[20]expectations@boy: long^short horizon

I have persuaded myself for many years to accept, to some extent, the long-horizon prospect, but the day-to-day realities are now the acute pains I’m struggling to cope with.

Long-horizon prospect is fundamentally connected to current pains such as time mgmt, mtv,,, Accepting the former should help me accept the latter. The more completely I accept the former, the more it would help me coping with the current pains.

— Over the longer horizon, I have realistic (reasonable) expectations of dabao’s math benchmark.

Ms Goh asked “what’s your expectation in terms of PSLE and secondary school?” Without hesitation I said an average school is good enough.

This proved to be a memorable Q&A session.

— over the immediate horizon, my expectation is unrealistic, painful, stressful, unbearable — in terms of his motivation, time-mgmt,,, See the complete list at ##Let us accept #current pains

[16] practice what I preach: above-average target, really@@

To those who question my self-description that I am one of the parents who don’t care so much about my son’s exam results and only aim for above-average, here’s how I actually practiced what I preach:

  • I tried but stopped private tuition that worked on his weaker exam subjects
  • every day I spend time with my son on renzi, not test preparation
  • I record his daily renzi effort, not his test results
  • every Saturday I spend about 3 hours with my son on fitness training, more than I spend on his math + English combined.
  • everyday I spend time (When grandma is not around) with my son on piano
  • I didn’t blame him at all when he scored 16.5/20 in his math test. He made no careless or calculation mistake.
  • The only help I give on his Math is something unneeded for exams. Every week I would spend some time with him on mental arithmetic — multiplication verses + add/subtract within 20.
  • I didn’t work with him on grammar or English vocab for writing, even though these are needed for his English exams.

[16] bmark – accept big underperformance NOW@@

He has enough capacity to join the top 25% stream but I have carefully accepted he may not perform to his standard. I have accepted an above-average exam result, so long as Yixin puts in a “reasonable” effort.

Q: However, what if we leave him to himself and he doesn’t put in any reasonable effort and score way below his standard? Can we accept severe under-performance?

Acceptance means no scolding, no bitterness, no finger pointing, no regrets. Acceptance requires a big heart and 胸襟. Acceptance means unshaken confidence in him.

My answer — I am unable to but I’m working towards a rational, objective view. In such a situation, I would take bulk of the responsibility for not focusing on his ownership, self-drive, self-discipline, motivation.

[16] exam pressure +! valve

see also post on “when to get really serious”

As I told many friends, academic benchmark pressure (including streaming in schools) is widespread, prolonged, almost unbounded and truly harmful, whereas the CCA pressure will never kill us – piano, swimming, 认字 … The latter comes with pressure relief valves. See also https://btv-gz.dreamhosters.com/2014/09/20/hobbies-generating-positive-stress-le2-amina/

Benchmark pressure is created by schools, teachers, neighbors, other students (in other schools or in other grades), and the society at large.

DJDJ #52808866

Can I stay-in every time I visit? Yes normal. (Young children would pose a hazard.) I hope my stay doesn’t create too much additional workload

It’s normal to request more of any food you like. Semi-buffet. You can see 小炒 menu and order 1D in advance

Yoga studio is 24H accessible using guests’ cards.

Annual price increase is capped at 10%, and hopefully discount would continue

Full name: 大家的家 阜成城心社区

— Address: “北礼士路 98 号” Pinyin input is tough… must remember the characters.

#98 Beilishi Road

phone: +86-10-52808866 (dial 1109 to reach Room 1109)
— infection control list

  • HIV/syphillis .. ask Polyclinic, DSC etc
  • .. also include in the next annual screening
  • chest X-ray .. need to say “persistent cough”
  • full blood test .. send in Dr Leow’s results ASAP
  • HepC antibody and HepB-5 .. Ask Dr Leow to include next time.
Posted in

[21]look beyond college admission

See also

  • my letter to Kyle about two mothers
  • my letter to Kyle about inside advantage

Many middle-class Chinese parents tend to come under a powerful /spell/ (re Emperor’s new clothes). The spell limits their horizon to no more than college admission. My wife is one of them. She tends to judge a parent’s success solely based on the branding of the college the child gets into. If we put aside the caveats [some listed below], I think we can see how short-sighted she is. If we do look beyond college admission, and look at the 4Y experience, look at the post-grad, look at life-long learning, look at employment prospect, I think most of us would agree that college admission is grossly overrated and not really the make-or-break of a person’s life.

