Tag: T_breakaway

see open blog

幸福:2cornerstones #breakaway^goodLife

Posted on by tiger40490

k_mellow k_def_of_success

See also

This bpost needs more clarity, to avoid becoming yet another forgettable analysis.

TJ.Lin: comfort zone guarded by internal^external protections is a simpler, earlier version of the GG+BB framework. GG is an external driver of my 幸福. BB is an internal driver.

— /genesis/ and intro .. In Sep 2022, when grandpa once against said my 幸福感 was precious and admirable, I realized that my 幸福 [peaceful contentment, successE, fat-n-happy, carefree ezlife] is rare (among my cohort) in two ways — GG) “good life” BB) breakaway. Both are impermanent in the Buddhist sense…. but I’m slowly growing confident.

As to the English translation, I feel /contentment/ is the more apt word than satisfaction.

— GG) By many objective yardsticks (data-based), my current life is a precious good life, not common even among the WSt elite.

However, I try to keep my feet on the ground — this “good life” is impermanent and utopian.

This “Good life” is more successE[cashflow, wellness, harmony] than successC.

— BB)  there are numerous imperfections in my “good life” that are commonly perceived as less-than-enviable, but as if by magical power I have progressively /neutralized/ and embraced them, and gradually mellowed up, breaking away from the common wrong priorities of the rat race.

Breakaway requires bold, independent thinking, honest and incisive self-evaluation, serenity, relying on self-knowledge advantage.

A small subset of the imperfections are listed below. Sometimes I perceive these imperfections as character building, tests of conviction, hard lessons.  Serenity is still badly needed whenever I find my blissful bubble derailed into a storm. There have been no big storm since 2018… reminds me of the long peace after WW2. A minor storm — boy in late 2023.

Crucially for my current 幸福 , my center of gravity is progressively shifting away from the wrong priorities [successsC, exclub,,,] towards wellness [including mental], successZ+E,,, I refer to it as a bold breakaway.

— Q1: What specific elements in GG or BB have improved (starting sometime in 2018) that give rise to my current 幸福感?

  • (BB+GG) anxiety/disappointment about boy….  Boy improved, but more crucially, I mellowed up more than his mom.
  • (GG) PIP .. appr by manager.
  • (BB) FOLB… I had many discussions with S.Liu, YY.T.
  • — for decades, above are the big-3 derailers/stressors across my tectonic plates. Below are Additional items:
  • (BB+GG) marriage, bonding with meimei
  • (BB) 5/wk workout .. improving my successZ
  • (GG) commute

For this bpost title, I chose “cornerstone” rather than “pillars”. Cornerstone is secure, not precarious.

Macq meet-up : the young ones

Posted on by tiger40490

In Macq 2015 or 2016, I attended a meet-up social event for “employees below VP”. I was visibly the oldest among the attendants, mostly in their 20s and 30s. I felt OK until the organizer’s opening remakrs referred to the meet-up as “…the younger employees”. I soon left and never attended another session. It’s a shocker that left a long shadow.

Put yourself in my shoes. If you feel ashamed of your age/rank, I think it’s normal (not ideal [1]). If the shame drives you to improve your overall professional effectiveness, not mere OC-effectiveness,  then good. If the shame drives you to seek leadership roles, then it could be deadly — Not everyone is suitable for leadership.

There are also non-managerial leaders such as technical leadership roles. Again, I don’t see the necessity to “climb” in those directions.

Q: What’s wrong with a greying techie not occupying any leadership role, just a foot soldier until retirement? WallSt contract roles are the best example I known.

[1] The shame is a toxic by-product of the drive en masse towards greater/bigger/higher i.e. more visible “success” as defined by exclub. We parents often push our kids to “achieve” more and get ahead, but remember the 4 def@success.

membrane: selective listening

Posted on by tiger40490

k_def_of_success

A letter not set out.

Hi TJ,

You are right about [[Thinking fast and slow]] but I mostly read the last 20%, a section on self-perception of well-being. That’s why I brought up Paul Allen, colostomy patients, healthy (and unhealthy) longevity.

