Category: 3t_supper

t_homeSupper
“t_” prefix means this category is/was tag-like
“3” prefix means this category is more specific than some other categories like “temptation”

Powerless_Guilt #room4improve #w1r2

Posted on by tiger40490

k_X_power_descriptor

Powerless guilt is a form of self-hate. Powerless against the human limitations . (Powerless against external limitations is NOT a defining feature of this pattern, though external adversities are omnipresent.)

The antidote is perception of reality, compassion, empowering the self to defend the guilty charge. In this blogpost I’m trying to make the concept less vague. Am working on it and there’s no hurry.

— some patterns

  • s=some imaginary, superhuman standard, apparently based on some hearsay role model like the 70mile guy.
  • L=For now, I’m unable to overcome the inertia or low-energy mood and reach a satisfactory level of self-mastery. The obstacle might be internal or external, but they contribute to a sense of powerlessness.
  • spiral .. the more I feel powerless about it, the more I become fixated on it… dark energy spiral. See the defining eg below.
  • self-hate, self-loathing, self-contempt, pain.
  • absorbency and “burn” is a frequent feature
  • fixation .. I tend to focus too much on the room4improvement, the gap below the imaginary standard. The fixation leads to pain.
  • .. We need more realistic targets like I had with daily yoga. Note that walk, jog, cycle, basketball … require speed to be effective workout. Yoga can be slow.

— actual trigger eg: As self-judge, I have reached a verdict that I am not spending enough time with my son, not sacrificing enough, as compared to other parents or some imaginary standard. However, at the moment, that imaginary standard is so unreachable that the only reaction is powerless guilt.

Boy’s level of motivation is still lower than some imaginative standard (perhaps myself at that age?) This perception, together with his bmark performance, create a toxic lake, a breeding ground for self-hate and …

I feel guilty not “helping” him enough to grow his motivation.

— defining eg: masturbation in my teenage years
— classic eg (since teenage years): diet
— eg (not really classic?): exercise self-discipline
I would say yoga and pull-up are two classic examples. See Am I improving ] yoga@@ #Jess
— eg: coding drill like x problems a week
— eg: localSys xx .. extrinsic mtv is ineffective
— eg: OC-effectiveness .. (and brank) feeling guilty not trying harder. I might be able to learn (model someone), grow, but I have reached conclusion on the effort/reward.
— eg: irritation by nearby noise… In a Suntec exhibition, I remember a Microsoft roadshow presenter was annoyed by a nearby stage performance featuring random explosions. These attention-grabbers stole his thunder or distracted his audience. As an audience of his presentation, I told myself that if I were him I should accept the exhibition environment. However, nowadays I also get irritated by construction noise, when I feel I should accept and live with the situation, which is easier than the presenter’s situation.

Powerless guilt is part of the reaction. I think powerlessness is a reality that few individuals could handle effortlessly (sometimes I can). Guilt is something we can try to reduce.

— some examples that do not really fit the definition “like a glove”

  • eg: early sleep .. not powerless. I think at 11.30pm, I often feel the “zone” and the energy to go on, so I need better advance planning.

Availability^fullness: Hunger #supper

Posted on by tiger40490

All of the efforts in calorie restriction, weight mgmt… has one key obstacle — hunger. The sensation of hunger, while simple on the surface, is actually quite complex. From decades of self-observation I have concluded  that my hunger depends on ..

— AA) it depends on the homeostatic hunger + physical fullness of stomach for one hours after a meal (or 2-3 hours after a huge meal). This fullness is 90% calorie-based. Fiber (+ expanding chia) fullness is short-term (therefore less effective) in my psychophysiological system.

So this initial period is “protected” by the physical fullness, protected from the hunger sensation. After the initial period (which is 90% of the waking hours), my stomach is physically neither full nor extremely empty [1]. Under these conditions, my psychophysiological system often sends the hunger signal or the not-really-hungry signal. The deciding factor is often external to the digestive system.

In my diet period, my stomach is seldom 30% full before the warrior meal. Fullness is a missing protection.

Sudden change in daily workout level often has a noticeable effect on this hunger.

[1] when did I feel extremely empty? Basically never in my life. Perhaps a 48-hour fast would give me that experience.

— BB) my hunger depends 90% on availability … Daily battle.

  • For example, if I’m jogging, or cycling long distance, then 80% of the time I feel I can easily last a few hours without eating any solid food.
  • Another powerful example is my morning experience. Whether I have last eaten at 8pm or 1am, the morning stomach sensation is usually similar. The sensation depends mostly on availability.

Availability of unexpected enticing foods in a stash is particularly hard to manage.

—-
I would say AA and BB are fairly orthogonal, but the factors below are not.

c) My hunger increasingly depends on stress… eg: Mentally demanding work [such as work projects or coding] lead to stress that increases the effect of AA and BB, but even when I’m physically full, without lots of enticing foods visibly present, stress can creates the hunger signal almost out of thin air. This can happens when my stomach is physically half full or full, though seldom when it’s very full.

d) prolonged_separation from a particular food usually intensifies its attraction. This hunger-factor amplifies BB.

