Category: t_J4reflect

rename to t_j4reflection_tBudget

CSASS: quick life-evaluation #fulfilment

Posted on by tiger40490

k_Kahneman

My blogs feature many similar evaluations of my life. For them, a sound framework is the CSASS yardstick.

— the yardstick: “Imagine a ladder with steps numbered from zero at the bottom to ten at the top. The top of the ladder represents the best possible life for you and the bottom of the ladder represents the worst possible life for you. On which step of the ladder would you say you personally feel you stand at this time?” (Emphases are mine.) That’s how D.Kahneman introduced the CSASS [Cantril Self-Anchoring Striving Scale].

“The best/worst possible life” is always (to me) defined within a finite scope of possible lives. I feel the majority of the respondents (at least for my cohort) interpret the yardstick not as self-evaluation in isolation, but in comparison with other people of the time[1] in familiar countries. I don’t know Latam/African nationals so I can’t include them in my scope.

As explained in liv`with chronic conditions: wellbeing by xpSelf^rmSelf, most folks only does a quick-n-dirty evaluation once in a blue moon. (Intellectual writers like me and grandpa spend far more time, but we are a tiny minority.) Even if we try to be thorough and objective, the CSASS score would never be objective.

— (experienced) well-being^ fulfilment [satisfactory life]

Some respondents may say the question specifically asks how “I FEEL at the moment” i.e. experienced well-being, but to most respondents, this evaluation is more about fulfilment over “my entire life”, with lots of long-term effects of previous life events. Therefore, as Kahneman pointed out, this is all about the rmSelf, not the xpSelf.

  • eg: ill-health .. Kahneman pointed out (and I agree) some forms of ill health have a much stronger effect on experienced wellbeing than on rmSelf’s life evaluation.
  • .. however, liv`4decades with chronic conditions mentions that paraplegics have a normal experienced wellbeing but poor fulfillment. I think the difference is that paraplegics go through a painful adaptation and learn to live with a stable disability and become fairly healthy.
  • eg: healthy longevity .. (or the prospect thereof) is important to my evaluation and to my rmSelf, but not to my cohort.
  • eg: Education .. is one example factor Kahneman gave of high impact on the rmSelf’s life evaluation but possibly low impact on the xpSelf’s wellbeing. Kahneman said the more educated often report higher stress in experience sampling. I feel exclub[FOMO] is a big factor to both the rmSelf’s evaluation and the xpSelf’s wellbeing. The more educated are likely to work in highly paid jobs and have higher academic expectations of their kids… the highly-educated exclub. Their self-evaluation is likely to be dominated by peer comparison.
  • eg: academic kids .. weighs heavy in many Chinese mothers’ fulfilment and self-evaluation of life, but has lower impact for other parents. It is becoming slightly less impactful on my xpSelf.
  • eg: blogg system (dhost etc) .. has a huge impact on xpSelf but probably not much on rmSelf’s evaluation.

[1] We don’t compare with our grandparents. For some of us, we don’t even compare with our relatives 20Y older or 20Y younger.

[20]G5 Personal advtg Revealed over15Y

Posted on by tiger40490

rmXp?

def@success?

life chances?

k_tectonic

See also

Past title — How many percent of my peers have my {…}

I also have many personal disadvantages (like…) but this analysis doesn’t have to include them for completeness. For years I was fixated on my weaknesses, hoping to overcome my limitations, but at my age now I’m more willing to accept them (Kyle Stewart) and shift focus to my advantages.

— top 5 personal advantages revealed over 15Y.

  • #1 [bcL] my continuous, self-driven learning habit … since secondary school, rare personal advantage. See related advantages below
  • .. [r] see library immersion ] younger years
  • #2 [Lr☆] my burn rate best practices … rare personal advantage. See other cash flow advantages below
  • .. my expense tracking insights + capabilities
  • #3 [bdr☆] my wellness .. a growing advantage over my cohort
  • — The rest are not strictly “personal” advantages
  • #4 [bLr★] SG citizenship advantages .. See ## SG citizenship: $value imt GC
  • #5 [r] stable marriage… Note having 2 kids is not an “advantage” but a luck.

“Revealed” — because some these advantages slowly reveal themselves to be strategic and extremely valuable

“Advantage” — because everyone is trying to achieve (roughly) the same goals. Only the [c] items are competitive in nature.

