Nigel.C: Really_Important_Thing

k_def_of_success

See also

Background .. In an informal 2016 chat, my young Macq colleague Nigel Chan commented that once he identified TRIT [the really important thing] for a given goal, then he would focus on it and work on it. (It’s related to k_career_leverage in the gz blog, but this bpost goes beyond career.)

I was unconvinced about its utility/applicability, and immediately gave an extreme example — “If TRIT to personal success is body flexibility, then I’m doomed, since I am physically inferior. My flexibility is something of a handicap and demands a superhuman effort. Better accept personal limitations like these. Perhaps look for a different goal.” Nigel was amused but unfazed. He simply said in that case he would just work on flexibility…. no choice. His unspoken assumption — effort (almost) always bears fruit.

As a quant, Nigel presumably applied Principal Component Analysis.

Q: which def@success?
A: Nigel’s original context was successC, in a competitive field.
A: successZ is front-n-center, but to me, successE is equally important. It is behind the scenes and a counterweight to successZ. The serenity prayer hints at successZ/E and includes “wisdom to know the difference”.

eg: LKY wanted Singaporean Chinese mothers to have more babies. It was TRIT to arrest Chinese population decline in Singapore. It was too difficult, so he shifted to alternatives like immigration.

— eg: what if TRIT is English proficiency, like in job hunting? Many of my China tech friends had this handicap.

It is too hard for them when they are above certian age. Some are better off focusing on alternative goals.

In this case, I disagree with Nigel’s statement.

— eg: what if TRIT is relationship/comm with boss, like in the “goal” of job longevity? In this case, I chose alternative goals like total income, personal wealth, livelihood, carefree ezlife,,

It was hard to change my comm style. Since my 30s I did mellow up gradually.

In this case, I agree 49% with Nigel’s statement.

— eg: what if TRIT is personal charisma and attractiveness to girls, like in the dating game during my 20s? Getting a beautiful woman was my biggest dream and desire during those years. I had to accept the reality and stay single. It was too hard to work on TRIT.

However, some beautiful women did find me attractive.

In this case, I agree 49% with Nigel’s statement.

 

waste@$/water/power ] the family

I always feel guilty about wasting water, energy or (more frequently) hard-earned money.

I still waste some, every now and then, but I don’t give up and accept my wasteful acts. 95% of the people around me (mostly Chinse) don’t seem to care as much as I do. I often feel most folks simply don’t care about “small” wastes. My family members seem to do the same. That’s the reality I need to accept.

I still want to improve my own habits + my family members’ habits in this regard, but I always overestimate my ability to change them. I’m stubborn in my refusal to accept that “reality”. See passive_acceptence.

My attitude is possibly at the root of endless communication failures. The cost is rather high in terms of harmony, family bond, and happy marriage.

2 stepUp,1 stepsDown !! self-hate #nightly battle

k_Promethean_struggle

Bindi (Cigna counsellor) introduced this observation of all dieters. We take 2 steps forward (down) and one step back (up), like a dance. It happens to all dieters, and is normal part of life. Therefore, similar to yoga my goal is maintenance:

  • without effort, we will be 2 steps back, and no step forward
  • with effort, we would aim at 1 step forward, 1 step back.

jolt: I could hope to avoid this dance if no 10x hazard rate from unexpected enticing foods in home stash (or office free foods).

I gave her the example of brownie or cheesecake. I said I stay away from them for as long as I could. I feel strong in doing that. I still eat brownie, but very rarely. If too much freely available, I could open the floodgates and lose control.

I also told her every evening when going home I prepare for battle.

  • Are they part of a Daily Battle? Yes.
  • Are they deprivation? No. It’s self-control.
  • Are they a struggle? Yes, though we want to be comfortable with each Decision[Sys2 effort req’d]
  • Are they self-hate? No.
  • Are they life-enhancing and self-growth? They can be.
  • Are they a Promethean torture? No. More like a dance. Not really fun, but neither a torture.

We can’t control our environment as completely as I could in NY. [Even in the U.S. I did lose control when there was free food offered.], so we win some battles and lose some battles, like a dance. My batting average is not as good as in NY, where I had better control over the environment.

