Category: t_harmony

harmony and (subtly different) serenity

##[21]visibleGrowth plateau: #江河日下 #w1r5

Posted on by tiger40490

 

k_def_of_success

See also

This blogpost is about a shared[5] but often vague sentiment of 江河日下 [plateauing]. (This blogpost is therefore non-distinctive, hard to remember , despite the graphical phrases ..)
This blogpost is a serious (perhaps too serious) effort to identify a specific type of personal goals [追求] underneath that sentiment. These goals are primarily defined in terms of CC) successC i.e. measurable–n-steady progress including “batteries” of accumulation. If such a definition is inappropriate [1] then my personal goals are defined in terms of ZZ) successZ i.e. zqbx 自强不息. This blogpost should be mostly about successC.

[5] Remember the timetable in [[Midlife crisis]]?

One clarification about the definition … The antithesis of progress/accumulation/自强不息 is stagnation/decline ,  surrender, passive_acceptance, fat-n-happy… Despite my best effort, this definition is still abstract and unintuitive. The big list below helps clarify it but is not extremely effective. So we need both the definition and the list.
——- end of the lengthy definition ——–
Background: During my HibernateInSingapore phase, frequently I feel /lousy/[4] and would occasionally lament[2] that my personal growth, as defined above, has slowed down, plateaued, past the peak, 江河日下 or 下坡路.  Don’t get me wrong — I’m still pushing myself hard on absorbency, on personal improvement, on plowback,,, as I still hate wasting my precious time and energy in “cruise mode”.

As we age, hopefully some earlier domains of (personal) growth would be replaced by new domains of growth. “One door closes, another one opens.” Crucially, the progress we make are often impermanent … Imperfect batteries of accumulation.

[2] the lament is a paradox because at the same time, my family livelihood is actually improving towards a carefree ezlife. Mellowing up, letting go, loosening up, /unwinding/.. The paradox reflects the conflict between successE and successC.
[1] The two parts are actually interdependent. In more and more domains like BMI, stretch, Dram-refresh,,, I can’t make real, lasting progress. Quite often, the defining features of “burn” [materialistic gain + self-discipline ] are fundamental to both successC and successZ.

Also fundamental: my absorbency (and time) continues to be a scarce resource. 鱼与熊掌. As I shift my focus to wellness, I choose to let go and defocus on successC [localSys, coding drill, Dram-refresh ..].

One of the best analogies — A start-up, an emerging economy, a young athlete/artist/writer .. also experience the same slow-down, plateau, or apparent decline (as in Japan) after years of fast growth. Hopefully some lessons can be shared. Re A.Brooks article.

— the list of personal goals (as defined above) giving rise to the lament
[m=measurable … not always a “progress”]
[b=battery or progress]
[a=absorbency]

  • [ abm] BMI .. the best type of tough goal — measurable, easy to monitor, strategic leverage. BMI is my #1 goal. I am able to keep my weight below 65, but trying hard to bring BMI to deep green zone.
  • [E am] chin-up .. kinda measurable but progress is easily lost.
  • [D a] stretching .. I target 1 minute/day. Real effort to maintain a few minutes a day. Not measurable .. I once had some hope of improving range of motion, but has given up completely.
  • [C am] weekly workout .. frq improving towards 4. Targets are well-chosen.
  • …. [C = decent effort or decent progress]
  • [  abm] coding drill [D] and [C] QQx .. including Dram-refresh.. now a LGlp.
  • [  am]  quant study .. not comparable to MSFM years or the earlier self-study years, but in hindsight, what’s the long-term value of MSFM? SuccessZ, successC [branding]
  • [E ab] localSys .. [including Dram-refresh] no target; some effort once a while
  • [D b] wider recreations .. to pre-empt boredom or loneliness in retirement (re grandpa). No target, but I try to /cultivate/ writing, music, stock-picking, workout variety. 

List above are the the ^^ improvement goals ^^. I tend to focus on “room4improvement”, subconsciously motivating myself. However, nowadays I like to focus more on the positive factors, so below is the 2nd list of personal goals (same definition).  I have done well on these celebrated goals:

  • [B] dental health, memory aging, mentalPower .. reasonably well-maintained
  • [C-] stress prevention/reduction/protection .. improving gradually as we mellow up (and gain introspective insight), and transition to maintenance mode.
  • [C-b] family bond .. [marriage, parenting] not bad at all, improving. Fruitful (rather than wasteful) family time
  • [C+b] DIY skill .. (crucial in U.S.) improving progressively
  • [B-b] preparation for U.S. relocation .. (financial++) improving fundamentally
  • — career, finance #the familiar domains
  • [B  b] IV competitiveness .. Not growing but staying in  shape; well-maintained.
  • [B+b] (long-term) career and (current) job security
  • [A-bm] salary .. well-maintained, much better than feared. I now care less about exclub. By livelihood target, my salary is A++++.
  • [A-bm] NAV and FullerWealth .. growing at a steady pace from strength to strength, hitting my targets
  • [A m] brbr … well-maintained.
  • [C bm] stock picking .. enjoyable, not tough burn. Targets are LGlp.
  • [B+b] brbr recon .. improving
  • [C bm] rental mgmt .. BGC improving; Cambodia excellent