— Other advantages, not strictly personal or “revealed over 15Y”

  • [Lr] English .. My English skills esp. in writing and vocab — helps my career, kids but more important is reflective blogging.
  • [c] my robust career prospect; my competitiveness on my chosen job market
    • [cr] Here my advantage lies mostly in candidate selection, less in after-sales
    • [b] my dev-till-70 plan — just a plan, but a major difference in attitude
    • [bd★] my WSC option — a rare option among my peers outside U.S.
    • [bcd] my position in coreJava / c++
    • [r] I feel some of the hands-off managers don’t realize my advantage until their 40’s.
  • [bcd] my Beijing asset .. or a property with a similar valuation
  • [bL★] tropical .. my home base in a tropical place, good for retirement.
  • — the minor, the familiar, or the less-specific items
  • [c★] UChicago .. branded degree from a global G50 college
  • [bd★] FullerWealth .. my bare-bones ffree based on FullerWealth, NNIA, brbr
  • [br★] 5/wk .. my current 5/wk workout. If sustainable, this factor would have a real impact on my successE and successZ
  • [] diet .. recent habit/attitudes
  • my (recent) family harmony, with my beautiful wife, lovely kids and grandparents. This is relative. Some friends are luckier, but other people experience major conflicts. Divorce is the biggest _injury_.
  • [bd] my current carefree job with plenty of leisure time
  • [d] my straight and healthy teeth
  • —
  • [b=let’s ask those with relatively high branks like Siddesh]
  • [c=competition goal is for some limited resources]
  • [d=active detachment needed]
  • [L=long-term advantage over 20Y+]
  • [r=slowly revealed]
  • [★☆= this (★=measurable) advantage disqualifies my cohort, definitively by half or more.]

 

roti@blogg ^J4reflect ^aboutOth

Posted on by tiger40490

The t_aboutOth, J4reflect and rotiOfBlogg help me locate first-aid ideas. The J4reflect is focused on the first-aid.

These ideas help me defend my habits (blogging habit and reflective habit). Overlap? Normal, to be accepted.

  1. t_aboutOth .. usually about need4reflect
  2. roti@blogg .. is not always a j4. Often about micro-optimizing ROTI
  3. j4reflect/vidicate4reject/need4reflect .. may Not be blogg …. and not about roTi. Often an evidence that proves the value/need for reflective thinking.

 

introspective self-coaching #CignaEAP

Posted on by tiger40490

k_quietime

eg: I told boy to analyze past mistakes. The analysis is not fun. It takes lots of absorbency. Only a small percentage of students can do it effectively. Most students won’t “pay” enough System2 attention to undergo this “self-help” analysis.

eg: Xmas2021 8am: studying similar incidents and really learn the lesson. I think this introspective study on past mistakes is not easy for me.

eg: (main Example):
Most of the resources the Cigna counsellor sent me by email are self-help resources, and require long-term effort on my own, including reading, reflection, rephrasing, revisiting a few probing, introspective questions, published self-questionnaires and journaling.

It’s a lot of WORK. Most people (to some extent, myself) are way too busy or untrained to dwell on those long-winded, often academic questions.  That includes my wife.

I would say reading those resources is like listening to music whereas blogging is like creating music, exploring, experimenting. Reading is like eating; whereas blogging is like differentiating various foods and and experimenting with them.

I think this counsellor really listened and he repeated his suggestion for the I-statement, including the positive I-statements. These suggestions are very direct, rather than vague.

Q from David: what do you need for self-care?
%%A: plenty of quietime and personal space. Wife needs it too. Perhaps I can free her up once a while?
%%A: blogging on many topics
%%A: I feel the hunger for meaningful conversations, with a real listener

Q from David: hypothetically, what would it be like if father-son relationship had improved sufficiently?
A: more outing trips [shopping, workout,,,]
A: more chats, like the general knowledge chats .. achieved in 2022
A: If I want more physical touch but he doesn’t like it, then I want him to explain it in more words. So I can learn and adjust my gestures.

— contrast to a medical procedure…

Ultimately the individuals (me or my son) needs a real improvement in understanding of the self [priorities, limitations, fears, biases..] and take consistent, long-time actions to gradually change his own perceptions, his explanatory style (often System1), his self-talk /SMS/, his habits, .. My reflective blogging is the best demo.

Introspective, reflective insight is invaluable and instrumental in these “self-help” scenarios. By and large, most individuals don’t have the analytical power, the motivation, the System2 mental energy required. All the advice received could be forgotten.