I told Bindi that when I decide to give in, I try to hold both of these reminders in my head:

  1. I take responsibility and decide when I lose control, for example at supper time. I used to blame my wife and mom for cooking too much. Bindi said there is some element of truth. Bindi said they could help by cooking less and removing the /leftovers/, although they are cooking for the family.
  2. I accept the consequence that the recent weight improvement would likely get wiped out. 2 steps forward, 1 step back. I also fight the bao3shan1 battle. The 10x hazard rate (from the unexpected enticing foods) lead to frequent loss of control. This level of failure is strongly correlated with the level of (overwhelming) availability.

Bindi echoed the earlier counsellor’s comment on self-compassion, whenever we lose the struggle, before or after the bao3shan1 battle.

I told Bindi that I would choose the latter of:

  • Choice 1: eat like others, and witness my healthy BMI deteriorate like my cohorts around me including CSDoctor, R.Xia
  • Choice 2: struggle with the Promethean daily battle , suffer setbacks, engage in the dance, and keep my BMI in green zone

##dissatisfaction blackholes ]utopia

The fading of dissatisfaction … deserves more spotlight and should go into many of my lists in this blog.


k_X_focusing_illusion  k_tectonic

See also

Analogy: once a while, a university (or a government) would feel the pressue/urge to review international rankings, and identify any weakness [improvement areas].

Analogy: once a year, my employer would run an employee satisfaction survey to identify any weakness [gaps]. It is a consistent fixation/focus on the improvement areas.

In my carefree ezlife, my System2 often drifts towards the handful of familiar , often recurring, “dissatisfaction  magnetic_fields / blackholes“. Like in the analogies, this attention can be life-enhancing[3]. However, it can become /obsessive/, with a darker side. Consider the Focusing_Illusion.

[3] Jolt: if I continue to neglect workout, BMI,,, for too long, __zsms__ would likely grow
even though I put in more hours into my projects
even though I spend more time with kids

Here are the blackholes/magnetic_fields

  • Edyw issues
  • [h] BlueCoat derailers
  • [h] screen time
  • [h] FOLB for kids .. a successC domain. Serious dark side — acceptance of our kids as they are
  • .. not enough math facetime with kids
  • wellness decline .. workout frequency or physical capabilities [BMI is #1] .. a successZ and successE domain
  • BGC title transfer .. 
  • —— inactive (possibly dormant) blackholes/magnetic_fields
  • [h] burn, coblood waste .. eg: too much blogg. In my carefree ezlife, this item is currently the most magnetic and potentially most obsessive
    jolt: I now value more sleep and more quiet IDLE time, with coblood waste + no burn
    visibleGrowth plateau .. is a related dissatisfaction but too vague to be included in this list.
  • .. too much t-allocation to pff/… not enough to tech or wellness
  • .. insufficient effort/successZ on stretch or chin-up
  • [h] underfucked
  • MOETF slow incremental growth .. as discussed with Aaron
  • unsatisfactory ROI .. in some investments
  • Jill’s investments .. Luckily the amount is a small risk capital.
  • minor inefficiencies .. including wastes, wasted opportunities to economize such as penalties, mrt_overcharge, cCard fees, lost “opportunities to save” at GEL, ikea returns, yoga studio discounts..
  • creep (small), splurge (big tickets) such as renovation
  • SWE insecurity .. aging, competition, churn,,, my primary lang@FT_job suffer churn or low demand
  • .. c++ critical mass maintenance .. insufficient refresh
  • .. coding drill
  • messy store room
  • not enough time with grandparents
  • meimei dental, myopia
  • [h] brank, OC-effectiveness, … are no longer so “magnetic”
  • many minor items in QuadrantNN
  • unsatisfied with wife… see section below

— In my younger years, I was “occasionally” dissatisfied with my wife (to a lesser extent, my son) in terms of attractiveness and “excellence”. See y I never complain ab%%wife’s learning/earning capacity.

This is a direct consequence of (more than ) a decade of selecting, courting, (also /distancing/ from) dozens of attractive young women, and idolizing (often Caucasian) cover girls and celebrities. Nowadays I’m satisfied with my woman, my gift from God.

