We are not failed parents!
- both kids are healthy, honest
- screen time is limited
- boy takes care of meimei
- they are reasonably good on academics, beyond benchmark grades
Tag: t_upto7
[24]objects misplaced at home: ag`issue2manage
k_classify_objects k_short_term_mem_challenge
Things misplaced at home .. a common challenge in old age, as short-term memory declines.
visible .. My parents tend to dump everything on tables or in big shallow drawers.
I can prepare in advance by growing future-proof habits.
— Classifying .. one of my “favorite pastimes” since my teenage years, but I am not improving.
Some objects like torchlight [and needles, scissors, nail clippers, thermometer,,,] should be acquired in bulk and placed “everywhere” at home, not in a singe location.
[22]no more envy: underpaid cf US for20Y
This is a deep and long “bruise” (imperfect metaphor.. LG), occasionally painful but extremely common.
For most of my life, I was constantly envious of nationals of richer countries. More resources, bigger safety net, more life chances. That’s until I became SPR.
— underpaid .. When I became a SWE in SG, for years I was envious of SWE in U.S. — Same workload, I was paid far less.
Now in 2022, I feel whether in SG or WSt (where I can work), I am paid similar to the highest paid SWEs i.e. in WCBA.
impact: universityBrand>FCH> EE-DL>bookPrize #selfEsteem
There are other ROI to my “UChicago investment”, but today I will focus on 2) personal branding and 1) self-esteem as a goodStudent/outstandingStudent/.
For years during and after NUS, my self-esteem was tied to EE-DL (Department of E.Engin Dean’s list) and then to FCH (first-class honors degree). However, in hind sight,
- how about my Engineering faculty book prize? Probably one student per year in the EE department. More unique.
- UChicago branding has more impact on my self-esteem (and personal branding) than EE-DL + FCH combined. The GPA or class of honors don’t matter in the broad strokes
- FCH has more impact than EE-DL in the broad strokes
I’m witnessing opium destroying a young life 侵蚀心灵
k_counsellor
Since 2019, I have witnessed that he demands more gaming time if he was asked to do a few P3-level math problems, write a few Chinese characters for practice, jog half a kilo, or practice a few minutes on the piano.
In 2019, I commented that 他每天的生活重心就是手机游戏，每天一回家就需要先玩游戏来解脱。得到了满足才能做作业。
These are the sign of opium dependency.
He appears to be overstimulated by the opium. a few years ago he was watching more television everyday, but now his interest has shifted to smartphone games. He is not interested in most outdoor activities. Used to enjoy cycling more…
He has close to zero motivation for study, or piano, or physical exercise.
FOMO ^ blessings to cherish: +/-ve peer comparison
Comparison with the less fortunate makes us grateful (and yes, humble), but I reject endless peer comparison.
Q: How do you square this circle?
A: I don’t have a good short answer. I basically follow the feedback loop — increase those efforts having good result, and avoid actions that proved harmful
- I actively reject FOMO
- I actively remind myself to compare with the less fortunate
Given my bare-bones ffree, I feel blessed … when comparing to those (richer or poorer) without ffree. However, my ffree is bare-bones, so I remind myself to avoid benchmarking with the rich.
Compare across, not compare up — a “sound” sound byte?
the worse between mediocre^学坏 #心目中的形象
which of these two scenarios would be a worse nightmare?
- my kids go to a below-average college, get a mediocre job, earning a below-average income — 孩子长大碌碌无为，做普通人, 也能快乐幸福一辈子
- 学坏, renegade, delinquent … get into trouble.
- Hopefully a low risk if both parents stay with the kids, but consider Aunt Genn.
If ah-boy is just mediocre, then most likely he didn’t “try enough”. My harsh attitude (在他心目中的形象) would not help him improve (I tend to overestimate my influence and power over him) but could threaten the precious bonding.
CSY’s BostonU kid
Shanyou’s son has academic talents in high school but refused to study. He “only” managed to earn a half-scholarship to study comp science in Boston University. Shanyou felt “what a waste — he could have got into ivy league”.
I’m feeling the same about my son. As I criticize CSY for his parenting attitude/perception, I have to admit that I am in the same trap — 五十步笑百步.
This is one of the elements of reality I have to accept.
myth: U.S.parent`culture=weaker #lower@bmark
My view of U.S. vs Chinese parenting culture/practices is biased.
I tend to feel U.S. one is weaker, ineffective and failing, but look at the output of these two parenting cultures. Out of 10,000 comparable (mostly white-collar or middle-class) families, the number of “successful” (beyond grades) adult children is not higher among the Chinese. In fact, as soon as we look beyond standardized benchmarks, the comparative picture would be very very different between the two cultures.
U.S.edu=more encourag`less competitive #b4highSchool
U.S. edu (and parenting) culture — more encouragement, more confidence building, less “rule-abiding” as I experienced first-hand in Singapore system.
I think many kids at 12 are not motivated by any keen interest in anything whatsoever. By my standard, perhaps half are unmotivated to study. Does the U.S. system give them too much freedom? I think so.
I was told at high school freshmen level, the competitiveness would emerge, at least in some good schools, but focus today is the earlier years.