Category: t_selfTalk

clearer thinking->less irrational anxieties #deep#cognitive

Posted on by tiger40490

intelligence, memory capacity, clear thinking, sharp perception … can help the individual deal with depression, pessimism, anxiety, emotional pains…

I think most pessimistic thoughts are irrational and/or biased.

“Explanatory style” .. see [[learned optimism]]

“Mindfulness” is a therapy. This therapy can even cope with brain aging… need to read more.

Memory is a muscle.. I think corrective thinking like my twister SMS is also a muscle one can improve by everyday training.

blogg .. proven to reduce irrational thoughts

— eg: anxieties about teenager kids … often irrational

##[22]faking-> slow conviction-> behavior change #mindOverBody

Posted on by tiger40490

k_my_kindness

人就是这样，装得久了，就装得像了；装得太像、太久，不管事实怎样，自己倒是先信了。而这当然会影响之后的决定和行为。(can find on baidu.)

faking — means self-persuasion against acquired beliefs + conventional views + so-called facts.

To a lesser extent, imitating a role model has a similar effect.

— In Dec 2024, I shared the same with Edwin..

  • brank is not everything. Wellness is more important esp. on the death bed
  • brank can dissolve like clay statue in water

— 装/faking and self-talk are closely related.

Self-talk, twister-SMS, sentence completion are relevant

— examples in n around me:

  • After O-levels results in Jan 2025, I said boy did much better than I feared
  • [装] my attitudes about ITE, poly, JC
  • [装] self-rating of optimistic personality.. self-belief that I’m usually lucky .. such as H1b lottery
  • I was truly grateful to FSC
  • I was truly grateful to the flexible work hours at MLP etc
  • [[Improving your memory]]P23 self-talk about your own memory
  • [装]  Related self-belief that I have a heart of kindness [for my family members, for strangers,,,] and therefore 好人有好报 [+ve karma]
  • my and grandpa’s optimism about ah-boy
  • my decision to rent in an average school district
  • My work ethics and my professionalism
  • ..My dedication to quality in my work.. quality mindset
  • my decision on dev-till-70 and healthy longevity till 95
  • I told Jason etc that I can accept layoff if my “best effort” is not enough
  • [装] bonus .. my expectation, gratutude and reactions
  • My conservation/eco effort (doing my small part).. Example: In the luxury Conrad hotel, I was determined and consistent in saving water, reducing waste. Actions speak louder than words. I can claim to be good habitant of Planet Earth.

##CAD: %%adaptations; thankGod

Posted on by tiger40490

k_CAD

This bpost is effective because it has a focus on exactly two items (“connected” twins). Three items would be too many, in my experience.

[1] In fact, this job does require some level of performance..”deserve”. I appreciate any employer that protects and accepts me with all my limitations.

Q: Why of all things, a job is such a special thing to protect? Why not my marriage, my bonds with each family member, my hearing, my mobility, my memory capacity,,,
A: I think it’s because a job (any job) is 1) a basis of many important things 2) likely to become unstable within 10Y, and can easly change my family situation . Also, there’s a lot I can do to protect it (though private sector employees never have 100% control.)

— Thank God .. I want to protect A) my EPA job [1] and B) my precious and healthy heart

  • Thank God my heart is still intact, strong and healthy .. a self-talk slogan
  • .. My right arteries are not so badly clogged.
  • Thank God for my still-healthy joints, bones that enable me to enjoy various exercises that protect my heart + other organs. In contrast, many friends/colleagues younger or older have bone problems, which may not heal completely. Perhaps my new, reduced intensity level is actually a better workout habit for my age. In that case, I am grateful for this impetus.
  • serendipity, dump luck
  • .. I discovered it before sustaining any heart damage
  • .. I discovered it before developing hypertension
  • .. I discovered it before I need stenting
  • Compared to cancer, stoke, disabilities,,, CAD will spare me of a long adjustment to reduced quality of life.
  • excellent company insurance
  • flexible work hours
  • Thank God for my short commute… the prospect of long commute is a /looming/ stressor. I feel that on some days it would inevitably erode the precious little recuperation time I have each day, although some x% of commuters manage to recharge white sitting in a bus/train.
  • Thank God I have a sister.
  • Lucky I have a very attentative dietician to guide me
  • My free books on health .. have become relevant
  • Thank God I don’t feel any addiction to tobacco.
  • Luckily I eat slowly. I can learn to eat without distraction
  • Thank God I still can get 8h+ sleep. I need 7h+ to protect my heart. Many people don’t sleep easy.