(Admission to ) A branded colleges vs later success is like a trophy wife vs fulfilling marriage. Note “trophy wife” has a rich meaning with many elements, and therefore an interesting analog.

I think many Chinese parents actually realize “Yes short-sighted”, but still find it hard to break away and reject the herd instinct. I think this is exactly why I found it hard to persuade myself to accept a 5-rated SDXQ like South Edison or Bayonne.

Now the caveats:

  • caveat: my wife also understands (probably agrees) that if a marginally more branded college costs much more than a slightly smaller brand, then the former is overpriced and not a worthwhile choice.
  • caveat: my wife also knows that the child needs to like the college, regardless of the brand. Even if mom likes the brand name, the child may not like the college or the course.
  • caveat: my wife also knows that a student can graduate from a lesser college and then j0in a branded college for post-grad, like I did.

highlights of Sec1 exam

  • Best subjects in final exams? Two A’s in SSSSscience and GGGeography
  • biggest leap from mid-year? SSSScience
  • biggest leap from WA3? MMMMath
  • most consistent subject? GGGeography
  • full-year best subject? GGGeography

For each subject, the class is categorized into 5 bands with the same number of students: top 20%… upper-middle 20% … middle 20%… lower-middle 20%… bottom 20%.

  • best subject in final exam? CCCChinese, scored in top 20%.
  • .. EEEEnglish scored in upper-middle 20%.
  • MMMMath final exam is not so bad. Boy scored in lower-middle 20%

Overall full-year banding across 7 subjects? lower-middle 20%, not the bottom 20% as we feared.

Strongest subject in full-year banding? EEEEnglish and CCCChinese scored in middle 20%

GCE@UK ^ U.S.highSchoolDiploma #math

British and US pre-U systems are different, but the gap is smaller than the gap between other pairs of countries , partly because these two student populations often switch to the other system. In the excerpt below, all highlighting is mine.

Although there are no official equivalencies between the US and UK education systems, most UK and US educators agree that a US high school diploma (without AP courses) can be roughly compared to five GCSE (O-levels) passes at grade C and above. A US high school diploma with AP courses can be roughly compared to GCSEs plus A-levels.

So, for example, a British student holding GCSEs when he or she enters the US may be academically more advanced than US students of the same age. US students experiencing the British system for the first time at 15-18 years of age may find it more demanding than they had expected. Pupils who have been studying at top level private schools in the US may be at a much higher level than ones from the public school system and may find our level about the same as what they know back home. Some of our American students have also noted that the mathematics program demanded by the GCSE qualification is very different what they experienced at home:  By taking a more integrated approach (as opposed to the more rigid separation of different topics in math, such as separate courses in algebra and geometry), students were able to both review material they had already covered and explore new ideas without sacrificing extra time to multiple math courses.

Because the academic level of a US High School Diploma achieved without AP coursework can be as much as 2 or 3 years behind the British A-level standard, most UK universities will not accept American-educated students holding a high school diploma without any additional honors, such as AP test results or SAT subject tests. UK universities and the Universities and Colleges Admissions Services (UCAS) recognize AP exams as equivalent to A-levels. If a US student has taken A-level exams and obtained reasonable grades, then university entrance in the UK is not a problem.

If you return to the States with 2-4 A-levels with reasonable grades, you may find that you are issued credit and dispensed from some or even the majority of courses for the first year of university. This depends, of course, on your choice of university and your choice of subjects.

 

burnOrRot =successZ+C #

k_tyrant_of_rmSelf  k_Promethean_struggle .. k_def_of_success

In a way, burn often focuses on quardrant-II [non-urgent-but-important], the tough jobs that deserve lots of sunshine….

When thinking in terms of burn/rot, there is always a harsh, imposing self2judge at the back of my mind. This self2judge maintains a destructive self-hate, and implicitly considers self1 too lazy and weak… No surprise, because by my superhuman standard every human shows visible weaknesses.

  • I beat myself up over coding drill
  • I beat up my son over his math practice
  • I beat myself up over fried potato chips

(I also demonized masturbation, egg yolk …. all based on unfounded health theories.)

I used to set an self-expectation of such high self-discipline that every human would Fall short, including grandpa, Wenqiang, .. but I thought my standard was normal and achievable if I simply Try Hard. Now I’m older and wiser. I know these standards are too hard for mere humans. We humans are not machines.  No one has such strong will as to force the body to do all the painful things. In real people, the strong motivation comes from within, from a desire, not from harsh self-discipline.