I think my wife also experienced a fading dissatisfaction with me. To some (unknown) extent, the dissatisfaction was mutual and the fading happened in both directions.

This fading/waning/dissolution of dissatisfaction is a blessing, one of the most valuable, cherishable blessings. It’s a sign of mellow-up. In 2022 I enjoy our intimacy even more than our first year partly because I don’t compare my wife to other women.

The fading of dissatisfaction over my career is another important mellow-up experience.

— Focusing_Illusion can make the ulcer feel worse
quadrants .. these items are quasi-permanent fixtures in quadrant II, even ICU
— tectonic plates visualization .. these “magnetic_fields” can be visualized as parts of the 4 tectonic plates [pff ; wellness;  工作; family]
Surprisingly, there is currently zero active magnetic_field related to pff.
— [h=mellow-up, harmony, balance] .. for most if not all of these items, due to the darker side, I badly need to mellow up and achieve a basic harmony, and avoid the /obsessive/ attention.

In other words, the attention need to be controlled and kept in balance.

Also, harmony is not passive acceptance.
— sunshine .. I often feel one of these items is /deprived/ of sunshine, leading to a fake sense of /crisis/. Serenity and harmony needed.
— plowback .. related to insecurity and sense of impermanence. I often feel an urge to plowback and save my current carefree ezlife in a battery, but the battery and the plowback is usually /imperfect/
— 4 def of success .. is a good framework

##declining capabilities #aging++#chin-up

  • eg: recreational reading .. my dad is an avid reader, but due to his declining health, he had to stop recreational reading since 2021.
  • .. Harmony? I choose zqbx more than serenity
  • eg: chin-up/Sudhir .. when we reach a certain age, we won’t be able to do any chin-up, as Sudhir of MorganStanley told me.
  • .. Harmony? I choose zqbx more than serenity
  • eg: running .. for decades I was a good middle-distance runner and always wanted to run faster, but in my late 40s I realized that many younger runners are too fast for me.
  • eg: forgetful .. when we are too old we can forget to turn off the lights (my dad) or turn off the stove (my mom). My mom also tends to lose things outside the home.
  • eg: driving .. requires quick response. Some older drivers can lose the quick response. See https://tanbinvest.dreamhosters.com/14312/car-dependency-in-old-age/
  • eg: ED.. when we reach a certain age, we will have more ED. Sometimes, the more you want the intimacy, the more frustrated.

— opening eg: BMI.. (unrelated to aging!) BMI harder to control in Singapore.
Harmony? I choose zqbx

— big eg: forced retirement.. too old2work explains my father’s observation that one can get too old, too frail to carry out the duty of a job. Focus of attention to read or write can be demanding of Sys2 energy. In such a scenario, I would choose serenity more than zqbx.

##wake up1day..left behind the pack #serenity#NUS

k_soul_search .. k_mellow .. k_sinkingXp

See also semi-high-fliers, has more to say about about fake high-fliers.

See also ##[20]won%%battles against FOMO #mellow. This blogpost is not about battles, NOT another ranking. This blogpost is about the fear of waking up to a desperate catch-up. Up to my mid 40’s, I always had an /unchecked/ FOLB about this scenario —

Like the hare in the race with tortoise (+  other contestants), I wake up one day to find some previous peer has got ahead, in one of those “envy domains” [1], and I immediately sink into despair. In the ensuing months and years, I keep sinking, and endure the self-hate for not playing a better game, of wasting my (or kids’) potential.

Real personal examples (below) sometimes serve as better definitions.

This FOLB has been a self-judge sitting behind-the-scene (垂帘听政) throughout my adult life (introspective). This fear drives me into real actions …

Yu.Wang? YY.Tao?

— left-behind is real and inevitable:

Saranyu Lavanyakul, the MS-Carbon ExecutiveDirector, told me he got ahead “mainly by Drive”. In the places of my career, people can indeed get ahead if they keep a steadfast focus on brank + some subset of the envy domains below. ( In contrast, I have chosen to focus on other domains like cashflow, IV body-building…)

Web2.0 salary figures #realistic described RMB 1200k/Y salary in “BAT”. For a 20-something China SWE, hearing those salary figures among one’s cohort is a wake-up call.

