Decades ago, many ordinary workers would spend many hour commuting by foot. They have to.
You may feel pity for them.
But that’s not a medical condition.
k_CAD .. k_ascetic .. k_X_细水长流 .. k_sinkingXp
The CAD chance discovery was a sinking experience, a huge blow, a lightning strike, and I was temporarily disoriented. This bpost is a loose collection of various losses behind my grieving. In this introspection, precision is not required. (Note “griefs” and “grievings” are both rare plural words.)
Slowly, many of the griefs have been absorbed, /sunk in/. A few griefs were initially exaggerated and now look less grave than other challenges of everybody’s life. I feel this bpost has been effective in this process.
Q: what’s my biggest grief following the CAD diagnosis?
A: the reassuring and valuable “parachute” of WStC for the last chapter of my career. (A longer introspection could go into a separate bpost in the gz blog.)
For some people, smoke/alcohol are essential to quality of life. For me, Q@L includes intimacy, workout, fruits, cakes,, Losing these freedoms or cutting back on these pleasures really cut deep esp. for loss of intimacy. However, sicne my 40s I have progressively given up lots of cakes, fried starch,,,,
For GM, GP and Sherry, loss of mobility is a heavier grief, and heavier blow.
— life expectancy, my chance to stay with my kids till they grow to middle-age…. has dropped to a G5 item even before my 25 Apr review session. Not really my biggest grief.
In contrast, a cancer diagnosis is often more /grave/. Cancer is harder to arrest. Cancer treatments entail more sacrifices/suffering.
— With Yuyun, I briefly explored other traumatic/disabling diseases… Each a sinking feeling when it hits. What is the invisible thread that runs through?
- I told Yuyun about EDyw .. prolonged grieving
- I told Yuyun about colostomy
- I told Yuyun about dreaded t2dm .. see notes about “ALL sweet”
- I told Yuyun about dialysis .. 3 times a week. Huge loss of freedom
- how about hearing loss .. grandma
- how about mobility .. grandpa, young colleagues
- how about 破相 ..
Level of grief depends on the age when we lose something valuable. See DALYs [ disability-adjusted life years]. At 50, I had a “50% CAD” diagnosis but no stent.
— grieving .. over .. the freedom to sleep late. Some healthy young people can sleep late without health impact (though it’s not a healthy habit).
I will need to avoid overnight flights, too.
Perhaps this grief is a nudge (or jolt) to improve my sleep higiene. Over the years, I often notice that morning noise is bad for my sleep.
Only in epa job, I had the precious option of swing shift, but after CAD, my wife urged to work regular hours.
— grieving over .. the freedom to enjoy a wide range of exercises .. has dropped to a G7 item. I was never able to do skating, rock-climbing,,,
Strech exercise … no “grief”
consider YY.T’s grieving over his freedom to run. He had to replace it with swimming.
chin-up
==== grieving over food freedom ..
I started my “grieving” 10+ years ago due to cholesterol. Even earlier, since my teenage, I have long given up the freedom to eat whatever I want, whenever I want it. Such an unconstrained freedom gave my kids constipation and tooth decay, and gave me overweight.
~~ How about Total Gastrectomy.. I have heard about two such cases within 2 weeks after my CAD diagnosis! Gastrectomy would entail huge diet restrictions. Still, the survivors can live a normal life.
~~ grieving over .. “sweet foods”
Q: to prevent t2dm, will I have to avoid (not eliminate) ALL sweet foods [cakes, chocolates, many fruits,,,]
I told Huimei that fortunately sugary foods without starch/fat are not so attractive to me…
However, when Dr Leow warned me about the very big impact (not “risk”) of t2dm, I had a sinking feeling .. I may need to further restrain myself.
Perhaps this is a valuable jolt (or nudge) to adopt more strict but healthier diet habits. Not ascetic though. I don’t think anyone in my shoes would become 100% strict. (Huimei said “quality of life”.) I refuse to benchmark myself with 苦行僧/ascetic, whose existence is in my imagination only. I refuse to beat myself up.