== next trip to simlim
== next trip to ikea
Tag: t_del_@
TKX Antecedent-Behavior-Consequence Log
| Date/Initials Setting |
Antecedent Description of the environment and what occurred prior to the behavior |
Behavior What the child did or said and how long the behavior lasted |
Consequence What the responder did immediately following the behavior or how the environment changed |
Child’s response Upon receiving the consequence, how did the child respond? |
|||||
| 18Apr 9pm | dad promised to bring TKX to treehouse, but came home late | TKX forgot it. Played clapping game with dad instead. | dad wrote a secrete note to praise TKX | ||||||
| 21Apr 9pm | TKX started shouting | both parents ordered her to stand-facing-wall; dad decided to postpone A/C turn-on in her room as her penalty | Stood for half a min. After that, throwing temper | ||||||
| 22Apr 11am | Quick noodles are unhealthy. TKX ate it last night, and wanted it for breakfast. Mom said no. | screaming n kicking; rolling on floor; banging small objects and door | none | ||||||
| 24May 7am (Already yelling 3 times to mom during today’s morning routine.) |
TKX went to bathroom and finished urination and stood up. Seeing she was done, dad switched off toilet light. Ambient light remains (through toilet window and door). | TKX shouted to dad in the face “I’m not done. Turn on the light!” Her volume was way too loud at this hour, when neighbors were asleep. | Mom said “OK. No handphone time after school”. Light back on. Dad asked “Why shouting when I’m right in front of you? If I’m sleeping in my bedroom (right beside toilet), then your shouts all morning would wake me up.” No punishment from dad. | no further shouting. Relatively quiet afterwards, but no remorse. | |||||
[19]go`home early4family time
Initial trigger: I used to feel the “warm feeling” about going home early … some math with boy,,, some shopping,,, some home movie,, a bit of exercise … but the utilization rate has been disappointing 90% of the times. Leisure is important at this stage in my life (successE + successZ), but beware /mindless/ leisure.
(Analog — family outing is good, but we need to prepare and make it count because we only have a few outing trips a year.)
In Apr 2022 I started coming home early. Ahboy has more chats with me.
Q: what specific lasers would make me feel … justified?
A: more exercise including tough ones like chin-up, jumping jack and hard stretch? Well, I did more with grandpa watching, but this sweetener was insufficient ! 🙁
A: QQ? Still insufficient sweetening ! 🙁
I tried locking myself up in a room, with the earphone on. Still ineffective.
I tried working remotely. Not 100% effective.
I feel sitting in MRT station, Koufu, or downstairs help to some extent, if I can do it long enough.
Actually, my roti in office or in my “bachelor years” are not higher. See long-term roti=rare; prejudice about fun time with boy #finger-point`
— peer comparison.. Coming home early for family time never worked for me. It probably works for many peers but not me. No reason to feel shame, pity, or inferiority. The best I could do in the evening open-house is … see the open-house todo lists?
— serious focus .. As soon as I try to do anything serious, I often realize office is clearly superior — no mother scolding kids. That’s normal mode and the most important mode. There are rare exceptions when I’m more resilient but too rare.
— early sleep.. when I go home early, the family distractions would last until around 11pm. I get to settle down and focus only 1-2 hours later. That’s when I felt the need to focus and get some stuff done. That adds 1-2 hours, so I would often sleep past 1am.
Remember my q3sg email sent to Zeng, SPRaja etc.
Tip: do the “focus and get stuff done” in office. After going home. don’t aim for private-hour progress. Try to sleep early.
linking two bposts
4 common formats of “dlink” [directed_link] between 2 blogposts. Below I present them by set-up effort.
Note “dlink” is a shorthand used in this blogpost only. Might become usable outside this blogpost.
[L=usable format for a list of dlinks]
— [L] 1) non-hyperlink ..
like “See the post on xyz of abc when I ddd something”
The description is often enough. Later on if needed, we can enhance this dlink to become an underlined_descriptor .
— 2) raw hyperlink ..
like https://btv-gz.dreamhosters.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=9876&action=edit
🙁 non-descriptive
— [L] 3) descriptor_n_url ..
like “see the post on xyz of abc (https://btv-gz.dreamhosters.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=9876&action=edit)
This underused format is 20-30% quicker than underlined_descriptor, because I don’t need to “select” the descriptor !
— [L] 4) underlined_descriptor ..
like “xyz of abc”
🙁 tcost not worth it when (10% chance) the link gets deleted
family outing #random reflections
Family outing is high “cost”. Almost everyone involved is busy and each has to make adjustments to make it happen.
For years, I resented the huge hours lost after a movie — time spent shopping or at nearby playgrounds. I realized that after a family movie, I should go straight home. Then in 2022 I slowly changed my behavior. After a Stadium trip, we spent hours in Decathlon.
Around Xmas 2022, we went to IMM to buy a pair of shoes but spent 5 – 8 hours there ! Still regretful but less painful.
13 Nov family outing trip was very low productivity, “rot”.
Somehow I avoided the burn-rot trap of self-hate.
I used to be a hostage. The high standad of productivity was simply unrealistic with family outing.
In contrast, I think a corporate team-building event could be (would be) benchmarked for efficiency, but that’s for the organizer.
Most participants would be too relaxed and fail the benchmark.
Family members are more like the participants rather than the organizers.
— Travel with kids .. means loss of huge amount of precious private time. Quiet time at MRT is valuable. Even at bus stop i can read or use smemo
##private”corners”during lockdown #MRT
Goal is emulation of office in UOB.
- bring small laptop to MRT, with wireless@sg, but need to find a safe spot with very few people
- sit in the common corridor, where grandma likes to sit, beside the shoe racks
- good enough mostly for blogging
- more distant from the noise
- use the Ikea foldable tray in room #1 or #3, with A/C on.
