Background: https://btv-open.dreamhosters.com/45218/inferiority-projection/ describes a broader pattern. As a specific sub-pattern, People who _believed_ in my potential are often perceived as inferior, unwise, second-class.
Actually, they are often successful/admirable/attractive.
— Sgp (ICA, government or the nation).. did choose me for PR/citizenship, and for my wife’s PR/citizenship. For decades I felt inferior about Sgp. I wanted to emigrate to Europe, or N.A. See my email on 2020 National Day.
— my employers .. are comparable to the “women case” desribed later — they chose me, therefore perceived inferior. In reality, many of these employers are iconic — NYSE, Macq, Verizon,, Many of them are highly selective in hiring — MLP, GS, MS,, Many of them were market leaders [mvea, Macq, GS, volFitter, EPA,,,]
Limitations of the employer who chose me? Every employer has limitations. However, when we are still paid by a company (either as employer or client), we need to be careful about bad-mouthing (painting a negative picture). It’s indirectly biting the hand that feeds you.
— my alma mater ..(母校) for many years I projected my inferiority to NUS, HCJC/Shiyan, and UChicago (nowadays I recognize them as prestigious elite schools, with long track record of competitive excellence.). I considered “my school” as second-class precisely because they accepted me!
Now I think even if I am one day accepted by MIT, I would still question the reputation of the school after I witness some limitations. There are comparative weaknesses in every college. Some weaknesses would support my skepticism. In reality, UChicago and NUS have real quality in teaching, students caliber, exams, research etc.
After we graduate, we become lifetime ambassadors of the college, unless we have been mistreated (UChicago treated me well). Therefore, whatever negative comments, whatever shortcomings, need to be handled diplomatically, as ambassadors do.
Q: Which school, like an employer, actually chose me for my background, my self-presentation, rather than my (anonymous and objective) benchmark scores?
A: (Not NUS and Shiyan). UChicago chose me in an admission exercise of 10% selectivity; HCJC chose me with a big risk.
==== women who liked me or some attractive quality in me (including some white and some ethnic Indian girls)
(A woman who chooses me can be classified as a one-person team.)
One of the earliest examples: From primary school to college, some girls would notice attractive qualities in me, without a crush. I immediately classified all “admirers” as unattractive, or leftovers. This is a projection of my inferiority self-image.
In reality, many of these girls were truly perceptive, intelligent individuals and sharp observers. ChunMei is one of few individuals I would name. We were not friends for long before she got to know me pretty well.
In early 2015, I met my first “girl friend”, a PhD medical researcher, another sharp and intelligent lady.
— As to my wife, she is the opposite of those young ladies. However, the same projection continued i.e. I often feel, at different times, that she is inferior as a person precisely becuase she chose me. This example probably shows the depth of my self-inferiority.
In reality, what did the “similar”girls choose as life partners? I would guess a businessman, a manager, or a government official wouldn’t automatically make a better match. In fact these Chinese guys are less likely to choose “a pretty women without a degree”.
— White women are an interesting case. For many years I had (or have) held a racial bias which assigned a superiority to white women. I don’t remember too many individuals but a few white women actually showed appreciation for some of my personal qualities. Same result — immediately I classified them as .. less attractive.
In 1993, after we moved to Pasir Ris, our family met with a British Chinese lecturer in Architecture, and his British wife. Some days later, for some reason, my mom commented that the Caucasian women was probably not the most attractive women in her community (she didn’t say “leftovers”), because she had chosen a non-Caucasian husband! I immediately objected my mother’s projection of racial inferiority — “I’m inferior human species. You chose me so you are inferior too.”
— Zoe Tay married an air force pilot. If I were him, I would question why my wife, this glamorous woman, didn’t choose a rich businessman. Now I think Zoe is one of the smartest actresses. She didn’t need a rich businessman, full stop. Successful actresses often choose someone reliable. As the chosen man, I ought to feel proud of my character, rather than inferior to the rich businessmen that were brushed aside by my beautiful wife.
— ex-classmates’ husbands .. When I think of a specific female ex-classmate, I often ask myself what kind of husband she may have. I don’t know any of those husbands, but I usually assume them to be 高富帅. A self-invented inferiority!
- How about BMI and belly? I bet more than half of them are inferior.
- How about flexibility? I guess 1/3 of them are even worse than me.
- How about active days/week? I bet most of them are inferior.
- How about bonding with the kids? I probably fare better than half of them.
- How about retirement healthcare and income, long-term inflation protection, stable rental income,,, to support the family?
- How about career longevity?
- What’s more important in a husband — brank or health?
- if you are one of these women classmates, what kind of father and role model do you want for your kids?
So I think for many of these women classmates, choosing a guy like me is probably smarter in hindsight.
If that’s true, then we should all agree that I am a decent man.