Category: ChenMi
smartphone≠nutrition but opium
[21]best ending@iPhone8
- broken by wear-n-tear… #1 best ending because No conflict No emotional pain
- damaged due to mishandling, like dropped in water
- misplaced or stolen .. blame, guilt, self-hate
- smashed to pieces, in boiling_anger
- sold for a few hundred bucks .. must agree with wife
- sent to Beijing or Shanghai and let it become obsolete and worthless
Q: can this family live in peace with this iPhone8? If no, then we need to get rid of this iPhone8 indefinitely.
— sell to remove the opium, as I described to a counsellor
I feel extremely frustrated about the current situation. We have let the genie out of the bottle and it is now a massive pain to try and bring it back in.
The phone is useful but the harm is higher than the benefit. My son is not interested in anything else beside bedtime reading. As of Sep 2020, My wife now depends on the iphone games to get my son to study a bit more. Just like giving him opium.
If we don’t give him the daily gaming minutes he would complain and suffer emotionally. I think he feels deprived of THE entitlement as a 12-year old young adult.
Breaking (physically) the iPhone sounds like a non-natural consequence, a consequence imposed by parents. I would need wife’s cooperation, but even with her cooperation, breaking the phone would rekindle the conflict and also pain in me and my son.
I feel powerless, a feeling I experienced very few times in my adult life (boxer cornered and beaten up; in the conflict with in-laws). It is hurting me.
— What if we need to buy another phone?
It depends on the actual ending of the current iPhone8
I think boy would demand a pretty good, costing $500-$1k. I will resist but I am likely to concede. The financial cost is acceptable. The financial “pain” is mild and acceptable compared to the emotional pain in “smash”.
Sometimes I feel a monetary budget can relieve my pain, See other blogposts.
[21]手机失控: 大势已去@@ #有识之士 #w1r2
cf: We can ask the same question on drugs. In some US and UK neighborhoods, everyone takes recretional drugs, which could be legalized and sold in vending machines.
cf: We can ask the same question on /tobacco/. In my high school, 100% boy (except me) learned to smoke including the most diligent and serious students like Li Jing Hua, LSAgain.
David (Cigna) said 危难时期，总有几个有识之士[1]，挺身而出，力挽狂澜， 甚至知其不可而为之. In the family, this person is often the father. Here’s one example in my family. In my Zed years, my sis fell into financial difficulties. I felt she was beyond rescue. I sensed the same attitude from my mom. However, my dad committed himself 100% to rescue her. He didn’t know if it would cost his entire savings. He committed everything he had.
[1] first step is to recognize the gravity of the matter. My wife probably doesn’t realize it. She probably thinks it is fine. Well, the phone addiction destroys lives.
self-restraint ]Chinese(+Buddhist) culture #parenting
Western culture emphasizes hard driving, achievement, and I think some motivated or high-achievers have limited self-restraint
gaming is the prime example. 沉迷电子世界 (electronic addiction) is another example.
I should talk to more people with a gaming hobby, or smoking hobby, … Rahul is one. These individuals could be very motivated, hard-working, high-flying.
I think grandpa is a huge influence on me, but perhaps in his circle there are some equally successful individuals with some of those habits?
parental control: smartphone^laptop #app
Pearleen pointed that I can learn and gain more control over the smartphone, to a level comparable to laptops.
Basics:
- use my apple account, not his account
— get notified when an app is installed
— limit the screentime of each app
— audit trail: how much time boy spends in each app
— audit trail: all the apps installed and when
— audit trail: all the websites visited
spend`@robux ^badFood,toys,basketball,,
Q: How bad is spending on robux compared to other “fancy spends” that my son, not parents, desire?
— TimeZone? I think spending on TimeZone is one of the better spends that my son actually desires.
— story books (his chosen)? A bit wasteful if we can find them in library
— fancy pencil box, school bag, toothbrush (usually paid by mom). Better than robux
— new basketball? Better than toys and robux
scooter? similar?
Electric toothbrush? possibly helping him brush?
— fast food or sugary drinks? harmful to health. Worse than robux
— fancy meal with parent? better than fast food
— bike sharing? Good exercise. A bit wasteful but better than robux or bad food
— toys? Usually expensive and he may soon lose interest. Worse than robux