The two lists have to be well-defined to be meaningful. Some other items don’t require _effort_, therefore out of scope: sexual health; heart health; work/life balance;

— [4] (A partially related topic) over short-to-medium term I have been feeling lousy, partly due to burn [absorbency] , partly due to laser, partly due to measurable progress (mostly successC)

  • [z] too many movies .. either in cinema or at home… improving
  • [cz] AMB .. limited _visible_ progress, but I don’t want to feel guilt or inferiority
  • [cz] coding drill .. Recently, I didn’t help friends’ CIV
  • [z] diet .. real achievement to maintain discipline
  • [cz] BMI .. no improvement since Apr 2020, but real achievement to reverse the decline
  • [cz] math coaching sessions + father/daughter bonding .. visible progress
  • [c] communication channel with boy .. visible progress
  • [c] new HDB .. Something important to wife. I did put in lots of serious effort.
  • [c] MOETF .. the recent incremental acquisition is a key feature of recreational stock investing

[c=successC]
[z=successZ]

— Grandpa’s corrective comments.. I told grandma that compared to my cohort, I feel too fat-n-happy 沒有追求. He corrected me .. 沒有过分的追求. He is right. I still work hard towards my goals。

I also told grandpa about my feeling 懒散, 无为之道. Again, he corrected me — I’m a responsible professional, and dedicated father.

I am basically comparing with the earlier self, but things have changed in terms of priorities, vitality (energy level), career runway ..

知足常乐/successE ^ successZ #contentment fat-n-happy

Posted on by tiger40490

k_def_of_success

See also

Exec summary of a paradox: we need to harmonize/reconcile the positive and negative aspects of zzcl[知足常乐].

  • contentment [zzcl/知足常乐] is a positive attitude, related to successE. SuccessE is always defined based on wellness + well-cushioned livelihood, so constant effort is required by definition.
  • slippery slope from contentment to negative attitudes of laziness, stagnation, complacency, comfort zone, 生于忧患死于安乐, 安于现状.. collectively referred to as failingZ [opposite of successZ].

— burn-n-rot (time mgmt) .. I used to feel guilty about comfort. Comfort used to mean rotting, failing successZ,,,

I feel rotting usually in a context without adversity.

Nowadays I adopt zzcl to combat the poisonous burn-n-rot perception.

— fat-n-happy .. a neutral term. Traditionally not positive, but used positively in my blogs.

Obviously, we want zzcl[知足常乐] without complacency.

I feel fat-n-happy (in the positive sense), but not complacent or lazy esp. in my career.

— accept 碌碌无为 kids, non-academic kids, mediocre kids .. important to my zzcl[知足常乐]

— professions and companies with moat .. are enviable, admirable, even though they are associated with comfort zone and low drive for zqbx.
* eg of no-moat: Andy Grove “Only the paranoid survive”. The fat-n-happy won’t survive. 危机意识
* eg of no-moat: Singapore government guarding its position and staying exceptional. The leaders endure zqbx[自强不息] so that citizens and (the wider) residents of Singapore can enjoy zzcl[知足常乐].
* (main eg) My focus in this bpost is individuals, not organizations. So the main example is older doctors. They are the exception to prove the “Rule” that most of professions require us to stay actively engaged in continuous learning and self-renewal… zqbx rather than fat-n-happy.

On the other hand, doctors and some other professions [including WStC] are /entitled/ to enjoy the fruit of our earlier (decades of) labor, and enjoy zzcl[知足常乐]. This zzcl is not laziness, and not failing successZ[自强不息].

— Q: what if this individual adopts a relatively laid-back attitude, like Chonglei.Qi’s ezlife attitude, without struggle (See proactive^passive acceptance/Resignation)? How is his successZ?

I think it is fine if not too lazy, and not a dead weight to other people like the homeless beggars, or Tanko’s brother (based on hearsay). Basically, successE with some successZ is a good life, a decent goal.

Wellness is a key factor. Wellness requires successZ (自强不息, self-regulation, self-motivation and can include self-improvement). If an individual takes responsibility to maintain personal wellness, then she is unlikely to become a dead weight.

Similarly, frugality is a 2nd key factor. It too requires sucessZ (self-regulation).

Therefore, self-regulation is the basis of successE. In fact, it is a basis of all four successes.

A laid-back blue-collar worker in a welfare state like CA or Denmark can have quite an enviable ezlife and enjoy better life chances (and livelihood) than even the high achievers in an impoverished community. After they pass on, each of them will be forgotten due to 碌碌无为.

Women tend to become dead weight so women need 独立 more than generations before.

