Category: ChenMi
PotatoDay chat: screen time rationalized
See also
- long-term ROTI=rare;prejudice about fun time with boy #600@高考
- Only a tiny percentage of my daily hours need to be, so-called, productive
19 Aug 2023 (National Potato Day) I had a enlightening chat with boy about screen time. It revealed some double-standards and prejudices in my “system1”
I first set out a hypothetical scenario. A teenager AA around my son’s age, a 12H+/day screen user
- factor-A: his/her academic progress is acceptable, not affected by screen time, not unable to concentrate or failing to complete homework
- factor-H: his/her health is unaffected by screen time, including sleep, workout,,,
- factor-F: his/her family bonding time is unaffected by screen time.
- factor-S: his/her social interactions are unaffected by screen time.
- factor-g: he/she doesn’t feel addicted to gaming
Somehow, I would still have problems as a parent or teacher of this kid. I would think this student has too much free time and is not “productive” in his/her spare time. See the bposts on burn^rot.
Then I told my son about a slightly better teenager BB, who spends average 1h/day of her screen time productively, either academically, or learning extra-curriculum content (like recreational reading [1]), or self-improvement in general. I would still say this teenager is less than really diligent, wasting so much free time.
Then I recalled a typical teenager CC in my days (1990s and late 1980s). More like Teenager AA, but instead of digital screens, he spends all his free time hanging out with friends, 打电话, 逛商场/公园/cinema, 钓鱼/捉昆虫, 下馆子(喝饮料),看小说, 看动漫, 看videotape, 看电视,,, basically 吃喝玩乐, while meeting all the factors above. I had the same contempt for CC but somehow more contempt for AA due to the screens. Why?
I told my son that many of those 1990s pastimes were clearly addictive, esp (personal experience) 武侠小说 and to a lesser extent other genres of novels. But in my 40s I have more worries over adolescent screen addiction. Why?
[1] In fact, my son does spend a few such hours a week on average. He often uses video learning.
— mom’s perception. I guess she worries more about AA than CC.
— factor-S … my son said his screen time actually improves his social interactions with friends. I Choose to believe my son.
— factor-F … my son said he has sufficient family outing time, but I feel at home he is often absent-minded and engrossed in his gadgets ….
— factor-A … mom and dad feel his grades are inconsistent, often hovering around P/F (not enough to get into poly). He has no interest in exam subjects presumably due to screens.
— What’s reasonable vs excessive screen time?
I clock 10H+/day and I feel dependent on blogg … but not considered exessive .. double-standdard? (My recollection of my past and observations of other people are not as accurate.)
E-book and online reading is the default among the cohort 10Y after me such as my UChicago classmates, so a lot of screen time on e-books could be classified as productive screen time like learning.
Based on my observation, I doubt there’s reasonable amount of screen time with my son. It’s crucial to ask about the composition of boy’s screen time? We parents need to demonstrate trust in boy’s integrity when he answers this question. This trust is something rare and invaluable.
Wife and I have complaints about boy’s bedtime hours, eyesight, physical workout, motivation for studies, but look, majority of 13-year-olds have similar issues but their parents are not deseparate or fearful.
— the day after PotatoDay, I had a long call with an IMH counsellor. Here are some pointers
- ask boy what he wants. No judgement. Nothing to point out. Don’t lecture. Don’t even teach. It’s hard to be a counsellor for a teenager. It’s even harder to be a parent-cum-counsellor.
- spend longer hours with boy. Be available for him. Be supportive.
- Counsellor affirmed that I’m a dedicated father. I try to be the counsellor that boy wants. However, when I threaten to take away his phone, I lose that status.
- Counsellor reminded me that I need to step away once a while.
- wife is in pain and needs external help. A lot of the family disharmony seems to stem from her conflict with boy, but this is not a conclusion, not even a tentative conclusion.
- boy is not too worried about screen time, studies or his future. More worried about his self-image.
