golden years, rather than twilight years. I think the individual could regret some of the lifestyle decisions she made at an younger age.
I later wrote to one of my 92S27 classmates “My family is not rich.. my kids are not brainy .. My home is modest.. I have no car no maid… but I enjoy my carefree easy life one day at a time .. Trying to improve diet, exercise, sleep, reading habit etc… Life is short n tough, and I aim to make it longer n easier”
— SS .. The main daily battle, as introduce by Alex of MS, was about diet. Some non-overweight individuals also engage in the daily battle, as I described to Bindi of EAP.
Other bposts under t_Promethean all beg the question “Is such a life worth living as long as possible?” SuccessZ?
In Dec 2023, I described to XH.Fu 3 examples of sacrifices .. 1) diet 2) exercise and 3) tech learning. #3 is relevant to healthy longevity because it extends my employment phase and delays retirement. Retirement often triggers a decline in wellness.
Breathing / meditation can be classfied as a form of exercise but I would rather treat it as a distinct form of self-practice. It requires discipline (sacrifice)
Another example is sexual activity. Longevity may require you to reduce and regulate sexual activity but many people don’t care.
— Locus of control (RR) .. is a perception, a explanatory style, and a personal belief.
Belief B: (related to RR) An unretired individual recognizes that his lifespan is unpredictable and believes that aiming higher is meaningless.
Beyond the longevity topic, in general, people who believe fate is beyond their control would not bother to reduce the risks. Since the effort (SS) is substantial and long-term, any personal doubt about its efficacy would frequently derail the commitment.
In contrast, people who believe in self-efficacy are motivated to improve their life chances.
— successZ .. My perception and practice on SS is typical of my self-discipline and successZ.
— self-talk and self-conviction .. are powerful across these 3 points. I now describe to more friends my SS attitude [don’t care], my VV attitude [好死不如赖活着] etc.
I also acknowledge that my self-conviction is susceptible to negative influences. I told YY.T about my dad. I can see YY’s active lifestyle is hampered by his knee injury, and something may happen to me as I age. Therefore, the 3-point self-talk is a constant battle against blackholes. I want to talk to more positive individuals, giving me positive influence.
— qualifying unhealthy_longevity (VV) .. Unhealthy longevity means below 60% of perfect health during the final 20 years. 好死不如赖活着. In contrast,
- Any ADL or TPD would mean a score below 50%
- a real chronic condition would bring the score well below 60%, including wheelchair, permanent paralysis.. (However, most chronic conditions are not so serious.)
- I would say a score of 60% is healthy_longevity
- I would say a score of 80% is exceptional_healthy_longevity
- 100% perfect health is unthinkable in the aging of bones/joints (mobility), eyesight, hearing, skin… let alone internal organs.