碌碌无为^successE^successZ #xpSelf

Posted on by tiger40490

k_Kahneman k_def_of_success

See also

Executive summary of a paradox

  1. 碌碌无为 can imply laziness i.e. failingZ. This is a real concern to me (and many people around me), requires active intervention.
  2. 碌碌无为 most often means failingL, but this is a non-issue to me, at this stage. 99.9% of us are actually 碌碌无为. YY.T agreed with me on successL
  3. 碌碌无为 , but with successE and successZ .. is pretty good, even admirable!

Influenced by my dad, I often feel 一事无成, 碌碌无为, 胸无大志 in terms of successL[lasting achievement]. However, under scrutiny, most of the role models are also 一事无成, as measured against successL. See list below.

  • your tech innovations .. (even patented inventions) most of those in my domain suffer tech churn, in the ruthless march@technology. Similar situations:
  • .. innovative financial products, financial services
  • .. marketing innovations
  • your math discoveries.. tend to last generations and bear the mathematicians’ names. Math is the extreme case in terms of long-lasting legacy
  • your literary works .. mostly get forgotten in a sea of similar publications, after waves and waves of new publications. I think electronic publications, often in video or game formats are crowding out the traditional literary (print) publications.
  • if you build a company .. then how long can it last? Biggest lasting impact would be job creation.
  • if you build either a publisher, a broadcast platform, a social media network, or an advertising network (Goog, FB, Baidu etc) then what innovations do you create? The more digital, the worse you will feel in terms of competition, shelf-life and lasting value.
  • OC-effective guys .. are 一事无成 by default

Now I think 碌碌无为 mostly refers to successL and successC.

— xpSelf ^ rmSelf… The rmSelf’s life evaluation is usually 碌碌无为 , based on exclub (peer benchmark), but I think such an evaluation ignores the xpSelf. The xpSelf can experience a boring, uneventful decade, which is not easily achieved and requires lots of karma + non-trivial effort.

I really want to celebrate uneventful 碌碌无为 lives. Many parents want the same for their kids when they say “I just want him/her (xpSelf) to be happy” rather than “great”.

— My Shiyan + WallSt peers may point out that my evidence of personal success (re letter to wife) is a glorification of mediocrity, 胸无大志, in comparison with the semi-highflyers in terms of successC [income, brank]. I reject those yardsticks. My “personal success” was based on other yardsticks such as successE and successZ [自强不息 self-improvement]

  • How about ERE author Jacob?
  • How about Rong.Zhu?
  • How about XingHe vs WQ.Luo

How about an average general practitioner (or a board-certified lawyer/accountant/engineer) of my age? Mediocre, 胸无大志,,, but the Chinese conventional wisdom regards him as somehow more success than me .. why? Largely because of income exclub i.e. successC.

— battery .. is related to 碌碌无为 because successL requires accumulation.
— Q: is it shameful (for me or my kids) to end up 碌碌无为 but stays frugal and healthy, take care of the body given by our parents, enjoy a relatively uneventful life (at least for the 2nd half)? Is this successZ?

I guess my wife’s cousin Zheng might be one example. I guess his parents wanted it this way and had no regrets. Ditto my parents.

Such a life meets my successE criteria, iFF you can achieve it. I think this life is not easy to achieve, esp. “healty” and “uneventful”. Every life is /punctuated/ with tragedies, swans+missteps, wasted potentials, unfair treatments,,,,

long-term ROTI=rare;prejudice about fun time with boy #600@高考 #500w

Posted on by tiger40490

k_tyrant_of_rmSelf  k_mellow

What kinda individuals like to point a finger at a school and say “So many students have failed to score 600 marks on gaokao 高考”? Real long-term ROTI is as rare as a perfect exam score:

  • QQ and coding drill? yes long-term ROTI but feels so fake
  • localSys .. doesn’t seem to help me keep my QQ knowledge afresh, or help maintain my sense of long-term security
  • coding drill? Yes long-term ROTI but Only for web 2.0 shops
  • long-term roti in quant, c#, noSQL, meta-programming…?
  • long-term roti in my zbs xx — not financial return
  • yoga roti? yes I would say long-term ROTI, but it feels not lasting
  • per investment roti? mostly small scale and recreational
  • — more specific items
  • work out with kids — considered not burn and low ROTI (too much wasted time) .. Actually tough, and builds family bound. Arguably no less strategic than QQ
  • reading boy’s exam papers … doesn’t seem to help my career
  • prepare math worksheet — considered not burn, not hard enough, not strategic, not related to my career
  • strength training — considered not burn, not hard enough.
  • refresh zbs know-how — considered not burn not IV-relevant.
  • refresh GTD know-how — considered not burn not IV-relevant.
  • refresh QQ — considered not burn and not strategic
  • bring boy out shopping as reward for him — considered high tcost low ROTI but extremely important to his +/-ve feedback loop

.. So why the hell do I point my finger at family time, boy’s coaching sessions, outing with boy, fun time with boy, relaxed time with boy etc? Any relaxed moment is seen as too “easy” and not burning enough. Such a burn/rot view is poisonous. It’s double-standard because I seldom point my finger at

  1. myself blogging
  2. myself on recreational reading
  3. myself reading news, magazines
  4. my curiosity searches on google
  5. myself watching youtube
  6. myself listening to bbc
  7. my habitual comparison-shopping

I have been utterly prejudiced in my assessment of the value of family-time. I tend to hold highly negative views about my roti with kids, with yoga, MSFM, c#…. I have a habit to adopt a stringent standard (in a blatant double-standard) that invariably casts a bad light on my effort.