So after N years, indeed the gap may (no guarantee) emerge i.e. 拉开距离, as described in BGC: pull`ahead@the pack: personal(!!organizational)effectiveness. We need to live in peace with the gap … Serenity

[1] Some envy domains (mostly successC domains):

  • start-up stardom. Remember [[Brad’s Status]]?
  • brank, OC style of effectiveness
    • eg: Siddesh, LSagain, GS ex-colleagues, CSDoctor, Benny, HY.Cai
  • c++ (and web2.0) interviews
  • top schools for kids
  • trophy university — achieved with UChicago. See NUS section below.
  • lucrative investments, esp. properties
    • Eg: One of many such peers reveal that he has acquired some properties in Shanghai and made a killing
    • Eg: the Wuhan couple HuJun and ShiSha are probably rather rich to own multiple properties in Singapore.
  • green card or Canadian citizenship? But now I appreciate my SG citizenship more than those.
  • high double-income? But now I appreciate my beautiful, hardworking and thrift wife, with her fine judgement and stable career.
  • big house (high maintenance), big car? Now I believe these pseudo assets are liabilities in disguise, and unnecessary in my life. I prefer a minimalist lifestyle

Now I tell myself to be more rational, more mellow, more selective in hearing the news about other people. At my age, what I do care :

  • Freedom and resources to support reflective blogging
  • A realistic amount of additional free time + freedom from stress
    • commute
    • other buffers, slack resources
  • unblocked communication channel with ah-boy
  • healthy kid, beautiful wife, stable marriage
  • Wellness including vitality, sleep, sexual health, strong teeth, aging eyesight+hearing under control,,
  • burn buffer ratio i.e. income relative to burn rate, Fuller Wealth, retirement destination
  • affordable healthcare including nursing care

— NUS and my self-esteem over the years

In 2007 when I received my Education evaluation report on my NUS degree, I sighed a sigh of relief that NUS “is a known entity to the U.S.”. Now in 2022, NUS has improved its standing in the minds of U.S. employers.

Q: Am I still “behind” my mainland Chinese cohort? It depends on the context:
A: Inside China, NUS is probably lesser-known than the top 20 China universities, or most Ivy League + MIT + Stanford
A: In the U.S. , Greater China, or other countries, NUS is possibly better known than most universities in China

The progress of NUS is a sweet revenge, satisfying, victorious, rewarding (for my huge 1991~98 effort)

NTU is still lesser-known than NUS, due to shorter history.  History of a college really matters to public name recognition.

While in NUS, my self-esteem also underwent a roller coaster ride. I felt envious of the medical students, and superior to fellow students in other faculties. For a while I felt envious of the PhD students in my faculty.

Looking back at those years I spent in and after NUS, my self-esteem was vulnerable — naked, unprotected, unshielded from the rampant peer comparison typical of the age band [early 20s]. My self-image was battered, beaten-up regularly, like after every exam, or whenever I’m given a rude awakening due to some random peer comparison with other students across the faculties.

impac on my self-esteem: brand>FirstClassHonors> EE-DL>book prize

home wiring: tangle,

k_X_focusing_illusion  k_soul_search

Reality — too many “priorities”:

  • minimize (“eliminate” is too tough) having power points behind furniture
  • reduce tangles on the ground
  • avoid relying on wifi
  • reduce concentration of too many wires in one location
  • prefer to run long wires along ceiling, not on the floor
  • position router for maximum coverage
  • minimize $cost
  • favor fixed power points instead of power extensions … I feel we better accept it over short distances

— common solutions:

A top-2 (perhaps #1) flexible_solution is adding (removing when necessary) fixed power points by running wires along the ceiling. Ugly, but I never bothered.

A much cheaper flexible_solution uses long extension bars. I can often tie it to a furniture. I think wife doesn’t mind unless it is in living room.