— I am showing positive, life-enhancing adaptations. Some are difficult to keep up.

  • — I prefer less vague, more specific items
  • I now appreciate wife’s cooking
  • U.S. career plan revisited with multiple friends
  • am paying attention to my anger and blood pressure consequences
  • am re-trying earlier sleep
  • slower and gentle jogging
  • weight training .. slower, spaced-out
  • am eating dinner earlier
  • more carrots .. double down, simplify

safe blogg]ff #mirror

Posted on by tiger40490

 

k_all_green_dashboard

“safe blogg” means readonly blogg in office without breach. No posting. Mostly printing.

Some level of “inconvenience” is common, frequent and almost unavoidable. Serenity! Be adaptable, not perfectionist. ( Analog: BigBrother all-green is something rare and temporary. )

Reality — at home I have multiple laptops and printer for blogg -> Bloblo may nudge me to spend more time at home. Could be a positive change in the long run.

— twister sms to accept the company policy gracefully. I need effective self-talk, just as my needs it.

  • I am a flexible and adaptable employee. I can recover from company restrictions and find solutions, and get use to the new normal.
  • info sec team is paid to protect the firm infrastructure. Company infrastructure is crucial and can bring down the entire company.
  • .. Company Policy — If any site (not only personal blogs) poses a threat to firm computer network, InfoSec will block it, without exception. The blocking is irreversible. For any unblocked blog, you need to ensure it doesn’t “upgrade” to an unsafe version.
  • I do appreciate the company wifi as an alternative. I was able to appeal to the info-sec team lead and get a fair hearing. I am always an appreciative employee.
  • many past employers are more restrictive. I remember GS. In Qz team, even stackoverflow is blocked. I was reminded that some civil servants don’t have internet access at all.
  • To my surprise, I have adapted well to the “print2pdf -> mass-mail to office -> wait 20m -> print out”. However, the home printers remain a valuable /fallback/

— mirror to ease printing in office
Opiton 1: no change. USD 13/M
Option 2: get free domain name, then migrate (legwork) one of my 3 blogs to new domain name.

Option 2a: set up tmpMirror123.dreamhosters.com.
Benefit…. printing from office

option 2b: change hosting provider (legwork) if mirror confirmed.
Additional benefit…. save on hosting fee

Main t$cost is legwork. I am in no hurry, but I may lose motivation during the long journey. If I worry about the disappointment and frustration, then maybe choose Option 1.

A second t$cost is domain registration cost… about USD 20/Y. Quite small compared to hosting fee, but it is still a headache.

Once I set up a mirror, it represents a hazard. Now I feel Option 2a (or 2b) is low value high risk high effort.

 

[23]pessimism: self-talk2counter #cognitive

Posted on by tiger40490

harmony?

— Buddhist detachment .. sandwich generation, my job and beyond

—  aging .. My 2023~24 episode of pessimism is about coping (and making peace) with aging. My aging is kind of gathering pace, and I think it will accelerate. Gradually I will lose physical and some mental capacities. I will adjust to it, even though adjustment can be stressful, painful, frustrating,,,

— past examples of twisterSms

  • In my 80s, I don’t have to experience similar pains as grandpa … I can plan ahead to avoid them. In fact, currently I’m probably exaggerating their pains. They frequently point out that other people are more positive and optimistic.
  • my current work stress is growing, but lower than during Quack, RJO… not to mention earlier jobs. I survived those, and I will survive this one
  • I still can enjoy intimacy, though not as active as in 2021-2022
  • I’m fit, slim, with good mobility, despite my conditions. A “savior” and advantage is proactive screening incl. OGTT
  • I have more friends than I have time for meet-up. More friends are reaching out to me for support.
  • Some CAD patients had their diagnosis along with (diagnosis of) another condition, or more often due to symptoms such as angina or heart attack. Even more patients had CAD when they are overweight. I had hit CAD not when I’m out of job, stuck on a tough job market, not during a divorce or marriage crisis, not when my kids are in trouble as in late 2023, not when some major investment is in deep trouble.
  • I’m lucky with CAD discovered by chance. Consequently, I’m more vigilant against t2dm, hypertension, cancers,,,
  • China capital control .. but ICBC system is secure. I feel my parents are protected esp. against scam.