It’s like pointing out the imperfections in a beautiful woman.

Einstein doesn’t talk about burn/rot or ROTI. He plays the violin to entertain himself. My dad also listens to tapes for the same purpose.

Overall, I was fixated on materialistic ROTI (rmSelf) and self-discipline over the lazy self, to the detriment of self-esteem, family harmony, parental bond… What are the best ROTI efforts so far?

  • #1 long-term roti in my java QQ. Higher than c++, python, unix, SQL..
  • Top 5: long-term yoga — considered not burn and low ROTI… Actually extremely hard. Arguably more strategic than the coding drill etc,
  • Top 9: long-term roti in strength and endurance training
  • Top 20: long-term roti in my coding drill? It’s 100% interview driven, and not relevant to GTD.
  • long-term roti in renzi — even if my renzi coaching did enhance his renzi abilities and comprehension, you won’t see any improvement a few years later if he still refuses to apply his mind.

##[19]peaceful leisure@waterfront park: rude awaken`

Posted on by tiger40490

 

k_soul_search

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In 2020, I told grandpa that I often felt happy (satisfied!), peaceful (stress-lite),,, when spending time at a well-maintained waterfront park like east coast, Bayonne, Bishan park,,, Since then, this blogpost has slowly shifted focus from Happiness to Peaceful leisure. Peace meaning absence of stress. Now I think many individuals in many countries can enjoy the same /amenities/. But let’s focus on my peers in China, SG and U.S. Again, my immediate focus is the common or persistent stressors, because I’ve found myself rather sensitive to stress. Stress is the enemy of carefree, peaceful leisure at waterfront parks.

I realize that the VAST majority of the world population (and majority of my broad peer group) struggle against some common adversities, that threaten to spoil their brief peaceful leisure… rude awakening!

  • — a random list of rude awakenings, half ranked by the (unpleasant) impact on peaceful leisure. I prefer specfic details
  • [X] divorce or unsatisfactory marriage .. the severe cases. I now feel divorce has permanent legal consequences, though some divorcees do overcome those consequences almost completely (few “completely”).
  • family disharmony .. domestic aggression, in-law conflicts
  • [aLS] (chronic) health conditions, contributing to rising healthcare cost
    • infertility, eating disorder, hair loss, hearing loss (my mom), allergies, aging eyesight, sexual difficulties
  • [5] overwork, burn-out, work stress, abusive boss .. the severe cases
  • [5] lack of spare time for unwind, recuperation, recharge, and rest, perhaps due to long commute, long work hours, parenting, care-giver duty, long wait time on the phone
  • [5aLSX] housing cost, or poor housing condition including long commute.  Residents would presumably have less time but would want to spend more time get-away…
  • [5LSX] job insecurity (esp. older workers, unskilled workers), displacements. Remember the covid19 mass layoff affecting thousands of Singaporeans. Many are seriously worried.
  • mortgage rate hike as experienced in 2022 .. often increasing monthly int accural by $1k for many years. A rude awakening
  • See also [4]. This bpost was initially a 2023 snapshot of long-term recurring stressors
  • ~~~~~ the generic, the vague, not directly relevant to peaceful leisure, or items marked with [a],  ….
  • GreenCard long queue affecting Indian H1b holders .. often generates good news and bad news
  • [5SX] unhealthy lifestyle due to lazybones, overeating, busy work/parenting
  • conflict or grievances at work .. the severe cases
  • [SX] kid’s academic trouble, behavior, drugs, bullying
  • [S] short-term (effect of long-term) inflation, esp. in housing, education and medical
  • [L] major investment woes that threaten to wipe out 5Y of savings (250k).
  • bedbugs
  • [5aX] weight, body image, fitness # my son was slightly overweight
  • [5aLS] cost of basic (“luxury” for the cmcUS) education
  • [aLSX] below-average income, often due to lack of specialized skills # wife, Bayonne roommates… My kids may land there too.
  • — legend:
  • [a=these /struggles/ are long and hard, but the individual gets adapted to them so the damages don’t keep growing over time]
  • [L=livelihood stress]
  • [S=a focus of the Singapore nanny state, but NOT U.S. governments]
  • [5=affecting more than 50% of my peers]
  • [X=my own effort is at least half the reason for my carefree situation]

So yes most of us can find joy in a lovely waterfront park, but I’m more protected , more blessed than most of the people in the world.

— portrait of affluence .. The image of waterfront leisure park has been increasingly popular and prevalent, for 20Y+. This imagery is a common theme online among 1) the overseas Chinese 2) westerners [Caucasians]. These are two groups of authors having the deepest influence during my formative years.