— #1 hotspot is the spot around modem/router/TV

In #1173 I split them into two hotspots, linked by the RJ45 cable

  • TV; soundbar; set-top box; radio (no longer needed)
  • modem; router; powerlineNW; cordless

#2 hotspot is cockpit 1 [A95; printer; lamp; charger; desk phone]

#3 hotspot is cockpit 2 [HP71; printer; lamp, fan, wall lamp]

— accept imperfections
Given the conflicting priorities, we must compromise and accept major imperfections. Those imperfections may feel like sand in the eye, or food stuck between teeth, but over time, we can and will get used to them… serenity, not passiveAcceptance. To be celebrated, not ashamed of.

Even if we achieve some near-optimal set-up for a while, some derailers or black holes might emerge.

— focusing effect .. The more we try to optimize, the more we feel wire organization is so extremely important. If we live with the “mess” for a while, we realize it’s not so important.

— Aha: case study: server rooms treat wiring as a real priority.
There are standard practices. Huge space is allocated in the ceiling and beneath the floor. The rectangular machines take up perhaps 10% of the rack space and wiring takes up 5 times more rackspace.

To a lesser extent, modern office design also runs wires beneath the floor, and above the ceiling (for lighting, wifi etc)

bubble at risk@derail`] storm+blackhole

 


k_bedBug_wisdom  k_tectonic

In this blog, I’m trying to combine several visual metaphors. The success (or lack thereof) of the “combining” fundamentally determines the longevity of this blogpost. The more visual, the more memorable, the longer I will use this blogpost, relative to the many similar blogposts.

This blogpost is more /near-horizon/ than the “ffree” blogposts, because carefree is temporary, and always relative to other people’s lives as we see them.

Now the metaphors — With my carefree /utopian/ bliss, I feel like operating inside a gigantic bubble ball [complete bliss]  rolling on parallel rail_tracks [smooth sailing]. These big and small rails are a physical reminder of the passage of time. An “ezlife” phase is often the calm_between_the_storms [storms being more massive, more disrruptive]… Along the tracks, there are several recurring dissatisfaction magnetic_fields [blackholes .. recurring forces of gravity]… My bubble experiences reduced/improved friction only when rolling ON the rails so derailing (often due to blackholes or storms) would test the robust defenses of my bubble on various areas of resilience and areas_of_vulnerability, i.e. the trouble_spots

There are also firewalls between the rails, around the blackholes, or firewalls for storm protection. Firewalls serve to contain or isolate a hazard.

As we grow older (the defining backdrop of this blogpost), we hit minor storms many times a year, and get partially derailed on some tracks, esp. in terms of wellness… So your gigantic bubble is damaged at the affected trouble_spot.

On other tracks such as pff, your bubble has deep defenses, so derailment is partial, and your bubble is /weathered/ but largely intact. When my bubble ball is rolling on cashflow high ground, it is protected against one type of storm, and one type of blackhole i.e. cashflow stress.

— ##rich metaphors for utopia .. We can pick one metaphor to focus on for a month. For comparison, see also the strike-out.

  • rude awakening (dream);
  • utopia;
  • losing high ground;
  • precarious pillars .. described in TJ.Lin
  • smooth sailing (storms)
  • calm between storms
  • long peace after WW2 .. coming to an end someday
  • all-green dashboard .. impermanent
  • MTBF
  • (described in the current bpost) bubble burst; derailer; blackhole; calm between storms;

Burst of bubble is a transition from complete bliss to imperfect real life.

eg of “storms” and bubble (rather than a blackhole or derailer): Despite the fierce storms, SG as a nation is an exceptional bubble, with vulnerabilities in terms of geopolitical tension, racial, climate, birth-rate/aging, water resource,,,

— If I put my carefree ezlife “bubble” into the bubble_pool of my cohort, I feel my bubble stands out: (I retain this section here, inside this blogpost to increase the laser energy allocated to this visual metaphor.)

