k_anger_mgmt

Sometime in Feb 2019, perhaps on my reunion trip…

Luckily I used my palm, not my fist or my feet, not a stick, so I knew the impact he experienced. Not as painful as the smack by my mom or the deliberate physical punishment on both kids.

Luckily I hit him on a fleshy part, so his bones are not impacted. if he were standing, then the slap could have delivered an unintended impact on the joints.

Nevertheless, Boy burst into real tear and ran into his room and locked the door. I immediately got up and chased after him and apologized “爸爸打得太重了“. Boy later revealed to me that the main reason (perhaps the #1) for his ran-away was “我被吓到了”. Indeed he was running away from a volcano.

Every time I witness 大宝痛哭的眼神流露出的恐惧, my heart melts down.

In hindsight, it would be safer to slap slightly lighter a few times before slapping that hard, to lessen the frightening experience.

Of course, it is even safer to smash something on the floor, just to release the anger and show him how much I was hurting. It’s one safer way to show my hurt without hurting him. Therefore, smashing is safer than yelling and violent slapping as those are usually out of control.  Is smashing safer than a controlled physical punishment? Not always. Smashing can be frightening.

See blogpost on smashing.

Strangely, I wonder why I never got so angry with my daughter.

1.5D served up to 5 Jan.

3.5D served up to 7 Jan

4.5D served up to 28 Jan

— 19 Dec. Dad doesn’t remember there was any major reason for this punch.
Dad burst out in Breadtalk, then 3 minutes later in the lift.

— 22 Dec on return trip from Ikea, dad was talking to boy while reaching out with a gentle touch on the forearm. Without looking, boy gave a powerful elbow swipe, almost sprained the middle finger of dad’s hand. 10 hours later, on 23 Dec morning, the injured finger still felt different from the same finger of the other hand.

This is 3 days after the Breadtalk incident.

On 6 Dec after coming back from basketball training, boy seized unlocked iPhone-11 from mom, and played game for 30m.

Dad repeatedly told him to return the phone to mom but boy refused at least 3 times.

At 15:09 mom told boy to stop. Boy said not yet 15:10, and kept playing Roblox, until dad asked him to stop at 15:17. There was a storm, so dad said “go and close the kitchen window”. Boy took a look in the kitchen and decided not to help out.

Dad decided to impose .5D of phone lock-up.

On the 21 Nov IKEA trip, mom almost lost balance … hard push from front.

I think this repeated offense deserve 2D.

1D penalty completed on 22 Nov.