The overseas Chinese authors often include the images as a /glimpse/ of their “good life” in the west relative to China. A related portrait would be a family road trip in a SUV, or the busy trip preparation, in a family yard.

This theme symbolizes affluence (or wealth) in time and $. That includes work-life balance, reasonable working hours,,. At a secondary level, it also suggests street safety, a sustainable ecosystem, a resourceful local government, plenty of well-maintained green space for a given human population (no overcrowding), ,,,

##(naturalSelection) Adapt2environment||nature #dhost

Posted on by tiger40490

yoga^BMI: opamp response to signals was written in the same week and offers a different perspective on some common topics.

To make this blogpost less vague, I will try to focus on the title theme. Adaptation is key to the natural selection framework and system. Successful species (are not defined-as but) tend to be those who adapt to their “environment” [i.e. forces, nature, obstacles, limitations,,,].
* Sometimes these individuals need to understand, accept and follow the environment
* Sometimes these individuals need to influence the (small) environment

eg: Engineering science provides vivid illustrations — winter driving; covid19 vaccines; anti-rust coating (my gate).
eg: Singapore, among many small nations, has to adapt to the (internal and external) environments.
eg: Malaysia Chinese have to adapt. Asian Americans have to adapt.
However, this blogpost is about common challenges in life. In this context, the concept of “enviroment we must adapt to” is vague, so here are some examples:

eg: The OC-effective mantra emphasizes the importance of the team as the real environment to work within, but I tend to perceive the self as the most important “nature” I must adapt to. The self is hard to understand, hard to control, hard to predict.

eg: kids .. are a major “force” that I’m learning to cope with. Requires lots of adaptation, trial-n-error.

eg: OPE (Other people’s envy), exclub, FOMO .. is a powerful “force” but it’s mostly learned response to a previously neutral stimulus, a form of enculturation. It’s impossible to stay insulated, so yes everyone must adapt to this force

eg: AMB? It requires adaptation + continuous learning

— Our own wellness .. is a the most important goal of adaptation. It doesn’t receive enough sunshine, presumably because most of those below 50 have not suffered “enough” ill-health. In contrast, look at Kenneth’s desparation ..

My body flexibility is an obvious physical limitation I need to accept and adapt to.

Wellness includes mental wellbeing, but I try to avoid the over-generalized term “happiness”.

eg: mosquitos .. many adaptations. One of them is wearing socks to prevent overscratch

— self-assessment of adaptation ..  Adaptation is always trial-n-error .. repeated failures. Successes are rare, and progress slow. Personal success is largely determined by how well we adapt and change our habits/perceptions. For decades, I saw myself as non-adaptive. That’s largely because my closest allies continually pointed out I was too individualistic, paying insufficient attention to conventions and customs. Now in my late 40s, I see myself as better adapted than average:

  • domain: formal education + lifelong learning .. role models for most. The obstacles include memory capacity, setbacks, competition,
  • domain: interviews + GTD on-the-job… I have gravitated towards the environments where I can easily adapt to. I avoid aggressive environments like GS or Macq.
  • domain: family relationships + a few good friends.. the obstacles are personality differences, communication preferences, and lack of time to hear each other
  • domain: wellness .. the limitations are mostly biological
  • domain: pff .. the “forces” include brainwash; limited earning capacity; property inflation (biggest obstacles to many Chinese);
  • domain: immigration journey… I was unsatisfied [“left behind on a slow track” by those in N.A./Europe] in SG, so I adapted and tried Canadian process. In 2006 I hit a plateau and adapted to try the U.S. U.S. realities forced me to change our plan and gradually returned to SG (“for good”) . Realities of q3sg forced me to adapt again, and re-enter U.S.

(I list my successful “adapting” mostly to illustrate what “things” I adapt to.)

A few “adaptation” blockbusters:
* [adapting to exams++] Chinese compo was my weakness in primary school.
* [adapting to English environment] English was my huge handicap when I came to SG.
* [adapting to IV] C++ was a tough nut to crack ever since my first encounters in college. Now am seen as a pro.
* [adapting to immigration obstacles] Was left behind. Now I have an enviable immigration status.
* [adapting to brainwash, exclulb..] I felt inferior about brank. Now I have found the WSC harbour .

[20]serenity^zqbx: passive acceptance@bad situation

Posted on by tiger40490

 

k_tectonic  k_mellow  k_def_of_success

See also

Executive summary of a paradox

  • Serenity .. a positive attribute (valuable and rare). True serenity in the face of adversity requires strength and is often (not always) supported by zqbx. As such, serenity is part of successE and successZ.
  • Passive acceptance .. a negative attribute.. often resembles serenity-without-zqbx.

In this blogpost, my (initial) focus is the widespread passive acceptance of … highly unsatisfactory, barely tolerable or dire situations. Surrender, give-up, 破罐子破摔 are some of the synonyms. These individuals accept the unacceptable (or nearly-unacceptable) and make do with what they have, without zqbx, or trying harder to improve the situation. The most visible example is the homeless beggar, and those sleeping rough in New York city.