Again, no such effect when I’m very full.

i) a rare but revealing factor is sickness.

—

These factors interact. For example, in the face of mild temptations, an empty stomach would intensity the temptation.

Because of the Availability factor, my top guidelines for diet are

  • avoid the sight of food at the wrong time. Get away from family at dinner time
  • don’t eat when not hungry — easier said than done
  • delay meals as much possible. A form of intermittent diet
  • Before going to a place of temptation, try to fill the stomach. It is proven effective.
  • Before going home need to eat up to 90% and pray it is effective. 
  • Sometimes need to eat a regular hawker meal before going home.

Fiber, protein, chia seeds, … all target hunger, but they only target the “fullness”, and missed the elephant in the room i.e. Availability.

— my late-night big supper habit ..  Is it a wrong-time temptation? No I do feel hungry, even in the absence of food temptations. If no temptation, I tend to feel confident to cope with this hunger.

If not hungry but I still eat a high-calorie, heavy dinner, the next morning I can still get Really hungry ! This confirms my observation that calorie-induced (“genuine”) hunger is largely driven by timing, instead of calorie balance. Basically, the gap between the early dinner and the morning meal is too long.

The best thing to do is to refuse to eat anything if not hungry. Remove any temptation and resist.

warrior meal]ff|FC→minimal supper→compensate next morning

Posted on by tiger40490

Q: shall we work out, study or work in evening home office?

— Phobia … I have a real phobia to overcome. As of today, the (unexpected foods in) home stash is overpowering.
Every single win is a boost in my confidence. Remember [[edge of tomorrow]] and [[Independence Day]]

— What about a warrior meal in office, and avoid the late supper at home?
Given the superior control in office (superior to home), it is _logical_ to experiment with warrior meal in office, but now I am more realistic about the sustainable BMI effect. See eg@宝山battle over supper 

The office dinner need to be substantial to fend off the overwhelming temptation of unexpected foods in home stash. May increase overall calorie ! Worthwhile if builds my confidence over the phobia.

Q: What time?
A: 9pm, for a few days.
Q: what if not hungry by then?
A: can consider leaving later to win on “skip-supper” game
A: can consider a delayed and controlled supper, to win on “delay-supper” game, and also hit a better BMI reaching home.

Delay the starch or meats to the big dinner. Until then, have only fruits + veg.

— if unable to have the warrior meal in office, how about having it in food court, and avoid the later supper at home? Main benefit is to regain control over my appetite and self-confidence.
Even a half-starchy[1] outside meal builds my  confidence over the unexpected foods in home stash.

[1] congee, sweet potato .. are better than regular rice, bread etc. Office stash is far superior in terms of starch control.

— How early can I sleep? Aim at 11-11.30pm? Very challenging
Luckily, my family sleeps early and I never need to have intimacy at night.

— skip supper -> compensate the next morning?
Late night is the toughest time of the day, and in the morning I always feel stronger, more in-control. So it is logical to minimize supper to 300 Cal, and promise myself a compensation the next morning?

Morning in office is better than morning at home. Better control over the stash.

Delay 1st meal of each day … I think this priority has to be adjusted or sacrificed, to give me some wins. 27 Jan morning I had a big breakfast, but didn’t feel much of a win the last night.

2 stepUp,1 stepsDown !! self-hate #nightly battle

Posted on by tiger40490

k_Promethean_struggle

Bindi (Cigna counsellor) introduced this observation of all dieters. We take 2 steps forward (down) and one step back (up), like a dance. It happens to all dieters, and is normal part of life. Therefore, similar to yoga my goal is maintenance:

  • without effort, we will be 2 steps back, and no step forward
  • with effort, we would aim at 1 step forward, 1 step back.

jolt: I could hope to avoid this dance if no 10x hazard rate from unexpected enticing foods in home stash (or office free foods).

I gave her the example of brownie or cheesecake. I said I stay away from them for as long as I could. I feel strong in doing that. I still eat brownie, but very rarely. If too much freely available, I could open the floodgates and lose control.

I also told her every evening when going home I prepare for battle.

  • Are they part of a Daily Battle? Yes.
  • Are they deprivation? No. It’s self-control.
  • Are they a struggle? Yes, though we want to be comfortable with each Decision[Sys2 effort req’d]
  • Are they self-hate? No.
  • Are they life-enhancing and self-growth? They can be.
  • Are they a Promethean torture? No. More like a dance. Not really fun, but neither a torture.

We can’t control our environment as completely as I could in NY. [Even in the U.S. I did lose control when there was free food offered.], so we win some battles and lose some battles, like a dance. My batting average is not as good as in NY, where I had better control over the environment.