Last week you asked why at my age I think so much about longevity. Well, I have always been a long-term planner, and now planning for the longest horizon till end of my life. Also, my parents talk about their health and late-life plans all the time.

I like your phrase “reaching that goal day by day”. Planning is easier than follow-through. I blog about my follow-through actions. I told you about my diet, workout, learning tech, active trading, hobbies…. not as fancy plans, but everyday actions.

You have a good point about “adjust” and “not affected by others”. I always feel the importance of the “membrane” through which we selectively (or involuntarily) receive influence. Clearly we need to adjust our planning, goals and priorities, mostly based on influence from other people, so we can’t operate with a water-proof membrane. Instead, each individual exercises discretion as to who we want to follow, who we want to listen to.

It turned out that many of my peers (classmates, colleagues, fellow techies) are not good influences on life priorities. I think many have not figured out what is important, so they follow the conventional, wrong priorities. So I want my membrane to block those influences. In reality, my membrane still lets in unwanted influence. I still question my breakaway from the convention yardsticks esp. about top schools for my kids.

I give an A- to my parent-child bonding, and my kids have a loving family. I am a caring father and don’t focus too much on academic benchmark. Still, whenever there is an academic comparison, my kids would often (like B-) appear inferior to the kids of my peers.

Tough. That’s why I need a highly selective membrane. I need long-horizon vision (that my father always shows by example). I need to drop the baggage and focus on the right priorities. Academic benchmark success doesn’t match my “easy life” yardstick, even though 自强不息 yardstick demands a serious effort.

Sent: Mon, Feb 21, 2022 11:10 AM
To: Victor
Subject: RE: a few topics discussed

I can understand how other values and they have own valid reasons. Since so many choices available and they make sense in different angle, that is why I said the most importance is you have your own belief and not really affected by others and willing to reach that goal day by day. You start from a solid belief and adjust it according to what you observe and practice. It will make ppl more mental health rather than anxious when seeing and comparing against others.

That is why I feel you got your point of work-life and you have strong reason to keep the current style.

inter-personal^personal effectiveness: long-term

Posted on by tiger40490

These and other personal success stories reveal a theme different from the mainstream, traditional narrative like “interpersonal effectiveness outweighs self-management”

My success in wellness is all about self-mgmt (including …) Just compare to the guys around.

My success in persona finance is all about self-mgmt including long-term planning.

My success in tech job market is mostly about tech muscle building, a challenge of self-mgmt.

My success in terms of career longevity (dev-till-70) is mostly self-mgmt.

In family leadership, I think interpersonal effectiveness is important and I have limited success.

In organizational leadership (within my chosen career path), I would say interpersonal is still secondary to GTD and other capabilities.

brkaway ^mellw ^blindFOMO ^wrongPrio ^misPceptn

Posted on by tiger40490

 

k_miswanting_blindFOMO … k_mellow

Eskimo languages have more *phrases* to describe snow because snow is improtant to their lives. Similarly, I have multiple powerDescriptors because the /subject/ is close to my heart.

— t_wrongPriority .. (a generic phrase) is related but is focused on the wrong priorities of my peers, while T_ska (a more specific phrase) usually about myself
— k_miswanting_blindFOMO .. see blind_FOMO[def]: TJ.Lin@Chn young techie #breakaway
— T_breakaway .. is related, but self-knowledge doesn’t always mean breakaway from mainstream
breakaway .. specifically about a bandwagon or brainwash
breakaway .. more decisive and more complete than t_mellow
— mellow .. shorter tag but more vague than wrongPriority/misPerception
mellow .. suggests a gradual learning journey
mellow .. related to stress, unlike t_misPerception
— ska .. is focused on self-knowledge

Y ctbz plann4 NY↔SG trips #w1r1

Posted on by tiger40490

My 15 to 20 roundtrips constitute a rich reservoir of real experiences, involving many decision and lessons.

k_ctbz

By default, the same flight would inflict

  • either huge $cost in terms of biz class seat
  • or heavy stress on my “system”