- to prevent losing my cool due to boy’s misbehavior, to minimize its impact on my emotional balance,
- Cigna counselor suggest leaving the scene. I said this is a simple technique but still useful. Now i think this is the most useful technique
- Grandpa suggested working in a closed bedroom, putting on a headphone to completely block out the noise from living room. I can also try loud music as a “shield”
- I would say MRT station is much better for out-of-sight-out-of-mind.
##[18]dabao’s strengths2 compensate4 absorbency ] abstract think`
- geometry
- chart reading
- science
- English reading as a pleasure … so precious
- Chinese reading and guessing
week1@RTO: shift@focus #w1r2
k_office_sanctuary
“Self-care” is left without a clear definition, and includes some expressive writing such as parenting, stress mgmt.
— Q (asked in Jul 2020, and then in Aug 2021): the most positive elements of my first week back in office?
- — my Jul20 answer
- [1] no distraction. Is night hour at home comparable? I would say yes
- .. [4] I now miss my kids again, rather than having “enough of them“
- no wrong-time temptations. When I feel 70% hungry, the food at home would be irresistible, but in Bayonne home or office, I have limited (and only healthy) food, so pushing-the-limit is now possible, and I find myself in control of the situation, and on the
offensiveagainst the temptations. However, the battle is shifted to “reaching home” or supper time. - [2] can call people (esp. grandparents) in the comfort of office, without distraction or stress. Also has good speaker phone.
- [3] jolt: can print lots of blogposts+tech notes, and capture the absorbency for QQ/zbs, GTD, localSys. Printer proved a huge boost comparable to monitor.
- — my Aug21 answer:
- I can work out on carpeted floor .. more spacious. At home, I would do so in a playground.
- I feel the energy to work out at riverfront
- yes [2,3]
- — my answer within a month into RTO
- standing desk is much easier than at home.
- mini-yoga can be easier at ACM lawn than TPY .
- — my answer near end of Sep going back into WFH
- yes [1,2,3]
- — my answer in early Jan 2022
- yes[2,4]
- more yoga studios near office; more variety of jogging/workout locations. I can leave stuff behind and go out for a jog.
— reminders: Don’t break any MLP rule (like Rbh). Follow strictly.
— [1] The recurring loss of family harmony and quiet time .. is the most common need/purpose/value for the harbor (of office). The library/stadium/Interchange are also helpful, but harbor offers:
- stay for hours
- safely leave belongings behind when stepping out
- possibility of work, workout, yoga
- diet options
- many workout options at office
- printer, big screens, big table
— Historical scan: The two acute stressors that require the harbor of office — WW) job expectation/demand, HH) loss of quiet time, similar to [1].
- In Dec 2021, I had HH alone. WW was very light.
- In Jan 2022, I had WW alone.
- But in Apr-Jun 2020 i.e. first lockdown, I had WW (heavy) + HH (kids HBL). That’s the worst months that required the harbor.
rivet gun #safety
In the beginning, When you fuly open the two handles, jaws loosen, so you can push and insert the stem. If you can’t insert the rivet stem into the noozle.. Just push harder.
When you close the two handles, the jaws tightens around the rivet stem, biting on them. The bite may become too tight, causing the stem to get stuck inside the jaws.
“stem” = the thin, long piece that is designed to break when elongated.
“jaws” = two small metal pieces with grove (or “teeth”) on the inside surface to catch and hold the stem.
Note the spring pushing on the two handles are much weaker than the spring hidden in the barrel.
Q: does the spring in the barrel help me Close or Open the handle?
%%A: close, but am not too sure
— After you install the rivet, you need to remove the stub from the jaws. What if stuck? You can google. I think lubricating helps.
— safety
Warning: some metal pieces may fly. Therefore, you are always advised to wear glasses.
##self-care under lockdown: private hour usages #MRT
k_quietime
Private hour is precious, mostly for self-care. I need to be selective when allocating private hours. If I devise a scheme to record utilization rate of each 30-min block, I suspect bulk of my private hours are spent .. elsewhere.
- sleep — Aim at more sleep (8H) than under un-heightened stress.
- Under heightened stress, Lack of sleep creates profound risk on performance worry, immunity, family harmony…. the steadfast focus targets
- therapeutic blogging, including some emails with friends, is my version of “meditation”.
- I had to do this at MRT or in a park, with mlphone as hotspot
- git-blogging and web blogging both became therapeutic self-care
- work project — underlies self-confidence, self-esteem, and reduces self-hate, anxiety… May need private hour
- localSys including reviews — less likely to need private hours
Q: what self-care t-spends don’t work so well
A: Don’t aim to be there for “them” all the time. I need quietime4selfcare
A: movies
A: Robinhood — too time consuming. I can’t “stop after 1 minute” as i wanted
Some self-care acts do __N_O_T__ require private hour:
- home repairs — (similar to gardening) tcost but can be therapeutic. Sense of achievement.
- covid19 news reading
- Robinhood, FSM
- read [[chicken soup]], [[读者]] etc
- Eng vocab blog review
- movies with kids — generate self-hate, though it sometimes builds some bonding
- time with grandpa — yes self-care
- help grandparents with logistics — not self-care
- longer sleep than before — Can generate guilt. Can help immunity
- — the familiar
- git-blogging or review of tanbinvest and 610610 blogs? guilty, but can do during day time, in another room.
- jogging, perhaps in parks? don’t need private hours. probably the most efficient self-care. Sometimes it lifts my mood, but this time is mostly invisible self-care. I need to maintain and hopefully increase the workout.
- mini exercise? kind of self-care, albeit too short to feel “tough” enough; Doesn’t need private hour
- tech xx or recrec blog? makes me feel doing something to strengthen myself, but no private hour needed