I told Bindi that when I decide to give in, I try to hold both of these reminders in my head:

  1. I take responsibility and decide when I lose control, for example at supper time. I used to blame my wife and mom for cooking too much. Bindi said there is some element of truth. Bindi said they could help by cooking less and removing the /leftovers/, although they are cooking for the family.
  2. I accept the consequence that the recent weight improvement would likely get wiped out. 2 steps forward, 1 step back. I also fight the bao3shan1 battle. The 10x hazard rate (from the unexpected enticing foods) lead to frequent loss of control. This level of failure is strongly correlated with the level of (overwhelming) availability.

Bindi echoed the earlier counsellor’s comment on self-compassion, whenever we lose the struggle, before or after the bao3shan1 battle.

I told Bindi that I would choose the latter of:

  • Choice 1: eat like others, and witness my healthy BMI deteriorate like my cohorts around me including CSDoctor, R.Xia
  • Choice 2: struggle with the Promethean daily battle , suffer setbacks, engage in the dance, and keep my BMI in green zone

put off demand`workload to night@home

Posted on by tiger40490

While I work on something “burning” like coding drill, QQ, localSys or work project, whether at home of in office, I forgive, permit myself to accept the appetite, which won’t feel out of control since I won’t try to control it.

Similarly, if I work out at home, I often feel justified to accept my appetite.

This practice might reduce the zsms, a potent and poisonous ingredient in the crucible/melting_pot that go by various names

  • appetite out of control
  • breach of my rule “no eating if not hungry”
  • losing control
  • powerless guilt
  • poor self-discipline, poor self-control

System2 workload n late night appetite #w1r1

Posted on by tiger40490

A G5 reason for the “out of control” appetite after 11pm [1] is System2 workload. For decades, I have found my System2 productivity highest sometime after 11pm. Nowadays, at least a few times a month I would find myself actively “working” at that time, and need an energy boost.

The out-of-control appetite is subconsciously related to the desire to capture the peak productivity.

System2 work is slightly similar to (probably much broader than) mental stress. The precise meaning of this jargon could be overwhelming and not worthwhile.

[1] Note even if I already finished dinner at 9pm, I could still feel this appetite (not “hunger” or “craving”) at 11pm.

— energy boost comfort foods .. Sugary, starch or nuts are often needed, whereas raw veg alone was seldom sufficient. However, it has proven worthwhile and crucial to complement the high calorie comfort foods with raw veg or fruits.

overeating: morning^midnight

Posted on by tiger40490

Update: strangely, the morning context is much easier. The appetite is less “out-of-control”.

Overeating means eating more than usual. No precise definition.

  • loss of control .. late-night overeating is bigger loss of control
  • restraint .. is what I need. In the morning, there are other family members around so I feel a semi-conscious restraint.
  • socially acceptable .. morning is less guilty. This factor is subconscious, subtle but powerful.
  • wrong-* temptation .. late night is worse
  • late-night overeating is followed by inactivity i.e. sleep 🙁
  • late-night overeating tends to delay my sleep, as I often feel a motivation to get some work done.

So let’s be more tolerant of over-eating in the morning 🙂

— one special scenario: power surge at night. Late-night overeating can be be justifiable.

G9 late-sleep diet tactics

Posted on by tiger40490

I have adjusted this blogpost for a few months and it is not effective. I need to review other blogposts!

Note if home food is irresistible, then i need to eat a LOT of veg/fruits/milkshake to 90% to go with the high calorie foods.

  • — some items for the “seasonal promotion”:
  • delay all meals. Fight the bao3shan1 battle. Don’t give up. As illustrated in proactive^passive acceptance , Don’t accept the “fate” that I will always be powerless against the leftover food. Postpone it as far as possible  and you may succeed in fending it off once a while.
  • — now the tactics
  • [n] box up all the home cooked food. The tcost is acceptable. This has proven to reduce the temptation and increase my chance of successful defense.
  • [n] reward my abstinence with ice cream and milkshake?
  • [n] keep lettuce pre-washed in fridge, as a (crazy) substitute for rice ! Newly discovered trick
  • [n] be ready to discard some foods
  • leave the home cooked food to the stressful hours, not before. Worried about sleep with a stomach filled? LG
  • maintain starch restriction with or without weight improvement. Strengthen it whenever feasible.
  • put away some of the left-over food in the fridge as early as possible. Pick the most tempting foods.[1]
    • Use big boxes if needed. Ask wife for smaller boxes, or buy them from provision shops
  • Sleep earlier. That’s the most obvious solution.
    • I think 10 times I sleep late, at least once and often 9 times I would end up eating more in the extra hours.
    • early sleep may induce morning hunger — more manageable than midnight hunger
  • Try not to perceive the late night supper habit as evil, or character defect. It has some positive elements. If we embrace it as part of the self, it could be easier to deal with. Negative perception may or may not be the best attitude.
  • [n=innovative]

— [1] If there’s no tempting food left, then just put everything in the fridge and reward yourself with ice-cream or something else!

This is such a easy win, but I tend to give it away and pay a high price in BMI !

—

Apparently, cooked veg, fish, meat may be bad stuff in BMI improvement, but I think they are better than starch and fat. Let us keep the current level and monitor.