Category: tgt+control

Treat the coaching process as a business plan execution. Set tactical bmark or other targets and exercise control.

Targets come with penalty and rewards

Control is about discipline, feedback, correction, wrestle of will.

[17] feet-dragging – real problem

Posted on by tiger40490

FD — shorthand for deliberate inefficiency (close to zero efficiency)  and wasting time, as a protest.

FD is the equivalent of screaming and kicking, and breaking things.

FD is the thing that drove me crazy about 3 times — Christmas 2015; Before P2 Chinese exam;..

FD can mess up plans for the family and cause serious pain and real loss.

Cause of FD? Usually a super high target/consequence.

Solution: babysit (huge tcost). Usually can improve his efficiency. Forget about ownership temporarily.

Solution: give up the target/consequence. As soon as we notice serious feet dragging, we need to prepare to let go and contain the fallout.

Sugg: no TV if not done by an AGREED deadline. Key is buy-in

Sugg: music, aircon…

Symptom of FD: work for 1 minute and loaf for x minutes. I think we need to accept it. Recognize when he is able to concentrate for 5 minutes.

Symptom: distractions. Embrace it. See https://btv-open.dreamhosters.com/2017/01/07/distractions-during-babysitself-study/

Shiyan classmates refus`2study English

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Similar to my son’s limited effort on math “word problems” and reluctance to apply his mind,

  • In primary school I was reluctant to study Chinese,.. Later I had good absorbency i.e. tolerance for dry subjects.
  • Many classmates refused to study English — completely irrelevant within their lives. Same attitude as my son?

micro-managing boy’s studies

Posted on by tiger40490

Micro-managing is not specific to math, Chinese or any subject…

Micro-managing is somewhat opposite of ownership, as the parent takes ownership.

Micro-managing often entails emotional involvement … strain.

Micro-managing

Raymond’s approach (not sure exactly) is probably an example of micro-managing.

–tcost: Micro-managing “eats up” a lot of precious spare time. I find it hard to multitask while micro-managing his studies.

xp: My regrets were often tied to the tcost.

 

no control+!stress

Posted on by tiger40490

BMI, diet, yoga, workout … all demand mental effort, focus and stress.

A bullet fired towards a target is in free motion… hit or miss, but for a missile to aim at a moving target and adjust its flight, control is required.

As soon as we set an (however vague) expectation and take aim, we take on a challenge and set ourselves up for stress, disappointment, pain, self-doubt … Our self-esteem is now at stake.

Similarly the coding drill…

My son may not have this self-control yet.

[16] token^cash^bigger rewards

Posted on by tiger40490

Which one for tgt/control and which one for long-term goal?

  1. token or intangible rewards
    1. eg: sticker, kisses, praises
  2. immediate “cash” rewards (https://btv-open.dreamhosters.com/2016/09/25/tv-cash-reward/)
    1. for target/control, this is the most effective type of reward
  3. bigger rewards and BIG rewards.
    1. For motivation – not ready at this age
    2. For recognizing serious *effort*, not necessarily outstanding results

Out of the 3, only the bigger rewards can be canceled or postponed.

The “cash” reward can have diminishing value due to “drug resistance”. The kid often expects more next time.

## natural consequences: rare+precious

Posted on by tiger40490

Any time a parent says “this punishment/penalty can only be reduced under special conditions like weather”, the implicit, unspoken but obvious truth shines through — a man-made consequence, not a natural consequence.

The point systems is an attempt to mimic the natural consequences of “outside” world but unfortunately parents, rather than a computer, must make decisions each time.

There are preciously few natural consequences visibly “beyond” parents’ manipulation

  • homework delay -> teacher scolding
  • late to school -> teacher scolding
  • cash prize from the community
  • rewards by grand parents

— U.S.delay as Natural consequence for boy?
Discuss with wife the possibility to delay family relocation by 2 years to 2023 (boy age 15) if he doesn’t improve his motivation, self-discipline

Hopefully he sees that U.S. system is more fun, more freedom for him but if he remains unmotivated he has to receive tougher discipline in Singapore system.

sunshine on boy #grandpa

Posted on by tiger40490

grandpa has plenty of confidence, patience … for boy. When I hear grandpa talking about his observations of boy, I wish he could live till boy graduates from college.

I feel sunshine is related to Buddhist principles.

Sunshine doesn’t mean “loose”. Sunshine works well with “logical consequence” methodology.

Sunshine on myriads of individual plants…. Sunshine as a personal metaphor means unconditional … abundance, consistence …

 

train kids to set weekly goals for themselves

Posted on by tiger40490

Based on a book by some “expert teacher”..

It can be too hard to target “score A on this subject”. Instead, it is neither too hard nor too easy to target “complete homework on time”.

More importantly, the goal should be from the student, not imposed by an adult.

How about a target like “complete X practice problems every day”? None of these goals is easy for a kid not motivated. I just hope with parents guidance they can accept the weekly goals.

要求 effort ^ benchmark

Posted on by tiger40490

update: By default i set target for result. If ineffective, then I prefer effort.

Q: In terms of daily practice, shall we parents demand the kids to put in a required amount of effort each day or meet a required benchmark each day?

  • discipline, levies? all about effort and attitude;
  • reward? about benchmark usually but maybe we should reward effort? Needs creativity and resourcefulness.
  • targets? are benchmarks, but consider non-academic benchmarks
  • daily routine? about effort
  • concentration/distraction? really about benchmark, though we like to say it’s about effort
  • self-management? self-directed effort towards a self-set bbbbbenchmark
  • tutors? I used to ask them to help with EEEffort but now I know — more effective with benchmark
  • school homework? all about eeeeffort

Piano practice — benchmark sounds more practical, but I feel effort is the better choice.
multiplication verse — benchmark
decompose new characters — benchmark, similar to multiplication verses
renzi 认字 — effort
story reading — effort
spelling — benchmark

Note – meeting a benchmark once a week is not effective for many skills (like piano). You really need to practice every single day.