Tag: t_1A4parent

1st aid for parenting

[19] expectation@boy: Need2avoid..

Posted on by tiger40490

See the complete list at ##Let us accept #current pains

Need to avoid micromanaging his homework and losing my cool
Need to avoid comparing with me on STEM subjects
Need to avoid talking to LianZhong or other parents with academic kids … counterproductive

Whenever I say “compared to the academic kids” or “the China students”, I’m implicitly using myself as the benchmark.

When other parents start talking about top schools, I need to either politely get away or change topic

— i need to listen and focus less on stories of my friends practicing math at young age.

These guys could do it because like my daughter they have more absorbency.

Listening to these stories increases my frustration that my son lacks the “normal” absorbency and is somehow inferior.

In reality, many people lack the absorbency but have other strengths, so not inferior.

 

##Let us accept #acute pains]fall`behind

Posted on by tiger40490

k_mellow

  • Accept that he would have no desire to change the habit of sugary beverage.
  • Accept his fitness — no talent, no determination, no habit,
  • Accept that he could have more joy in a lighter-load learning environment but in reality he is unable to climb up there — trapped inside the tower at the hot section down below (the hell)…
  • [t] Accept that he will spend lots of his precious leisure time in ineffective homework + additional tuition, not learning much, but he doesn’t care.
  • [t] Accept that he might continue to wastes his time for hours after lunch, and then in the 11th hour suffer the pressure and fail to complete his homework, but he doesn’t care.
  • [t] Accept that because of heavy homework, he would have limited sleep, but he doesn’t care. Improved after P6.
  • [t] Accept that due to insufficient spare time, I would have limited methods to motivate him.
  • [m] Accept he would use calculator for everything.
  • [m] Accept that he may not acquire the pattern-recognition “vision” crucial in math word problems, and pattern recognition could remain a “don’t-care” item for him.
  • [m] Accept that he might continue to wander off in class, later unable to apply the new skill on his math homework.
  • Accept that he could remain very weak on P2 arithmetic skills, largely due to lack of effort
  • [mt] Accept that he might continue to refuse pencil, and continue to waste his precious time on correction tapes. Accept that he would NOT learn to cross out and quickly restart.
  • [m] Accept that he will remain too lazy to apply his mind or bother to recall what he learnt in the past.
  • [m] Accept my time spent “helping” him may continue to produce dismal results, leading to frustration, regret,,,
  • Accept that he would continue to lose his expensive belongings like bottle, calculator, goggle, pencil-box, glasses, MRT card,
  • Accept that even if he gets up 10 minutes in advance he would still leave home too late. Completely improved.
  • Accept he would continue to reach school late. Completely improved.
  • Accept that he could complete my math worksheets but refuse correction
  • [t=time-usage efficiency]
  • [m=math, esp. word problems]
  • [any number=category 1 to category 3 of acute pains]

Looking into the pattern of my anxieties, I think most of the acute current pains are related to falling behind other kids (of the same age group). Items below present themselves over a longer horizon.

  • Accept that his benchmark results may remain far below those “academic kids” including those “China kids”

##boy’s 4 frightening experiences: parent-inflicted

Posted on by tiger40490

k_anger_mgmt

  1. First time is X’mas2015 piano – 1st time I abused my power to punish boy
  2. 2nd time is “holding both arms out front horizontally”, sometime in P2
  3. 3rd time — wife was infuriated and threw a plastic toy that hit his lip. Dabao was / frightened /, but I believe he knows Mom was annoyed like hell and did it by accident
  4. 4th time — hard slapping on dabao’s lap

In all these incidents, the parent lost his/her cool and the kid felt frightened, over-punished, or even unsafe.

mental image: HappyMediocreChild having limited zqbx

Posted on by tiger40490

k_X_power_descriptor

I need to keep this image of my kids. It is a good + practical goal

I can see that if academic pressure were lower (as in the U.S.), and his relative academic weakness were not so visible, then everyone would be happier.

In fact, I think his P1 and P2 years are just like that.

with numerical scores (not grades), situation would appear worse.

— For the long horizon, I have told myself to accept a happy mediocre child. This prospect feels similiar to my personal weaknesses in FOLB:
* Chinese compo weakness in Grade7-8
* limited leadership capacity

— For the short term, I need to accept a below-average level of zqbx, mtv, determination, confidence, drive, self-control, goal/desire…

Grandpa calls it immaturity.

absorbency n effort, again #leetcode

Posted on by tiger40490

My criticism on boy is mostly about effort and absorbency, but my own absorbency is also limited. So is my wife’s absorbency. 五十步笑百步。 I’m unable to do N leetcode problems a week!

Compared to him, I think I know the long-term consequences better.

I think my son is making some effort. His math talent and absorbency (abilities) is limited. If that’s the case we have limited reason to blame him. We had better accept him as is. Perseverance is questionable. When I used perseverance to push myself into doing push-up, sit-up, forward-bend in my Sec 2, I couldn’t last.

Q: Is Absorbency part of effort or abilities?
A: In my case, it’s an ability. In my son, i tend to see it as effort… double standard!

am I zen about bmark rat race: long^short horizon

Posted on by tiger40490

When you sense your simmering frustration (反感) with ah-boy’s motivation, attitude, effort,,,, you should tell yourself to cool down for an hour and ask yourself

Q: Let’s Be honest, are you zen about the peer comparison rat race?

Grandpa is more zen.

I’m slightly more zen about the longer horizon than the shorter horizon. I CAN improve on both horizons.

joltParent`^1stAid ^parent`twisterSMS

Posted on by tiger40490
  • t_1stAid .. about acute pains
  • t_parentingTwisterSMS.. is an general principle, encapsulated into a SMS, but not about acute pains
  • t_joltParenting .. is not a principle.

Given joltParenting is overcrowded, I propose to use Sticky, t_fuxi ec to create subgroups.

These tags should Not convert to header keywords. Tags are more convenient — browsing,,,