  • the most rare element .. my breakaway (from the Chinese middle class) in terms of exclub, burn rate
  • the most temporary side of my carefree bubble .. current job .. income, WorkLifeBal [workload, timelines, hours, blogg access], commute,,
  • the most $$valuable side of my ezlife bubble .. career longevity. With my passport to this WSC harbor, my bubble is partially protected against the storms, and I keep my hope for career longevity.
  • the least celebrated, least recognized [highest actualValue/recognizedValue ratio]  but important side of my blissful bubble .. the fading dissatisfaction with my woman
  • the most vulnerable side of my carefree bubble .. family harmony. family: important to xpSelf+rmSelf@@ explains why I think wellness is more fundamental.
  • the most important side of my ezlife bubble .. wellness is the core and stabilizer of my bubble.
  • the most visible side of my ezlife bubble .. barebones ffree [brbr, NNIA, career longevity,,]

==== G3 trouble_spots ..
Beware othRisk — Most of the major identifiable derailers are probably listed in other blogposts already.
[s=specific item. In this and other blogposts, I really value specific rather than “accurate” domain descriptor that are inevitably high-level]
[r=small derailers that are likely recurring. Probably a matter of “when”, not “if”]
[w=swans, either black or white]
[m=strategic missteps ]
— trouble_spot: [rs] ED .. (or toothache?).. easily derailed, so I need a firewall to contain the psychological damage.
I need serenity + zqbx (active mgmt)
(Some may classify ED as a storm or derailer event, but in this blogpost, I would rather classify it as a trouble_spot. It’s not a dissatisfaction blackhole!)
— trouble_spot: family harmony .. bonding with boy; stable marriage
[m] I often lose my cool. It threatens the bubble of /harmony/.
[s] Wife often loses her cool over screen time.
boy’s bmark (I didn’t say “academic”) performance often threatens family harmony
me over-reacting and hurting a loved one, esp. ahboy
— trouble_spot: [rs] PIP .. (including bonus stigma) a real risk and vulnerability once I leave the MLP bubble, an inner bubble within my gigantic bubble.

This derailer is #1 heaviest. I recall the GS/Macq/OC/Stirt devastating experiences. For Sachin, the increased work stress under a “bad boss” (like PIP) was the next storm and the next derailer.

As to ffree state-of-mind… Can I feel comfortable about a SGD 3k-4k family burn rate? The more comfortable, the more cool confidence in my livelihood and my barebones ffree.

With this storm/derailer/trouble_spot, I need serenity more than zqbx.

(Note investment derailers are always much smaller than PIP. )

~~ related trouble_spot: tech IV .. If no PIP, then job search obstacles (Re Deepak, CSY, JackZhang, Pinsky, Raymond) would be the next biggest derailer. I would feel trapped and unwanted. Obstacles include tech churn, age discrimination,,, Luckily, these obstacles (and storms) are mostly visible and never hidden.

In a massive storm my NNIA + severance package would be a huge cushion. See 3stressors: FOMO^PIP^ livelihood[def]

WSC IV is the main (defensive) battlefield for my career longevity. Over the decades, I have built up defenses in depth, and once I fall off the rails I could get back. I need zqbx more than serenity.
====
— Now some of the high-level (vague) items, or past, minor items, half ranked by frequency and magnitude

  1. trouble_spot: [rs] BMI .. I want deep green zone i.e. deep defense. When I get derailed, I need serenity then a lot of zqbx.
  2. trouble_spot: [rs] meimei’s dental and eyesight issues (abated/subsided), and other health issues in a family member like grandparents
  3. trouble_spot: [mrs] lost retainer , or more costly items
  4. trouble_spot: [rsw] bed bugs, or other things broken at home. Serenity required in this white swan storm. Mosquitos are much smaller as a trouble_spot.
  5. trouble_spot: [rsw] blogg siteblock, or other blogg infrastructure components outside office
  6. trouble_spot: reno headaches.
  7. trouble_spot: [sw] investment woes .. like the HY/PE (white swan). I blogged about oversized losses in ##[19]random derailers@ffree
  8. trouble_spot: [sw] losing access to office… This black swan derailer did disrupt my blissful bubble. For grandma, losing access to swimming pool was a derailer to her satisfactory life. Zqbx (adjustment) needed.
  9. trouble_spot: [s] Rbh unusable. Need more zqbx than serenity. Need to find alternatives.at
  10. trouble_spot: [s] substance abuse and other 成长 problems… See ##[19]random derailers@ffree
  11. trouble_spot: MLP compliance breach

— Many of the above items are exaggerated imaginations of Potential derailers! My current carefree phase has lasted more than 3 years since late 2018…. Question: excluding the minor derailers, what are the actual derailers /recorded/, based on recorded events, not forecasts, not imagination, not sentiments?