On 31 Dec 2021, I picked up 3 self-help books to help myself on intimacy issues. I found some relevant chapters, some useful pointers, but I can see the real challenge is the internal change. Reading something is easy, low impact, and potentially waste of time. I hope I can re-read to reinforce the message.

Similar to smoking cessation, diet, slow-speaking .. the internal change is often a life-long adaptation, or life-long struggle against repeated relapses.

Below are two exceptions that prove the rule that self-help is the only way to higher ground, because you can’t hire a counseller like a full-time maid.

— (repetitive)blogg is more valuable than self-help resources or counselling

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/w3cswrk0 is a Why-factor production on self-help industry. The seminars, counselling, self-help …  these External input can open our eyes, point out our blind spots and suggest new directions. I do agree “Seek help when needed.” but that’s the initial step. The _hard_ bit is sticking to the golden advice over the years, through ups and downs. It depends mostly (99%) on self effort.

In almost all of the areas of interest to me, self-diagnosis, self-discovery, self-talk, self-care, … is 100 times more important than external help.

  • eg: addiction cessation like smoking, alcohol
  • eg: more workout, less over-eating
  • eg: curiosity searches to be warehoused
  • eg: anger management
  • eg: tolerance/restraint in spouse communication
  • eg: spouse communication

— life coach .. I see myself as a motivated “kid”. The most reliable, dedicated (not the most supportive/efficient/insightful) life coach is myself. This life coach will never give up on the kid (me). My therapeutic blogging is the purest form of self-coaching. Highly repetitive, but that’s the fundamental nature of any coaching. My writing is not as formal as self-counseling, and I don’t prefer the generic and vague term “self-help”.

Repeated SMS is a basic part of behavior change, whether through blogging or external influence. Cognitive therapy.

def[ focusing_effect ] ≠ focus_illusion #BGC

Posted on by tiger40490

k_X_focusing_illusion .. k_my_adapted_jargon

Focusing_effect tends to exaggerate the importance/impact/influence of whatever comes under the /magnifying_glass/. The above description of focusing_effect is 80% similar to the Focusing_illusion defined in [[thinking, fast and slow]]. Due to the subtle differences, I don’t want to be shackled by the existing definition. However, the header keyword will continue to use the well-known focusing_illusion

The commonplace advice “focus on the positive” .. often works exactly due to the focusing_effect

— special vocab .. In many cases, without focus we simply don’t recognize something subtle, something vague.

In my blogg experience, I often needed a vocabulary [including power phrases] as a focus lens to recognize a pattern. The best-known example might be the vocab in [[thinking, fast and slow]] — rmSelf^xpSelf, System1^2. I also created my own vocab (see also blogg→ life evaluation →more satisfactionS)

— eg: the BGC title delay is no big deal until we focus on it.
eg: comparable example is Jill’s cases. Simpler because no “next step”.
In both examples, I enjoyed a carefree comfort zone until I focused on “it”.
— eg: until I became fixated on college ranking, I didn’t care so much about _MY_ UChicago/NUS branding. Now I feel this obsession is not healthy, but it has some positive effects [satisfaction, self-esteem]
— eg: self-discipline .. in kids and adults. My dad and I have superior SD. My sis had less SD. Therefore, I tend to exaggerate SD, even though SD is actually rather important to my son.
Personal initiative .. a similar story. I tend to exaggerate its importance in my son.
— eg: youth addictions … I tend to focus on tobacco, alcohol and drug. I think many Chinese parents agree on the impact, but still we tend to exaggerate the impact to some extent.
— eg: yoga .. focus on and exaggerating the importance of flexibility
— eg: (one of the earliest examples) Mark deMunk said that when he lost his front teeth, he would focus on other people’s front teeth and notice many minor defects (exaggerating)
(An even earlier example) one of my Catcha colleagues (Indonesian) experienced early hair loss in his 20s, and he joked that he now tended to focus on other men’s hair (exaggerating)

==== The opposite effect is crucial though there is no catchy phrase for it. When we don’t focus enough on something, we fail to realize how important it actually is, until much later. One example is healthy longevity. A smaller example is career longevity.

eg: perfect life.. I used this phrase at the 92S27 reunion. In 2018, I started feeling very comfortable with my carefree ezlife. Until I focused on it, I didn’t feel /blessed/. Grandpa called it 知足, a rare state of mind.

 

tricky discussion: mail^chat^f2f

Posted on by tiger40490

For the intimacy issue, there’s no easy medium, so I have to pick from imperfect choices.