My ctbz provided big savings on $cost and wellness. Looking back, I think my planning was (extremely) elaborate:

  • I learned from experience and optimized on transport cost, to the extreme. eg: I remember pulling 3-piece luggage on the street of White Plains..I had no choice but pull 2 pieces at a time.
  • Unable to sleep while sitting up, I learned from experience and optimized rest before and after the long leg of the connected flight.
  • I learned from experience and optimized/maximize the amount of family time, usually 9 days +/-. Also minimized forgone billing.
  • .. Many would point out that contractors are unlucky as we can’t afford to take these unpaid leaves, but looking back I have no regrets.
  • I learned from experience and optimized for tech learning, workout/stretch (dangerous?), blogging on the trip. I hand-picked reading materials for carry-on. See Q2.
  • I had to prepare for temperature change throughout
  • ^^^ Overall, I score myself 98 marks on ctbz/optimization and planning

Q3 (paradox): why did I /endure/ so much suffering [lost sleep, stress, headache..] , when I (supposedly) had a basic ffree and carefree ezlife?
A: I wanted to keep my U.S. job while keeping my GC alive. Without the GC, without the U.S. as alternative to SG, I would lose one major defense/cushion for family livelihood.
A: SG job market was/is tough and very limited. It has major impact on family well-being (beyond livelihood). In my previous SG jobs, I had work hazards in the form of traumatic experiences, deep scars, low self-esteem, job insecurity.

So the elaborate planning was part of the grand total cost of setting up my 2nd base i.e. the U.S. (SG being home base). This grand total cost covers IB4US and c++US periods. “Headache” is a common phrase to describe the elaborate planning but actually tongue-in-cheek.

Paradox –> My carefree ezlife was not so adequate, so comfortable after all. I still needed to sacrifice quite a bit for my family’s future.

Q2: what’s the total non-financial cost of each trip? Lost sleep, physical fatigue for sure.
A: I had lots of fun on each trip, starting from the night before. My elaborate planning was kinda active learning by experiment.
A: I had heightened/elevated motivation for tech learning on the trip.
A: I had some workout on the trip, too.
A: I needed to take precautions to avoid many common missteps, but the stress profile was kinda mixed positive/negative

accept`lower pay as greying SWE

Posted on by tiger40490

k_X_FOMO_v_livelihood .. k_def_of_success

This bpost pulls together a number of related power phrases from the open blog, so I made a bold decision to maintain this bpost in open blog. These phrases are powerful “agents” in my world. They interact with each other, often battling each other. Some kind of harmony and /reconciliation/ is often needed. See also

The trigger: SY.C said a friend in his 50s landed a SWE job at Citadel. I said I won’t aim so high in my 50s, but that’s not passive acceptance, because I still put in some real effort on the job, on active learning, and self-improvement.

— passive acceptance of a bad outcome (i.e. lower pay)? From this point of view, I choose SS more than ZZ
知足常乐 .. I said I’m contended with my dev-till70 plan, even though salary is not so high.
— threat of early involuntary retirement? With dev-till70, I choose ZZ more than SS
— successZ^successE
Harmony? My attitude, my plan ticks both successZ and successE. I think this bpost is a worthwhile illustration of successZ.
— FOMO^livelihood .. I said in my late 50s I would aim at USD 100k/Y pre-tax, in today’s dollars. Much higher than 80% of median household income, therefore sufficient for my family.

Bold and unrealistic lifestyle  for most of my middle-class cohort.
— breakaway, wrong priority,
Q: In my 50s, how important is salary, relative to 1) sexual well-being or 2) chin-up 3) healthy diet for life

I now think successC is really a distraction from those meaningful challenges. Granted that getting a Citadel job at that age is great for learning and self-renewal. However, not everyone is so strong, competitive and capable.

I pointed out to SY.C that Citadel SWE jobs have a tough reputation, and may hurt my successE, so I may not look forward to it.

Those who still focus on exclub in their 50s probably have the wrong priorities.