On the other extreme, as illustrated through numerous examples in long-term ROTI=rare #600@高考 #Serenity, we should NOT beat ourselves up with unreasonable standards and self-hate. Self-acceptance is paramount. Some call it serenity. Mellow up if you can, and don’t beat yourself up if you can’t achieve it in a reasonable amount of time 🙂

So we sometimes need to strike a balance between ZZ) zqbx, not giving up even in a dire situation vs SS) serenity or self-acceptance of personal limitations. Here, fine judgement is a /rare virtue/. We pick our battles on the really important things. We also pick our battles where we fight to slow down or stop things getting worse. We need the “wisdom to know the difference” between (ZZ) and (SS).

In real life, some wise people might adopt passive acceptance (passive = without zqbx) and display serenity. We are digging into two unrelated phrases with subtle connotations and invisible overlaps. If you don’t want to avoid these two phrases, then you would need to accept and deal with the /messiness/.

In all the challenges listed below, whenever I choose ZZ, my personal-effectiveness shines through (interpersonal effectiveness seems to be less valuable). Over time, the difference between the proactive and the passive can become insurmountable. I’m far from the perfect role model, but my efforts were huge. My endurance was remarkable in the face of repeated setbacks. Thomas Edison said of his light bulb “I haven’t failed — I’ve just found 10,000 that won’t work.”

— eg: EDyw .. Non-penetrative or fortnightly/monthly felt like poor choices, like those highly unsatisfactory, barely tolerable choices. How about the current weekly frequency?

I am adopting the zqbx attitude, esp. in exercise and active calendar management.

— eg: summer sleeping mats .. many disappointments with ice crystal cushions, bamboo, straw, synthetic rattan mats, and even plastic-straw mats,,, so my expectation (of their value) was reduced over and over again, so I wasn’t keen to re-consider them. However, some (not all) the cooling mats can alleviate a common but bad situation — growing dependency on A/C. Does it make a real difference? I think it can reduce the number of days I turn on A/C, by 5%…ctbz.

— eg: wordpress.com block editor… The company made it look like new editor is so entrenched as to wipe out any hope of using the classic editor. I was passive in my acceptance of this fate. Then I became proactive.

Harmony? I chose SS after trying for a long time. Serenity would be needed iFF no choice.

— defining eg: Singapore government didn’t accept congested city centers, runaway housing cost, tap water quality, seasonal flooding, declining standard of Chinese, limited local talent pool, over-reliance on MYS water supply, (During covid19) ICU shortfall, overwhelming workload of contact tracers, hopeless prospect of containment, growing threat to nursing homes … which many governments gave up on and accepted. SG leaders took actions , often over decades, to reduce each of these problems. Serenity? Irrelevant.

— eg: math practice — many math students accept that some problems are too hard, so they give up. In contrast, XA.S’s attitude is like zqbx. Also many girls (and some boys too) in my primary and secondary schools put in more practice and improve their pattern recognition. I’m somewhat more skilled than most students, so I didn’t need so much practice, but there are some topics that required me to practice a lot.

Jolt: I also accept that some topics and some problems (like competition level) are too hard for me , but only after I put in a lot of effort.

UChicago MSFM .. at age 42 my attitude was roughly the same. I sank in 30-40 hours a week, and then accept that some homework and past exam problems are too deep too hard and my understanding remained shallow and unconnected, esp. on FixedIncome. Did I give up? Not sure. I think I basically chose a time limit. Any additional effort would have taken up too much time and produced diminishing return.

Serenity needed…

— eg: Coding drill is similar. However, virtually all the web2.0 style coding questions can be solved in 45 minutes, not as hard as the toughest quant problems.

The situation is very bad for some older programmers as they couldn’t pass any speed coding test, or pure-algo test, or weekend assignment.

Harmony? They can choose either zqbx or serenity. Serenity smells like passive acceptance. I choose SS i.e. Serenity but not giving up completely.
— screen time .. I now perceive it as tolerable. XA.S (math!) seems to accept it
Harmony? I choose SS i.e. Serenity, but not giving up completely.

==== household living
— existing A/C trunking .. I think most people would (passively) accept, due to high cost.
I think we have to accept the total cost of ownership of indoor cooling.
— staying on low floor .. For years, wife accepted the unsatisfactory living conditions including smell (smoke), dim lighting, downstairs noise, pests.
— silver-colored personal chopsticks .. I prefer uniquely-colored chopsticks for unshared usage, but the silver-color drying rack makes my chopsticks hard to find. For years, I didn’t think of improving it. Now I use a unique dark color .. elegant solution.
— on many short pants

  • side pockets too wide-open for cellphone .. for more than a year I had to keep my phone in (more secure, less reachable) pouch or backpack
  • no hook for access cards.. For years, I accepted it, and had to clip my access cards on insecure belts.

==== career
— eg: SY.C said a friend in his 50s got a SWE job offer from Citadel .. Harmony? I choose SS more than ZZ.
— eg: Sunil was unsatisfied with 1) his AVP and the 2) underwhelming prospect of dotnet. Most people in his shoes would accept it, but Sunil took actions over many years and eventually broke through.