  • brief derailer: MLP compliance swan events
  • brief derailer: RTO and other lockdown pains. Too many…. Recorded in other blogposts.
  • boy’s math weakness
  • Erection, BMI
  • In terms of sentiments I did worry about PIP for a few days, without any trigger whatsoever!

— countless everyday caution (habits)..  Babies learn to protect their heads and toes while crawling. Likewise, as my bubble rolls on, I need countless caution/prudent habits to keep it from derailing/breaking. These habits take years of learning/adjustment, become second nature, but sometimes can feel like constant background_stressors in my ezlife. The stressors remind me of the realities outside (and inside) my bubble.

Slow-down is a key safety factor on many (not all) “tracks”.

  • keep the house organized.. Slow down helps.
  • maintain dental hygiene and eyesight .. Slow down? Yes allocate enough time
  • bicycle safety; safe driving
  • avoid losing things when on the go

I need a more memorable descriptor (more visual or sharper English phase). “Everyday caution (habits)”

— Q: For each item, am I really learning to cope with this particular derailer, weather this particular storm, and strengthen my bubble?
Harmony of Serenity vs zqbx .. is part of defense in depth, and fundamental to my carefree ezlife.

NB in these storms or derailer times, zqbx often means active management, seeking alternatives (if possible), celebrating each improvement … while accepting and living with a tough situation… like living with covid.

Jeju Island Rail Bike (1) - Living + Nomads – Travel tips, Guides, News & Information!

## misc sinkingXp #CAD

k_sinkingXp

If one of the experienceS below should get more sunshine (more reflection more analysis), then it can move to the original blogpost,

  • [w=things will get much worse. I must brace myself for the massive impact, including legwork and effort]
  • [i=prior “investments” mostly wiped out. You may have to relegate to a lower league.]
  • [h=hard lesson learned. I grew wiser.]
  • [p=real possibility of permanent damage]
  • — less about sinking:
  • [r = Mostly my own responsibility.. often self-hate. No one to blame. K.Hu tends to have a different explanation. H.Yi too.]
  • [t = If you hadn’t tried you wouldn’t have to experience this sinking feeling. DeepakCM’s interviews? ]

— [p] 2024 gastritis diagnosis .. I am not one of those “healthy adults” who can safely skip breakfast for decades.
— [pw] 2024 CAD diagnosis .. I am grieving the loss of freedoms
— [p] 2009 wife was rejected for citizenship ..  Big hope dashed. We were coming to terms with the prospect of “never“.
— [ipr]  NUS Y3 receiving a second “D” .. a sinking experience “Never a chance for a first-class honors.” I had to redefine my self-evaluation, self-image as a top scholar.
— [irt] In 2016 when I realized most of my UChicago fellow graduates [K.H] tried but were unable to break into quant jobs, it contrasted my earlier knowledge of several non-PhD quants on Wall St. I realized my chance is very very low.
— [iw] 1989 Shiyan 保送高中 ..  probably the heaviest blow at the time. Big hope dashed.
[p] I was forced to come to terms with the risk of losing my seat in my senior middle school. Real risk at that juncture.
— [p] 1991 when I realized I would be delayed for 2Y compared to Shiyan classmates.
In hindsight, such delay is common. See delayed→earned higher-value degree: TsingHua^NUS #MSFM and ## 1Y-delay(!!repeat) in SG public school #w1r4
— [t] 1990 failing to qualify for Beijing-level physics Olympiad
— [r] in my 40’s, when I noticed a few ex-peers moving up to MD or web2.0 riches. A common, shared experience of sinking feeling but I got more used to it over the years. HY.Cai, YY.Tao, K.A #sinking is one example. See also ##wake up1day..left behind the pack
— [ihrw] visa for Chinese passports .. UK transit visa + US visa for waipo. Classic sinking experiences.
— when K.H gave up trader or desk quant ambitions, after years of interviewing.
I had mild sinking experiences in the process of giving up quant and HFT ambitions.
— [p] grandpa receiving cancer diagnosis
— [w] autism for XR and Miles
— [hr when I woke up in the HKIA airside hotel and saw “30 minutes to take-off”.
— [hr] NUS jam 1994. The moment I realized I lost my pouch was a (minor) sinking experience. I had to deal with all the lost cards.
— [hir] perf reviews were among the heaviest blows. GS, Macq, OC,,, See [r]

