k_tectonic  k_X_FOMO_v_livelihood

I don’t put up a blogpost for Jun.Z, WQ.L, Tanko… because HF.Sun has a family situation similar to mine.

— To HF, do I come across as completely satisfied, without pains? No
1) PIP, bonus, stigma, respect
2) FOLB, exclub peer comparison
3) boy’s “performance” and lack of effort

In terms of livelihood, All my top 3 deep, recurring pains above are “superficial” i.e. not real threats to my family livelihood, largely thanks to my interview skills. But IV is the flagship of a /fleet/ of strengths. I should also give credit to —

• the dev (not just tech) job market and my decision to stick to it. I have key talents to thrive in it such as low cultural bias
• the WallSt contract market that I discovered and held on to
• lifelong wellness habits
• bedrock of stable marraige. I made the right choice.
• bedrock of SG citizenship providing essential protections. I made the right choice.
• my lifelong earn/save/invest and Fuller wealth strengths

My descriptions above tend to lean towards external locus of control, but in reality my personal factors are more important.

I notice three broad topics (beside parenting) in our chat, all related to livelihood. Clearly, HF is not carefree in his late 30’s. Neither am I. How about stressors beyond livelihood? I feel many people in his shoes and my shoes would feel the exclub stress to keep up with the Joneses, and the FOMO. The less blue-collar, the more likely you would feel this pressure.

— Q: which specific statuses are the most enviable?
A: current wellness condition? I think HF appreciates it more than other guys. I feel this item deserve to be #1 , but seems to be ranked rather low in the subconscious of some /stereotypical/ peers a few years younger.
A2: current work-life balance?
A3: long-term career security?
A4: the 6 properties of some ex-colleague? I cautioned HF that under the facade things may not be that simple. I didn’t give specifics, as it would be pulling out a thread from a knitting.

== parenting
When I said I don’t want to telecommute, HF asked me how much time I spend with my kids. I said nowadays I try to make the hours productive towards my personal goals.

HF wants to spend more time with his 2 kids, and prefers telecommuting. I guess he experiences incremental ROTI on parenting. I feel a fundamental reason for our differences is boy’s reaction. I feel like driving with the brakes on, sometimes spinning the wheel. Lack of intrinsic or extrinsic motivation. Without realizing this difference, it’s EASY to fall into the trap — feeling inferior, guilty, a failure, self-hate…
== wellness
Many Singaporean professionals sleep late and get up early, according to HF.
— work-life balance: HF felt current work-life balance is not very sustainable due to a micro-managing boss. HF said in OC he used to have more autonomy as a team lead.

He said it partly in response to my generalized view that the more leadership portfolios you assume, the more stress, and work-life balance tend to deteriorate. His response is basically a counter example. However, is there always higher stress due to higher responsibility? HF’s response echos many manager friends because they all feel confident bout the leadership responsibility. Josh said something about “bigger picture”.

Can he change to a lighter job? I think his chosen domain has poor market depth, or he is not comfortable/confident to beome a job-hopper.

Q: What’s important to someone like Honglin. His kids are working. He has plenty of assets and investments. In his late 50’s he looks like semi-retired.
A: wellness is presumably the most important tangible thing to someone in his shoes. However, I guess he is not that old like waiting to pass on, so he must have his aspirations, and seeking meaning. These are higher aspirations, based on, not competing with, wellness maintenance as a foundation.
— self-discipline:  in diet, workout and (I also mentioned) … self-awareness to “reduce work hours”
— longevity and locus-of-control — HF felt final age of 80 is a realistic target for himself. In contrast, I set an explicit goal of 95, and I FEEL confident about my chance, even though my chance depends on many external factors beyond my control. This “faith” has the power to change my daily behavior at least for a few years [1]. The change in behavior does produce results i.e. lead to change in my wellness.

I would say that “faith” is belief without convincing evidence.

[1] It’s normal to lose the momentum after a while. After the loss, you can rebuild. The power, motivation… to improve lifestyle is a daily battle and a marathon.

== career planning
main street salary: 5-6k, as confirmed by HF

HF asked how my current package compared to OC. I mentioned medical, extra leaves, flexible hours. Lastly I singled out commute as the most satisfying part of the package, suggesting that I might accept a lower salary to work in downtown rather than ChangiBizPark.
— brank peer comparison: HF is no longer a team lead, but earns more.
I am not good at climbing up, so I seek non-mainstream career paths suitable for me. I no longer agree with  German’s narrowing-path assessment.

One of HF’s managers is about my age but not so healthy, partly because of anger and stress. I said I may show the same face when scolding my son.

I said big managers often have heavy job responsibilities, which often means stress. Some can handle it, but it still requires mental effort and stress. In contrast, as a contractor I was carefree.
— churn in the dev job market. I feel this is a common view from the outside. I don’t know if HF is an insider, but I guess he probably doesn’t have my wealth of first-hand tech interview experience. I said more than 200 interviews.

Once again, the interview experiences are crucial in way-finding. I may need to go out and interview again.
— flexibility to move back to tech (current HF is Business-PM). I think he said there would be difficulties.

== per finance: I tried to postpone this discussion to the next meet-up. I was conscious (and fairly successful) to avoid deep dive on personal finance, which has the potential to hijack (i.e. take over) the precious meet-up opportunity. If I were to reveal my specific investments, most likely I would feel the urge to clarify, and reveal more. It’s best to avoid the topic. If not possible, then it’s better to be non-specific. I was positively vague about “no need to work”. But did I come across a bit cocky/condescending esp. on the ffree including 7% return, properties,,, but I did point out “very risky investments”? I think I didn’t arouse any negative reaction to my assessment of dev-till-70, healthy longevity. As to the “parenting” and brank parts, I was humble.
— Replace salary income with dividend income: HF’s friend had this goal and HF felt it was achievable. I used 4% dYield and $5k/M family burn rate to derive $1.5M stock position. I said such a big position is impossible for most of us, assuming we need a home etc. I said I achieved my bare-bones ffree due to lower burn rate and higher yield. I chose not to elaborate.
— portfolio risk and gold: I described my portfolio as high risk. I meant credit risk, political risk. I hope some gold would provide a much-needed stability.
I didn’t say that more important than gold, I rely on my 1)wellness 2)career longevity 3)SG gov providing healthcare, CPF-live, inflation-proof
— inflation post-pandemic — HF raised this point. I feel my family burn rate would not increase like 30% due to consumable inflation. I guess the biggest components of my family CPI basket would be 1)nutrition and 2)utilities+transport