Similar eg: my java-}c++ transition, and web2.0 CIV — 99% of us find it hard to cross the moat. Most accept the result and give up. No shame. I didn’t give up on c++. I gave up on HFT interviews. Web2.0 CIV is within reach but am not in a hurry.

Sunil’s and my situations were sub-optimal but not really an example of hardship and passive acceptance thereof.

Harmony? a balance between zqbx and serenity.
— career longevity .. After talking to Miles Yang and XA.S, I felt most of my peers don’t have my dev-till-70 in the WStC harbor
Harmony? I choose ZZ, but I think my peers’ acceptance is not passive.
— job insecurity at a particular place — In today’s economy, most adults experience job insecurity at some points in their adult life. It’s more clearly felt for techies. Most of us accept the anxiety, the fear, the tangible potential impact on our families, and accept it as the norm. “This is the world we are in”. The individuals in ## Not alone2hit job loss were less worried than I was.

I worked very hard for decades, devising and strengthening my dev-till-70 plan for WallSt. Today, I feel more prepared, more confident than that majority I described.

I also learnt my lessons from my false starts, which tend to kill our long-timer plan. I think these disappointments define me and my peers. Some (who?) are even more resilient than me.

Harmony? I choose ZZ because I can.
— long commute .. most of my peers (NYC commuters) accept long commute with serenity
Harmony? I choose SS after deciding on the commute total cost.
— bench time — Probably half the adults in the developed countries I know are pessimistic about bench time after job loss. Jack Z is one example. For techies, median bench time is probably 2M+. One-month is considered rather quick. The higher your salary, the longer you need to sit on bench. These individuals (my sis?) accept it with serenity. In contrast, I choose ZZ. I work very hard to build up my cushions including

  • embrace 70% pay cut just to go out and work
  • constant interviewing even when not job hunting

==== wellness
— intimacy ..for years I accepted (passively) the underfucked life, and frequent derailers to my intimacy. I have multiple emails, blogposts such as Xmas2021
— BMI — Rahul was very determined and in-control, but he might be somewhat overweight. Many of my colleagues are overweight. I tend to assume they have poor control over diet or exercise, but I could be very wrong. I think they accept it. Most people don’t i understand why I work so hard towards deeper-green zone. However, I did accept my weight may not go down to 61 kg again. This acceptance is sub-optimal but not unacceptable.

Some slim individuals are not really better at self-control. I guess some of them are just lucky. I have many colleagues who said they are unable to put grow “stronger”.

This “control” is central to successZ, but if our body “system” is hard to control, then I think we need serenity.

Harmony? I choose non-passive acceptance, and mellow-up. Not really serenity. In fact, I think non-acceptance and zqbx is better for some individuals in my cohort.
— supper — I accepted that I would feel hungry if 1) i’m awake at 11pm and 2) there’s food at home beside fruits and veg.
This acceptance is non-ideal but remember my breakfast skip, delayed lunch and dinner. Overall, this is not an unhealthy habit.

Crucially, instead of surrender I fight a bao3shan1 battle by controlling starch and following late-sleep diet tactics 

There is some harmony in this battle. I choose ZZ but not extreme. There’s some crucial element of SS.
— workout 3/week — Most adults have inadequate workout, partly due to lack of time. They accept it. They point at “lower” societies (earlier, primitve or less developed), and conclude that in our advanced society, lack of physical activity is normal. I take it more seriously than the majority but only since 2018.

As of early 2020, I now accept 2-4 times a week for myself. I would say 1/month is barely acceptable and 1/wk is decent.

As of Oct 2020, I now push myself towards 5 times a week. I choose ZZ because the barrier is not so high.
— G3 defining example: yoga —  Most male adults have insufficient flexibility, but they accept it and put it aside as lower priority compared to strength, body shape, or endurance. Yoga is hard for me, but I take it very seriously.
Harmony? I choose ZZ, because my goal is high but feels achievable.
— pull-up — Most guys can’t do 10. The overweight guys can’t do one. They accept it. Similar to yoga, Pull-up is always challenging for me, but I don’t give up. I live with that sense of challenge, self-imposed pressure.

If you are overweight, then self-hate is counterproductive.  But don’t give up. Assisted pull-up is the way to go. Here is a good illustration of the balance between passive acceptance and self-hate. Zqbx vs serenity. I choose ZZ, becasue I can.
— G5 best example: belly fat — As described in why I feel successful, most guys above 30 have a visible belly and most just accept it. In this case, I didn’t have an uphill battle, but if I don’t exercise control, I’m sure to grow a belly.
I choose ZZ.
— longevity goal .. most of my peers seem to target 85. It’s not an unacceptable target. But I don’t accept it. I choose ZZ.
==== pff .. my favorite and strongest domain, so I won’t talk too much about myself.
— savings for retirement — Most adults seem to worry that they have insufficient financial resources to support their desired retirement lifestyle. (I suspect many realize retirement burn rate is much lower, like $2k/retiree.) Anyway, most seem to accept it and take almost no action.