  • Why the Stirt layoff was less sinking?  Reason: I was mentally prepared. Reason: I had earlier receive Meet/Meet rating.
  • Why OC doughnut was sinking even though job was safe?  I was expecting some approval/appreciation.
  • GS “partial meet” was less sinking? Because I know who to blame.
  • .. However, the conversation with the Korean lady manager was a sinking experience, due to the official, firm-sanctioned verdict.
  • Macq “Termination” chat IS the worst experience in hindsight, but was, at that time, not so sinking. On the spot, I turned down any internal transfer opportunity.

solo person #Schopenhauer #retire

 


k_X_power_descriptor  k_soul_search

I’m a solo person, not a social person. Schopenhauer : “The capacity to be alone is one of the most distinctive marks of a high intellectual being.”

— dependency on other people .. Many Buddhists advocate detachment, self-reliance and the impermanence of close relationships. Stay Connected in bad times like covid19? Sure but watch out for overreliance.

Many depend on other people[service providers,,] to keep them /entertained/ and engaged. Though total independency is impractical, it is reasonable to depend on print media or offline electronic content, or depend on musical instrument, painting equipment… Without any justification, I feel offline movie (VCD) is reasonable dependency, but cinema would be over-dependency.

A job would provide better connectedness, though it is still a dependency on other people.

— too much free time .. I seldom have “too much” free time but when I do have that luxury, I tend to spend the precious free time in /solitude/ (rather than with my little bundles of joy) on

  • #1 reflective blogging including diary + recoll
  • personal investment
  • solo exercise
  • reading

— reflective blogging 4 solitary personality
Jolt on sightseeing .. I used to envy those ex-classmates, ex-colleagues who travel widely for sightseeing. Now I think they resemble my boredom-stricken kids — they are to various extent dependent on the new experiences to keep them (stimulated and) feeling alive. More than half the intellectuals I admire are not so dependent on sightseeing. My father is the best-understood example. He enjoys sightseeing but is completely fine with the (pandemic) travel restrictions.

Writing/blogging, painting, sculpture, music-making, reading, some singing (in my experience) .. is solitary. My long emails are semi-solitary. Social media apps are not. They require another person to respond in real time. I’m a solo person, not a social person. I seldom have “too much” free time but when I do, I tend to spend the precious free time by myself (rather than with kids) on

  • #1 reflective blogging including diary + recoll
  • personal investment
  • solo exercise
  • reading

— sunset years[晚年].. solitude (rather than loneliness) is a positive thing. Physical self-reliance is probably the foundation of solitude. [[Nomadland]] is an introspective journey about solitude in old age.

Depending on their health, many old women have varying degrees of active social lives including grandchildren duties. In contrast, many old men (+a few women) sit in bus interchanges to avoid loneliness. My father might be a victim of “loss of social interaction”. Some 10-20% of old folks have no meaningful interaction with their children or grandchildren.

What’s my profile? I am very chatty and tend to spend lots of time chatting/emailing with friends. As I prepare for my sunset years, it’s plausible to reduce that dependency.

Harmony: Instead of “avoid”, I want to prepare [well in advance, as a role model] and live with solitude, serenity and zqbx:

  • sugg: seek activities with periodic seminars and meet-ups
  • .. recreational stock trading, within some *community*
  • .. recreational AMB
  • .. buy supplements and join the sponsored clubs
  • .. buy insurance from different companies. Agents tend to follow up periodically.
  • .. church group
  • .. workout groups
  • sugg: live close to grown-up children, and bring a big nest egg
  • sugg: roaming retirement
  • sugg: prefer warm locations .. easier to go out and meet people
  • .. sugg: prefer walkable locations
  • sugg: teach
  • sugg: volunteer
  • sugg: dev-till-70 and beyond

A.Brook’s 2019 article also pointed out the final years of Bach vs someone. It seem to paint a bleak picture of sunset years in solitude.