- technology is constantly challenging us parents.
reasonable^excessive screen time
ex-prisoner/parolees tend to lose self-control n reoffend
See also AAA
The U.S. probation/parole system highlights the challenges of individual freedom for individuals with limited responsibility and judgement. I don’t have statistics, but I think parolees and ex-prisoners often struggle with self-control and individual freedom. They are likely to become addicted to substances, gambling or gaming. They may also have problems with debt and personal credit. For these individuals, closer supervision and reduced freedom may help them avoid reoffence. In extreme cases, even when you are eligible for parole, you may be better off staying in prison, because the strict control is actually better than the “freedom” outside.
https://www.pewtrusts.org/en/research-and-analysis/issue-briefs/2018/09/probation-and-parole-systems-marked-by-high-stakes-missed-opportunities reported:
- about 4.5 million, or 1 in 55 U.S. adults, was on supervision [i.e. probation or parole] in 2016
- every years, about 2.3 million people exit probation or parole. Nearly 1/3 of them exit it with a unclean record. Among them, almost 350,000 return to jail.
- About one-fifth of felony defendants were on supervision when they were arrested.
- Rates of substance use among those on supervision are two to three times those of the general population. I think this contribute to their supervision offenses.
addictions: various degrees@harm: food++
When it comes to calorie counting, One of the least noticed features is the various degrees of “bad” when we decide to loosen up and eat bad food
I feel creamy cakes are among the worst foods. Except for the strongest dieters it is probably impractical to completely ban creamy foods as if they were opium.
There are important degrees of bad — fried peanut and alcohol are both worse than creamy food.. tobacco is worse than alcohol.. drugs are worse than tobacco. In the mass media and everyday conversations, we can see the different attitudes towards categories of “bad” substances.
In terms of calorie density, more stupid are the calorie-dense foods that aren’t satisfying — fried peanuts; alcohol; mint ice-cream; cheese chunks;
— ranking by regulatory restriction on substance-advertising
- TV show or football binge-watching
- movie addiction .. no advertising regulation
- .. harm: huge t$cost if a poor person watches too much
- e-gaming .. no advertising regulation
- unhealthy food
- alcohol .. age restriction
- tobacco .. age restriction. No advertising allowed in some countries like SG. Tobacco is deemed more addictive and harmful than alcohol
- drugs .. complete ban on advertising
pre-teen phone addiction
- more (clear) agreements with boy and wife on daily screen time limits
- even minor improvement in father/mother consistency can be worthwhile. A parent’s Understanding of the consequences is the key.
- Instagram addiction .. is a social problem.
— camp 0
Grandpa’s advice can be valid. It depends on the child’s personality and /circumstances/. Remember the one-year penalty? In general, this strategy is more valid for my generation rather than the new generation.
What if boy shows improvement but not enough by my standard?
Q: is 30m screen time too low? My camp 0 is not same as Sachin’s.
- no control Outside home
- no control on mom’s phone
- no control on music playing
- not applied on computer screen time
— alternatives to phone
🙂 He is a good reader.
[21]sometimes I want to smash the iPhone8
https://btv-open.dreamhosters.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=25809&action=edit&classic-editor i.e. lesser of two evils
“I did no wrong,y dad locked up@phone” #entitled
Q: “I did no wrong, y dad locked up my phone”
A: you exceeded daily screen time limit, not just gaming time limit.
Note academic benchmark are not a factor provided you put in effort.
— Arbitrary, impulsive punishment … is common but I will endeavour to minimize it.
I think arbitrary, impulsive penalty in phone lock-up is not same as other punishment, because phone is completely optional. Sachin doesn’t give reasons for lock-up.
The problem is entitlement, as I predicted in late 2020. No entitlement, then no justification needed.
too tired2argue screentime#grandpa, sunk_cost
The trigger — grandpa told me he would not understand the important details as he is now concentrating on his cancer battle.
On 5 Jan I told boy “Today after I witnessed the kicking and screaming at home, I took iPhone8 and escaped to office. I couldn’t concentrate to work. I had to spend at least 5 hours talking and writing to deal with this bloody phone issue. Similar to Grandpa’s situation, I don’t have infinite capacity to deal with this bloody phone issue.”
I realize that given the amount of sunk_tcost, I don’t have to spend even more tcost on this issue.
The simple fact — many 13-year old kids worldwide and in Singapore carry no phone. Why do I take on so much risk, stress and pain … for something so optional? You may ask “Are those negative effects real?”
— stress is real, at least in terms of anxiety and loss of control
— pain is real when there’s conflict, disappointment and anger
— risk is real