Category: mtvLongTerm

the TACTICAL motivations and rewards are part of “target+control” process.
See post on immediate incentive^long term target

skater: verbal abuse as motivation #w1r1

Posted on by tiger40490

https://www.scmp.com/sport/china/article/3094201/singapore-figure-skater-jessica-shuran-yu-speaks-out-about-systemic

https://www.straitstimes.com/sport/figure-skating-singapores-2017-sea-games-champion-yu-shuran-opens-up-about-systemic-abuse-in

This revelation shed lights on how China/U.S./Britain/Japan etc produced so many Olympic champions. Not confined to China.

— brainwash “whatever it takes to win medals”
“I remember being nine years old and asked if I was willing to do whatever it takes to get to the Olympics. I said yes. There was no way I could have understood what I was saying yes to.”

What if it included sexual favor or sacrificing health?

— brainwash “you deserve it”
“Up until recently, I never acknowledged that what I went through was abuse.  … I was led to believe that I deserved it.”

— brainwash “coach cares about your results”
some parents had justified the coach’s actions by telling her that he “cares about your results” and “he thinks you have potential”.

“There’s almost this validation that people try to attach to it for me. I didn’t agree with that but at the same time, it got to my head in the sense that if everyone’s seeing this and no one’s doing anything about it, how wrong is it?”

— brainwash “sacrifice”
“Skating is a very enjoyable thing and yes, it’s a very difficult sport and it requires sacrifice and hard work. But that should always be rewarding and not in a way that’s done to make the athlete feel miserable.”

Remember the American TigarMom and her daughters’ view on the sacrifice and misery.

— constant, daily verbal abuse, similar to my practice
the verbal and mental abuse was consistent and she cannot remember a time without it

— negative labels
The verbal abuse was daily, she wrote, being called “Lazy. Stupid. Retarded. Useless. And fat.” That criticism of her weight and diet led Yu to question her “value as an athlete”

— produce results for ..
“We’re children but treated as robots and machines that are produced to get results, and then discarded after we’re done getting results.”

But Results for who? For parents, the coaching organization, the country. Results are also valuable for the athletes themselves but these athletes can’t make a living from the results. Even the highly paid boxers and NBA superstars can’t. Even Olympic champions can’t. If you are regional champion, then results are pretty much worthless after you retire.

[[King’s speech]] resilience despite dependencies

Posted on by tiger40490

There are individuals who don’t need to rely on others. They appear to be resilient in the lone wolf sense, but I don’t know how common they are, or how strong they actually are.
I guess in most cases, resilient people tap on a “support network” rather than act as lone wolves.

One of the most intimate illustrations is counselling, like sexual issues, phobias, obsessions, addictions, behavior issues. Optimism (in the Lone-wolf sense) is just a word, often a weak and ineffective word by itself. Positive thinking is .. ditto. In half the non-trivial cases, the individual needs guidance and a helping hand. Dependency yes, but that’s real resilience for real people.

Emotional intelligence and Resilience are two misunderstood concepts.

  • EQ is way more than empathy; its foundation is self-awareness…
  • Resilience is not bulletproof, as explained in resilience #WhyFactor

Today I want to focus on resilience in spite of dependency.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_King%27s_Speech#Plot says the King’s speech therapist was always present at King George VI’s speeches during the war… ?! When I look at it with my red hat or black hat on, I would say Bertie was a failure and weakling with a constant need for (permanent dependency on) his therapist.

Such a hostile, /derogatory/, pessimistic assessment is unfair to King George, who became known as a symbol of British determination to win the WW2. The King demonstrated tremendous inner strength during WW2 and the post-war /disintegration/ of the British Empire.

It’s not necessarily a sign of weakness to rely on outside help, on a daily basis, as long as the individual is making a real effort, fighting her daily battle.