If the wellspring, the flame, the pulse inside a student is insufficient, then neither parent, teacher or herself can force it with willpower.

successZ+successC => burn = materialisticRoti+selfDiscipline… I think this is a pretty good characterization of the vague concept of “burn”. Now I think my sense of ‘burn’ is always a mix of strenuous [1] self-discipline over the lazy self + [2] materialistic ROTI.

As a consequence, when I’m focused on successE [carefree ezlife, wellness, harmony…], I don’t feel the burn.

Note successZ is more than zqbx! Therefore, t_zqbx has a only a partial overlap with t_burnOrRot.

[1] Without the self-discipline, I don’t feel the burn.  Absorbency and zqbx are similar phrases
[2] I didn’t say “strategic”
— Bigger Eg: My diet is arguably the best eg — so tough, unenjoyable, b
ut I could put up with it because my level of suffering is lower than other people feels. If you ask me to cut further and further, I will experience too much “pain” in terms of self-deprivation.
— Bigger Eg: Yoga is another unimaginable achievement — a physical shortcoming, painful, hopeless, no visible progress, No hope of sustained improvement, therefore a /Promethean torment/

In lower-middle school, I beat myself up over stretching. One of The earliest and most painful experience of my life. Today, I still hate myself frequently because I couldn’t get myself to “practice yoga at home everyday”. Well, those (mostly women) who can are probably too weak for daily exercise, continuous learning, …See  girls with Grade-A flexibility

Now, against all odds, I did 2 sessions a week for 8 months in Bayonne.

Willpower is NOT the catalyst.
— Eg: How about early rise? In 1993 I once beat myself up for not getting up by 6am. For 25 years since, it was impossible to keep up early rise beyond 10 days. Now I have lasted about 2 months !

Self-discipline and brute force willpower has Never been the turning point in early rise.
— eg: jolt: self-care blogging under stress — requires effort to become effective, but I often think of it as indulgence. It has high ROTI (just not materialistic).

Self-care blogging often generates self-hate ! Unfair. I deserve more tender care and sympathy.
— eg: coding drill: I guess many of my friends don’t enjoy it as they feel high effort low chance of ROTI.

Contrast Ashish and Deepak who keep practicing. Even if chance of passing is rising slowly, thhe practice slows down the decline.
— eg: reading about Sec1 posting — feels thankless and no “burn”. Requires effort but there’s no materialistic ROTI !

math: Chn students’ advtg=short-lived

Look at programming course. East Asian students don’t seem to have an edge over Americans.
Look at math. I believe East Asian students have an edge, but sometime during the 4Y in college (possibly starting in high school), in STEM courses American students somehow catch up to close the gap.

In the big picture, the math advantage is short-lived


Many say the Chinese students (including Singapore, HK …) are the smartest compared to Grade6 counterparts in other countries, largely due to their math standard. (More than other subjects, basic math is associated with IQ.) China students are traditionally known to be very strong in math “problem solving”, from primary school till pre-U level. If we take a random sample of 10,000 age-16 students from China to form a “China sample” and use a standardized test to grade them in A/A-/B+/B/C (not numerical score [1]), and repeat the same on a U.S. sample, and a Japan sample, and a German sample, … we get 150 national sample and a score for each country. Probably China team will be stronger than most teams. (I have reason to believe Russian team, Korean team, Singapore team will also be strong.)

[1] For the statistically inclined, the “score” is not a number, but rather a histogram. We can compare two histograms by their IQM or their median. We can even compare their mean since there can be no outlier in a letter-grade. Tthere’s no real difference between a score of 881 vs 882 — such granularity is completely misleading.

Now, how about programmers? If I take a random sample of 100 China-trained programmers (below age 28 [2]) and grade them on a standardized coding test, and repeat the same on a random U.S. sample or Australian sample… I believe China team will Not be so strong. Why? Below is my educated guesses.

(I will use “American students” as a proxy for students in developed western countries, where emphasis on math practice is much lower.)

My Answer — many American students before age 17 don’t bother to practice math problems as much as their China counterparts. (My son is this type. My sister’s Australian boyfriend Chris was this type when he was young.) They don’t see a purpose. If an American student and a China student are equally intelligent then the China students would end up practicing a lot more on math problems, and score higher. For a programmer, the American is equally motivated as the Chinese, so they put in similar effort.

