Looking back at the last 3 months since my disappointing review and bonus, i am trying to understand why i had no choice but resigning on my own. I seriously considered 3 options

* if possible and lucky, find a financial developer job anywhere in NY, big or small companies
* otherwise, resign and return to S’pore.
* otherwise, resign and take a pay cut anywhere in NY/NJ in any no-name small software company or web shop

Many friends and my family repeatedly recommend that I put in the minimum effort on my current job and wait for layoff, so I can get a severance package.

I think this experience is one of the most bitter and painful during my entire working life. This is why I tried so hard to hold on to the job offers I received. Losing them, i go back to job-hunting mode and if not lucky i go back to S’pore.

Communications and efficiency are the 2 root causes, as identified by my senior manager.

For the initial 2 months i operated as a senior developer, in a self-directed mode. For example, i gave only high level updates to managers, on a weekly basis. I made decisions on implementation or how to communicate with users or external teams. However, As managers inquire about details, they see many things not done “right”. My supervisor explained a few times “we will give you more freedom and leeway once we have confidence in you”.

For a long time i felt extremely micro-managed. My supervisor was so busy (almost a bottleneck) i didn’t want to ask him at every right turn and left turn. But feedback was i should communicate more with managers. I shifted gear to operate as a junior developer, requiring lots of hand-holding — “high-maintenance”, my senior manager said. For example, i decided to give daily updates and discuss many implementation details with managers.

My communications with users was more problematic than my technical, so i needed even more hand-holding. In my 2nd year’s review this improved so much that i received top rating on client service, but still some users commented on my communications.

Hand-holding slowed me down. Productivity requires a certain level of autonomy. I didn’t know or attempt to acquire such autonomy. In fact, I avoided increasing responsibility or additional work, driven by the fear of overwhelming workload. It’s a negative feedback cycle — overwhelmed by workload so (subconsciously) i fell into avoidance mode.

Avoiding unfamiliar components of our system, i remained unfamilar with most of our system for a year (until I changed my mind to take up those components.) I also filtered out most email threads, due to information overload and other reasons. Consequently, it was impossible to gain confidence, efficiency or autonomy. So far in 3 sub systems i show confidence, efficiency and autonomy, all because of one reason — system knowledge (implementation, requirement, limitations…) I feel the pattern is the same for all the colleagues too.

Avoidance mode was my choice, a practical, healthy, self-preservation decision. I didn’t feel confident I could handle the increased responsibility, not at that time.

At end of 2008, another career advice was project management — what i call “autonomy”. However, when I tried to operate more independently, i hit resistance. 3 steps up, 2 steps down. I don’t feel managers have confidence in my judgement. Also I wanted protection and proper approval from a control perspective. So i continue to function as a junior developer — high maintenance.

Thanks so much. Allow me to focus on your tip for me (Will reply to other parts of your email another day.)

“Pay attention to what your managers wants, and you should be able to handle it very well” — i will print this out and paste on my wall. I failed to really really get what my manager wants.

I often feel justified to concentrate on presenting my counter-arguments, but such concentration could affect the level of attention on listening. Perhaps as a result, i listen selectively and superficially.

Perhaps I listen selectively and superfically to most friends, family, users and colleagues.

That’s bad, but it’s worse when it’s with boss.

Action points:
* I will build up a reputation as a “good listener”, first with colleagues then with family.
* I will become a better listening boss for my future subordinates, than my boss is for me.
* I will speak less when talking to boss
* I will take more notes when talking to boss
* I will become a better listening husband for my wife, than my dad was for my mom
* One day I will become a better listening dad for my son, than my dad was for me
(My dad is a good listening husband and father.)

Ask managers to confirm what they want, by writing down key points in emails. (Gauge what’s important to write.)

This is advisable if you have difficulty understanding what they want, in complete details. Focus on the key points.