Anger management4%%kids #+me

k_anger_mgmt

The “k_anger_mgmt” header keyword means my anger management. It is relevant here.

Anger is normal human emotion (like when we feel injustice or “cheated”), but aggression and violence is not.

When my son shows aggressive anger, I often show a “cold” Policeman stance, as cold as stone. It’s one of my confrontational stances. There are better stances.

— external support such as counselling

As I said, academic studies are important, but not as important as character. Therefore, we can skip academic sessions and make time to meet the counselor.

Until that time, the main support is mom and dad (me). Grandma used to be a key support.

— Why does he become aggressive. Not so obvious.

Unfair, cheated,,,,

Frustrated by the non-winning argument. He has a big itch, but his scratch was blocked.

— Sugg : Develop a plan for the next angry moment.

Best to have mom on board.

Perhaps watching TV is one of his coping solutions. I was perhaps wrong to crack down on it when he was angry.

Perhaps yelling at someone is one of his coping behaviors. I need to be aware. Yelling is not as dangerous as physical aggression, but bad influence for meimei.

physical activity is often an effective release of aggressive anger. Punchbag?

q3sg: %%huge t-spend with boy≠so stupid !

It was an experiment comparable to my msfm, my c++, my c#, my overseas investment… Experiment are risky in terms of disappointments.

His renzi was (is) strategic to me. I took a calculated risk.

In hind sight, I had no better use of my spare time. I couldn’t save my spare time in a freezer for later use.

Without these experiments, could we discover ….?

CSY’s BostonU kid

Shanyou’s son has academic talents in high school but refused to study. He “only” managed to earn a half-scholarship to study comp science in Boston University. Shanyou felt “what a waste — he could have got into ivy league”.

I’m feeling the same about my son. As I criticize CSY for his parenting attitude/perception, I have to admit that I am in the same trap — 五十步笑百步.

This is one of the elements of reality I have to accept.

e-games: not all created equal

I told grandpa that he has a bias against Hongkongers. I too have a bias against e-games. Not all games are created equal, equally addictive, equally challenging, equally enjoyable,,

Boy won’t prefer a parent who is ignorant of the differences.

Bill Chen told me I need to understand the games before I comment on them.

 

dabao: Genn’s input

I often show my lack of confidence in his abilities , his luck, his future progress, ,, it would affect him.

for math, More nurturing less demanding; instead of telling him what to do, suggest to him.

Rebuild his self-esteem and confidence in math.

He doesn’t show all his cards. He may have some special skills; he may feel ashamed sometimes.

Get boy to finish the toughest homework early, before dinner, to fend off the fearful math teacher.

Consider stopping the Science/Eng tuition. It is counter-productive to developing his motivation and self responsibility.

R.Teo@parent`hours #Malay

I asked Raymond why Malay students seldom out-perform on standardized benchmarks. Raymond is confident that IQ is not one of the factors.

He said a key factor is that Malay parents have too many kids and too little spare time outside work (often 1.5 to two jobs). Raymond contrasted the hours he spends with his boys.

Jack He also said affluent families often have full time mom taking care of kids.

My hypothesis — I guess one of the factors is parenting. Malay (or Hipanic..) parents probably think grades are not so important. Their kids are therefore feeling OK below average. My wife is fairly serious about grades.