— sentence completion .. some are twisterSMS

  • I’m lucky with A95 and HP71
  • I”m wise with my will taken care of
  • I’m happy to stay in the eq/FX domain
  • I’m hopeful because .. my daughter is smart, hardworking and enjoys working with dad on math problems. She may be slower but she Can learn most of the topics, because she is willing to apply herself.
  • I’m lucky and good because .. Compared to me, most of my younger peers are facing more livelihood stress. I am on higher ground due to decades of pff discipline
  • I’m hopeful and confident because .. I have above-average wellness habits. I have trec of self-motivation, commitment to wellness habits.
  • I’m good with my will completed and stored safely
  • I’m confident because .. I have the U.S. option. 狡兔三窟 as grandpa often says
  • I’m lucky because … (in terms of sandwich generation) my parents are financially self-sufficient, and my kids are healthy and competent
  • I’m lucky and confident (about grandma) because .. When grandpa passes on, grandma has multiple choices, more than many in her cohort. These choices are not so horrible.
  • I’m lucky with old parents taken care of in a high-end retirement home
  • I’m lucky because at my age, my parents are still in reasonable health, not really in pain
  • I’m lucky with my commute ! Long commute is a recurring stressor (NY) many people have to deal with, on a daily basis.
  • I’m lucky with my health .. skin itch has gone
  • We made the right choice .. about our #1169 home because mosquitos much fewer

— other sentence completions not directly addressing pessimism. I don’t want to include them in the lists above and “dillute”

  • We made the right choices .. A95 and Hp71 have proven durable; both printers durable
  • I’m a good role model ….. energy conserver with A/C

selfCoach`=1@G5cop`strategies #sentence-completion

Posted on by tiger40490

I may not be a great coach to my colleagues or my kids, but I am effective as a coach to myself:

[ q = This practice requires quietime and some infrastructure like git-blogging, smemo]

  • invest time to build rich vocab for precise description of  adversities that are not only stressful, crushing but also confusing/tricky. The vocab brings clarity.
  • [q] therapeutic blogging, expressive writing .. expressive-writing : resonates with me #Pennebaker
  • [q] explicit, cognitive self-talk. I sometimes uses email to friends for the same purpose.
  • positive twister SMS ..

— [q] sentence completion .. I like the sentence-completion exercise. Everyone I know experiences negative self-image once a while. I use this technique when the negative self-image generates too much negative SMS to make me feel lousy, or worried. For example, recently I heard of many classmates or ex-colleagues moving up to higher management.

Some may say this technique is naïve and rather American style therefore not necessarily effective in other cultures. Well, like many cultural inventions from the US (or Japan or ancient India…), it often works for a large number of individuals in other countries. Many American ideas don’t resonate with me, but this is one of those that does. It worked every time. Cognitive self-help psychology. “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.”

  • I’m competent and … skilled and educated … and I’m well-compensated. I don’t have to benchmark against the leadership types, which in every industry tends to occupy the top rank in terms of compensation and impact.
  • I’m competent and …balanced and versatile in my technical skills.
  • I’m competent and … resourceful at work (and outside).
  • I’m competent and … often rather relaxed under stressful work situations — strength
  • I’m competent and … good at taking up learning opportunities at work
  • I’m competent and … a valuable employee and valuable member of any team, more valuable than a lot of fellow employees.
  • I’m competent and … pretty good at resume-writing
  • I’m competent and … confident about my future and my family’s future.
  • I’m competent and … well-planned for the long term. Some but very few people plan more long-term than me.
  • I’m competent and … fairly careful with many things
  • I’m competent and … a problem-solver.
  • I’m competent and … healthy … enough to donate blood regularly.
  • I’m competent and … a good father and son.

introspective self-coaching #CignaEAP

Posted on by tiger40490

k_quietime

eg: I told boy to analyze past mistakes. The analysis is not fun. It takes lots of absorbency. Only a small percentage of students can do it effectively. Most students won’t “pay” enough System2 attention to undergo this “self-help” analysis.

eg: Xmas2021 8am: studying similar incidents and really learn the lesson. I think this introspective study on past mistakes is not easy for me.

eg: (main Example):
Most of the resources the Cigna counsellor sent me by email are self-help resources, and require long-term effort on my own, including reading, reflection, rephrasing, revisiting a few probing, introspective questions, published self-questionnaires and journaling.