  • eg: Think of a weak student who needs constant help but also works hard on her own. I was a truly self-reliant student who doesn’t need as much help as my classmates, but that doesn’t make me a resilient student. In fact, those classmates (who depended on help) could come out on top, thanks to their resilience.
  • eg: I think many musicians and creative artists are dependent on drugs, alcohol, smoking… I would say some of them are capable, productive in their creative domains.
  • eg (fictional): Bane with his dependency on pain relief apparatus … is somehow feared as a strongman, but his dependency was proven to be his Archile’s hill when Batman attacked the tubes.
  • eg (specific) : Chairman Mao is a strong man, but also a chain smoker i.e. substance dependency.
  • eg (within my circle): Rahul is a determined, hard-working teammate I observed for a year+.  However, you could say he has a mild addiction to gaming and tobacco.
  • eg (within my family): my sis is a strong, tough, resilient woman. However, she had mild addictions to tobacco, overspending. I know her better than I know the other examples, but I tend to pass heavy judgement on her.
  • optimism and longevity .. https://www.cnbc.com/2022/06/10/study-optimists-are-more-likely-to-live-past-age-90-heres-why.html says leveraging social support is associated with optimism. These optimist women are less likely to go it alone when facing adversity.

self-dependent@studies, long-term vision,,, unrealistic

Posted on by tiger40490

I have heard the conventional and expert advice for years — make school-age children self-dependent on academics and beyond.

Now I think it may fail miserably for a few percent of the kids. My son could be one of them.

I (grandpa too) feel he is years younger than other 11-year olds, in terms of academic motivation and self-discipline. Such academic motivation requires a form of long-term vision. Some young kids lack any long-term vision. They can’t see beyond the next week. Grandpa now advocates

  • use outside tuitions
  • parents to baby-sit him for his studies

The P6 increased workload demands significant effort ,,, usually an effort from the pupil, but in our case, an effort from parents and tutor, since dabao can’t find the /energy/ from within.

Does boy need emotional support@@

Posted on by tiger40490

Elementary school kids need emotional support? Same commentator can say that my son needs help on math wordy problems.

But I realize that he has way more help than he needs. The only help he wants seems to be somebody to finish his homework so he could blindly copy without making any effort. Such help is unhelpful.

I think my son has a don’t-care attitude, therefore not so vulnerable.

absorbency n effort, again #leetcode

Posted on by tiger40490

My criticism on boy is mostly about effort and absorbency, but my own absorbency is also limited. So is my wife’s absorbency. 五十步笑百步。 I’m unable to do N leetcode problems a week!

Compared to him, I think I know the long-term consequences better.

I think my son is making some effort. His math talent and absorbency (abilities) is limited. If that’s the case we have limited reason to blame him. We had better accept him as is. Perseverance is questionable. When I used perseverance to push myself into doing push-up, sit-up, forward-bend in my Sec 2, I couldn’t last.

Q: Is Absorbency part of effort or abilities?
A: In my case, it’s an ability. In my son, i tend to see it as effort… double standard!

H.C.Andersen’s school experience #安徒生

Posted on by tiger40490

Andersen is one of the most celebrated and most loved children’s authors in history.

He once said his years in school were the darkest and most bitter of his life. At one school, he lived at his schoolmaster’s home, where he was (verbally?) abused, being told that it was “to improve his character”. He later said the faculty had discouraged him from writing, driving him into a depression.

no-minimum-effort ^ 背水一战

Posted on by tiger40490

Depending on the personality, the age and the situation, sometimes it’s effective to reassure our kids (or tell ourselves, or tell our spouse) that there’s no minimum requirement on your effort. Any try is good.

Best eg: invite someone to sing something

Sometimes it’s more effective to highlight the reality that unless we put up a good fight, result is bound to be painful. So no choice. 背水一战, 破釜沉舟. Sometimes we have to give this message to our kids. We often feel tempted to exaggerate it. I think sometimes kids can tell. I now think it’s better to be truthful with our kids.