The best time to discuss intimacy is the “down time” when the couple are free from most baggage. Any emotional baggage about anything could /interfere/ with an honest discussion, esp. if one side has a deep aversion to this very topic.

— mail

  • 👍 record-keeping, much better than chat
  • .. I can and do follow up
  • .. I can resend and ask her to respond
  • .. can integrate with blog
  • 👍 I’m far less verbose cf chat
  • 👍 I’m less emotional, much better than chat
  • 👍 she is less turned off, much better than chat
  • 👍 I am effective in expressing my opinion, even simple sentences
  • .. esp. good for complex ideas
  • 👍 she has breathing space to respond, esp. when she’s not in the mood
  • 🙁 she rarely replies

— f2f .. good for short-n-sharp

  • 👍 interactive and clarifying .. I can hear her response, sometimes very important
  • 👍 paralanguage .. effective release of my frustration
  • 🙁 hard to get her to commit to a serious discussion time

— chat

  • 20% interactive as benchmarked to f2f
  • 🙁 I hate typing on phone/wechat
  • 🙁 once I start, I tend to neglect the gross inefficiencies of chat

##def[WinUp]: unavoidable persistent annoyanceS

Posted on by tiger40490

k_X_power_descriptor

A winup problem is, similar to the windowsUpdate problem, AA) recurring BB) without simple and reliable solution CC) without alternative routes DD) irritating to ME more than it irritate others. As such, these problems are esp. annoying, smelly and stress-inducing

This blogpost collects a few challenges sharing some common characteristics, without deriving fruitful insights. I hope in the future we will see some fruits.

For the original winup problem, the only solution I found so far is landGrab. I felt silly to spend hours setting up the tools to support landGrab. zsms! The zsms is annoying to say the least.

— accept the imperfect:  spending “excessive” (poorly defined) hours on winup or the windows license expiration is worse than accepting nagging popup reminders.

Life is never perfect, esp. with these new technologies and devices.

— coding drill .. AA/BB/CC
I feel CSY’s view on coding practice is similar in that he probably feels silly to spend months on it, but he just couldn’t find any better solution to this huge and immediate problem.

Insight — accept the reality that this obstacle won’t go away. Be prepared for a life-long struggle. If you don’t give up you will become stronger than the majority because they don’t take on such a problem.

insight — accept yourself that you are more affected than other people. You could say you are more vulnerable on this front.

In contrast, Deepak has a positive attitude. Some may say that over 3 years, Deepak won’t improve to get ahead of CSY, but who are we to judge. Life is full of surprises. Deepak will improve as long as he keeps up the practice, and someday he will get lucky.

In theory, someone who doesn’t practice can also get lucky, but I don’t believe it. This is my bias towards hard work. Luck favors the deligent like Deepak

Actually, my windowsUpdate situation is better than CSY’s situation, becasue I have a working solution.
— deep-dive QQ interviews for Deepak… CC/AA/BB. Deepak hit this type of interviewer repeatedly and he loses his cool. He tends to focus on the personality rather than the style and the selectivity of screening.
— driving .. CC/BB/AA. When living in the U.S. Driving is a big, unavoidable problem. I will choose to live in walkable communities with subway.
Some women drivers are more scared than me, and only drives on local streets.

The non-driving lifestyle in Beijing, SG (perhaps HK) is half relevant.
— long commute in NY area .. BB/CC
— WordPress block editor.. BB/CC
— disposable batteries: family mindless buying .. not a “big” annoyance

[18] Spare time usage while living with family, again

Posted on by tiger40490

Q: If I live with family how much of my spare time will go to kids?
%%A: Experience shows 50% – 80% (unscientific)

Q: Did I spend my spare time on the wrong things? I am keenly aware of such mistakes. I would say as a student (and interview preparation) I was exceptional in terms of spending spare time on the right things.

Right after MSFM I felt such relief n freedom but soon that huge amount of spare time was absorbed by …?

I analyzed, even recorded, my spare time % usage during Mac days.

–Xp on Sep 2018 trip

  • Blogging
  • Preparation for outing.
  • “Outing” after dinner with kids? 1.5 – 3H
  • Family laptop set-up? 3-6 hours
  • Mandatory visits.. not only dental and cholesterol
  • Help boy with math? 5-10 hours
  • Repairs… not only luggage, fan …
  • Met Raymond for 3H
  • Two polyclinic visits + discussions ? 5-10 hours