See also

• long-term ROTI=rare;prejudice about fun time with boy #600@高考 
• Only a tiny percentage of my daily hours need to be, so-called, productive

19 Aug 2023 (National Potato Day) I had a enlightening chat with boy about screen time. It revealed some double-standards and prejudices in my “system1”

I first set out a hypothetical scenario. A teenager AA around my son’s age, a 12H+/day screen user

• factor-A: his/her academic progress is acceptable, not affected by screen time, not unable to concentrate or failing to complete homework
• factor-H: his/her health is unaffected by screen time, including sleep, workout,,,
• factor-F: his/her family bonding time is unaffected by screen time.
• factor-S: his/her social interactions are unaffected by screen time.
• factor-g: he/she doesn’t feel addicted to gaming

Somehow, I would still have problems as a parent or teacher of this kid. I would think this student has too much free time and is not “productive” in his/her spare time. See the bposts on burn^rot.

Then I told my son about a slightly better teenager BB, who spends average 1h/day of her screen time productively, either academically, or learning extra-curriculum content (like recreational reading [1]), or self-improvement in general. I would still say this teenager is less than really diligent, wasting so much free time.

Then I recalled a typical teenager CC in my days (1990s and late 1980s). More like Teenager AA, but instead of digital screens, he spends all his free time hanging out with friends, 打电话, 逛商场/公园/cinema, 钓鱼/捉昆虫, 下馆子(喝饮料),看小说, 看动漫, 看videotape, 看电视,,, basically 吃喝玩乐, while meeting all the factors above. I had the same contempt for CC but somehow more contempt for AA due to the screens. Why?

I told my son that many of those 1990s pastimes were clearly addictive, esp (personal experience) 武侠小说 and to a lesser extent other genres of  novels. But in my 40s I have more worries over adolescent screen addiction. Why?

[1] In fact, my son does spend a few such hours a week on average. He often uses video learning.

— mom’s perception. I guess she worries more about AA than CC.

— factor-S … my son said his screen time actually improves his social interactions with friends. I Choose to believe my son.

— factor-F … my son said he has sufficient family outing time, but I feel at home he is often absent-minded and engrossed in his gadgets ….

— factor-A … mom and dad feel his grades are inconsistent, often hovering around P/F (not enough to get into poly). He has no interest in exam subjects presumably due to screens.

— What’s reasonable vs excessive screen time?
I clock 10H+/day and I feel dependent on blogg … but not considered exessive .. double-standdard? (My recollection of my past and observations of other people are not as accurate.)

E-book and online reading is the default among the cohort 10Y after me such as my UChicago classmates, so a lot of screen time on e-books could be classified as productive screen time like learning.

Based on my observation, I doubt there’s reasonable amount of screen time with my son. It’s crucial to ask about the composition of boy’s screen time? We parents need to demonstrate trust in boy’s integrity when he answers this question. This trust is something rare and invaluable.

Wife and I have complaints about boy’s bedtime hours, eyesight, physical workout, motivation for studies, but look, majority of 13-year-olds have similar issues but their parents are not deseparate or fearful.

— the day after PotatoDay, I had a long call with an IMH counsellor.  Here are some pointers

• ask boy what he wants. No judgement. Nothing to point out. Don’t lecture. Don’t even teach. It’s hard to be a counsellor for a teenager. It’s even harder to be a parent-cum-counsellor.
• spend longer hours with boy. Be available for him. Be supportive.
• Counsellor affirmed that I’m a dedicated father. I try to be the counsellor that boy wants. However, when I threaten to take away his phone, I lose that status.
• Counsellor reminded me that I need to step away once a while.
• wife is in pain and needs external help. A lot of the family disharmony seems to stem from her conflict with boy, but this is not a conclusion, not even a tentative conclusion.
• boy is not too worried about screen time, studies or his future. More worried about his self-image.
• technology is constantly challenging us parents.