My Answer — Also, China education system is academically more competitive. China’s top schools practice competitive enrollment. In American schools, before Grade 9, most exam scores don’t matter that much. Even at Grade 12 (last year of Pre-U), exam scores matter much less than in China. Most top colleges use national test scores as one of many selection criteria. Therefore, China students not only put up with a lot of practice, but also work hard to understand the concepts better, so they can cope with hard math exams. If we look at Google/Facebook coding interviews, competition is equally high for anyone, so the American programmer also feels motivated by the competition and works hard and competes effectively against Chinese programmers.

There’s a deep cultural factor that’s hard to describe fully — For centuries the Chinese family values education achievements more than other nationalities, esp. the visible signs of achievements like enrollment in a famous school, be it university, secondary school or a primary school. There’s enormous effort by parents, teachers and students to improve on standardized benchmark scores, something the American family don’t care that much and don’t put in so much effort. Therefore, at the middle-school level, the Chinese students have put in far more effort on math practice than the American students. As to programming skill …. well no such cultural factor… no prestige …

xxxxxxxx

By age 25, in the tech or scientific sectors, the Chinese young professionals are still strong, but not “head and shoulders above” the other nationalities.

Q: if indeed the China students were technically strong at age 16 but no longer so strong at age 25, then at what age did they start losing their lead? I know it’s a gradual process between age 18 and 25, but please pick one age.
A: I would say in college, around age 20, when other nationalities start seeing a purpose in working hard and /building technical competence/. That’s consistent with my own experience. My friend Jack He pointed out that in college, the Chinese parents can’t control them.

The math subject is the best example. (To a lesser extent, we can talk about science, too.) The Chinese students are strongest in these subjects. Note there’s no such advantage in performing arts, visual arts, sports etc.

Q: what if I grade those high school student samples on a reasonably tough programming test rather than math test?
A: I would think China team would show no visible superiority, since programming is not a subject they practice for. They don’t have 20 years of past exams to study. There’s no purpose in practicing on programming since this skill doesn’t help them get into top colleges.

Q: what if I grade the students on a physics test?
A: I would think China team is still strong if the test is mostly theoretical physics, but their advantage will be smaller than in math test. Math is more abstract than physics.

Q: what if I grade the student sample on a standardized chemistry exam?
A: I don’t know, but I doubt the China team would show superiority. Chemistry is even less abstract and theoretical.

Q: how about history?
A: Not a subject with an international benchmark

Observation — Many China schools have impressive track record in training students on theoretical, abstract subjects like math and theoretical physics.
Observation — For two equally intelligent students, motivation (and therefore effort) is the key differentiator
Observation — China students were motivated to study math at an earlier age. Other nationalities can catch up when they find the motivation.

Therefore, I now believe math (or any other subject) test scores in primary school, middle school, pre-U don’t matter as much as some Chinese parents believe. We have a cultural bias to place too much emphasis on test scores.

The statistical correlation between Grade-10 test score and college GPA is probably not very high. The mediocre American students can often catch up with Chinese students later on, perhaps in college (or after leaving college) and become equally strong technically. The American students’ talent is Not wasted in middle school or high school.

Last Observation — when the China student loses motivation, he would lose the competition. This is a marathon. 龟兔赛跑,可以后来居上。

What I want to focus on in my kids is not academic benchmark, but learning habits, motivation, self-discipline, desire to learn. These attributes had better get built-in at an early age.

[2] I put in this condition because among the U.S. programmers, there are many older ones.

— Why I pick programming as the contrast against math?

In this blogpost, I chose programming because programming skill is highly correlated with math skill. Among all the secondary school subjects, math skill has the highest correlation with programming skill. Is there another mainstream professional skill that’s more correlated with math? statistician? actuary? I’m unfamiliar with them, and programmers outnumber these professions by a factor of 500.

I chose “programming test” also because it’s easily standardized. All programmers are trained to solve the same classic computer science problems. Math and programming are both highly abstract and well-defined, so every programmer can understand a standardized coding question.

I chose “programming” also because it can be self-taught with little outside help. If you have a grasp of basic math, and plenty of motivation, you can read tons of free books and practice on hundreds of problems and improve effectively. I think millions of young programmers/students world-wide do precisely that on leetcode.