It’s a lot of WORK. Most people (to some extent, myself) are way too busy or untrained to dwell on those long-winded, often academic questions.  That includes my wife.

I would say reading those resources is like listening to music whereas blogging is like creating music, exploring, experimenting. Reading is like eating; whereas blogging is like differentiating various foods and and experimenting with them.

I think this counsellor really listened and he repeated his suggestion for the I-statement, including the positive I-statements. These suggestions are very direct, rather than vague.

Q from David: what do you need for self-care?
%%A: plenty of quietime and personal space. Wife needs it too. Perhaps I can free her up once a while?
%%A: blogging on many topics
%%A: I feel the hunger for meaningful conversations, with a real listener

Q from David: hypothetically, what would it be like if father-son relationship had improved sufficiently?
A: more outing trips [shopping, workout,,,]
A: more chats, like the general knowledge chats .. achieved in 2022
A: If I want more physical touch but he doesn’t like it, then I want him to explain it in more words. So I can learn and adjust my gestures.

— contrast to a medical procedure…

Ultimately the individuals (me or my son) needs a real improvement in understanding of the self [priorities, limitations, fears, biases..] and take consistent, long-time actions to gradually change his own perceptions, his explanatory style (often System1), his self-talk /SMS/, his habits, .. My reflective blogging is the best demo.

Introspective, reflective insight is invaluable and instrumental in these “self-help” scenarios. By and large, most individuals don’t have the analytical power, the motivation, the System2 mental energy required. All the advice received could be forgotten.

On 31 Dec 2021, I picked up 3 self-help books to help myself on intimacy issues. I found some relevant chapters, some useful pointers, but I can see the real challenge is the internal change. Reading something is easy, low impact, and potentially waste of time. I hope I can re-read to reinforce the message.

Similar to smoking cessation, diet, slow-speaking .. the internal change is often a life-long adaptation, or life-long struggle against repeated relapses.

Below are two exceptions that prove the rule that self-help is the only way to higher ground, because you can’t hire a counseller like a full-time maid.

— (repetitive)blogg is more valuable than self-help resources or counselling

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/w3cswrk0 is a Why-factor production on self-help industry. The seminars, counselling, self-help …  these External input can open our eyes, point out our blind spots and suggest new directions. I do agree “Seek help when needed.” but that’s the initial step. The _hard_ bit is sticking to the golden advice over the years, through ups and downs. It depends mostly (99%) on self effort.

In almost all of the areas of interest to me, self-diagnosis, self-discovery, self-talk, self-care, … is 100 times more important than external help.

  • eg: addiction cessation like smoking, alcohol
  • eg: more workout, less over-eating
  • eg: curiosity searches to be warehoused
  • eg: anger management
  • eg: tolerance/restraint in spouse communication
  • eg: spouse communication

— life coach .. I see myself as a motivated “kid”. The most reliable, dedicated (not the most supportive/efficient/insightful) life coach is myself. This life coach will never give up on the kid (me). My therapeutic blogging is the purest form of self-coaching. Highly repetitive, but that’s the fundamental nature of any coaching. My writing is not as formal as self-counseling, and I don’t prefer the generic and vague term “self-help”.

Repeated SMS is a basic part of behavior change, whether through blogging or external influence. Cognitive therapy.

I’m capable because … (sentence completion)

Posted on by tiger40490

I’m capable because I’m improving my c++ (etc) knowledge at every interview. This is the best way up IMO.

I’m capable because I have successful experience crafting a new tech resume.

I’m capable because I’m a problem solver. I don’t indulge in self-pity.

I’m capable because I have my family as a resource not a burden.

I’m capable because I have more friends here than in the US.

I’m capable because I have a local university degree.

I’m capable because I have mainstream skills.

I’m capable because I am battle tested on c# in addition to java. I passed several first-round c# interviews.

I’m capable because I have good exercise habits, extremely important to stress management.

I’m capable because I am in reasonably good health.

I’m capable because I gained traction with HK and US hiring managers.