I should ask those endowment salesmen “How many percent of the respondents actually feel well-planned for retirement?”
— savings rate — Most adults (my sis included) accept a brbr below 3/2, i.e. they save less than 1/3 of income. They seem to accept “saving 50% is too hard and unnecessary for me”.
Low saving rate is not a dire situation until a pandemic. OCBC survey shows 70%Singaporeans can’t last past 6M if jobless, due to insufficient savings.
— mortgage — Most buyers accept as unavoidable — “Except the super-rich, who else can avoid a mortgage”. I think they can, provided they save up higher, and buy lower as I did.
Well, mortgage is non-ideal, but not a hardship.
Harmony? I choose ZZ i.e. non-passive acceptance. I don’t give up.
— ECR 8% per year — I don’t think it’s common, so I choose SS.

harmony[def]^t_mellow #aging

Posted on by tiger40490

k_mellow

Motivation: the concept and category of “stress” is too broad. Some blogposts are not exactly about stress. ParentingAnxiety is similar case. So I found “harmony” a related concept.

Harmony is about coexistence of two (or multiple ) conflicting parts, without removing/suppressing one of them. This concept can include

  • harmony in family [和睦] .. parentingAnxiety
  • harmony within .. similar to stress relief
  • harmony with the environment
  • harmony with the systems and their rules such as .. aging
  • resilience .. when harmony is lost or under threat
  • patience

— patience, and mellow-up .. personal-efficiency is a worthwhile goal, but to maintain inter-personal harmony , we want to avoid giving pressure on other people. It’s good to shield our friends from whatever pressure. I used to create pressure on my friends.. impatience.

— Mellow.. Mellow-up is about growing wisdom. It’s harder to become mellow than to achieve some local harmony. Deep harmony is usually achieved after mellow-up.

mellow and Emperor’s new clothes .. Many mis-perceptions are age-old bubbles to be poked when we mellow up.

mellow is often a personal growth against FOLB and other negative forces

— harmony is related to passive acceptance. Reconciliation and balance are required.

Powerless_Guilt #room4improve #w1r2

Posted on by tiger40490

k_X_power_descriptor

Powerless guilt is a form of self-hate. Powerless against the human limitations . (Powerless against external limitations is NOT a defining feature of this pattern, though external adversities are omnipresent.)

The antidote is perception of reality, compassion, empowering the self to defend the guilty charge. In this blogpost I’m trying to make the concept less vague. Am working on it and there’s no hurry.

— some patterns

  • s=some imaginary, superhuman standard, apparently based on some hearsay role model like the 70mile guy.
  • L=For now, I’m unable to overcome the inertia or low-energy mood and reach a satisfactory level of self-mastery. The obstacle might be internal or external, but they contribute to a sense of powerlessness.
  • spiral .. the more I feel powerless about it, the more I become fixated on it… dark energy spiral. See the defining eg below.
  • self-hate, self-loathing, self-contempt, pain.
  • absorbency and “burn” is a frequent feature
  • fixation .. I tend to focus too much on the room4improvement, the gap below the imaginary standard. The fixation leads to pain.
  • .. We need more realistic targets like I had with daily yoga. Note that walk, jog, cycle, basketball … require speed to be effective workout. Yoga can be slow.

— actual trigger eg: As self-judge, I have reached a verdict that I am not spending enough time with my son, not sacrificing enough, as compared to other parents or some imaginary standard. However, at the moment, that imaginary standard is so unreachable that the only reaction is powerless guilt.

Boy’s level of motivation is still lower than some imaginative standard (perhaps myself at that age?) This perception, together with his bmark performance, create a toxic lake, a breeding ground for self-hate and …

I feel guilty not “helping” him enough to grow his motivation.

— defining eg: masturbation in my teenage years
— classic eg (since teenage years): diet
— eg (not really classic?): exercise self-discipline
I would say yoga and pull-up are two classic examples. See Am I improving ] yoga@@ #Jess
— eg: coding drill like x problems a week
— eg: localSys xx .. extrinsic mtv is ineffective
— eg: OC-effectiveness .. (and brank) feeling guilty not trying harder. I might be able to learn (model someone), grow, but I have reached conclusion on the effort/reward.
— eg: irritation by nearby noise… In a Suntec exhibition, I remember a Microsoft roadshow presenter was annoyed by a nearby stage performance featuring random explosions. These attention-grabbers stole his thunder or distracted his audience. As an audience of his presentation, I told myself that if I were him I should accept the exhibition environment. However, nowadays I also get irritated by construction noise, when I feel I should accept and live with the situation, which is easier than the presenter’s situation.

Powerless guilt is part of the reaction. I think powerlessness is a reality that few individuals could handle effortlessly (sometimes I can). Guilt is something we can try to reduce.

— some examples that do not really fit the definition “like a glove”

  • eg: early sleep .. not powerless. I think at 11.30pm, I often feel the “zone” and the energy to go on, so I need better advance planning.