Category: t_J4reflect

rename to t_j4reflection_tBudget

##gain` traction+vision {years@envy P1

Posted on by tiger40490

k_bedBug_wisdom  k_tectonic

See also ##GordianKnot Cutters

Need a better title. Old title: “##gain` traction+vision {years@envy”, showing

  1. Gaining (temporary) vision after years of shooting in the dark
  2. Gaining (temporary) traction after years of spinning the wheel

This blogpost grew to become /unwieldy/, so I split it to a sister blogpost on wellness+finance

  • [c = even a SINGLE effective strategy / tactic would put me above the clueless majority]
  • [m = I or someone can teach a class like the master class run by the Value-Investing or e-commerce gurus ]
  • [r = reflective writing proved instrumental]
  • [e = I envied for years, until I figured out some secrets, and now becoming the envy of others ]
  • [t = reached a decisive turning point]
  • [h = hidden barrier]

—- [c] eg: boy’s math coaching… My vision secret? put aside benchmarks and try to increase his intrinsic motivation by 1%. Possibly insignificant (I don’t think so). Definitely better than nothing.
—- eg: secure foothold in the U.S. the land of opportunities. Gaining traction year after year. I am reaching my turning points steadily. Last one was my priority date becoming current.
—- eg: find a women good enough, who likes me. Turning point was 2005.
—- [] eg: underfucked for years
My traction secrets? intimacy calendar. See https://btv-open.dreamhosters.com/47636/21-jan-counselling/
—- [ct] eg: ROTI family outing — The tcost of outing was prohibitive. ROTI was always underwhelming if 5H+
My traction secrets? jogging
—- [cmr] eg: bedbugs — some consider them as untreatable. My vision secret? See bedbug heuristics:where, how many,spreading speed,weekly check
—- [ch] eg: use paper as /dashboard/ — more effective than technologies
hidden barrier of effectiveness: access .. paper is far more accessible in writing or display
—- [chm] eg: mosquito .. screen is economical, durable. Additional traction secret: avoid tear at the edges.
hidden barrier of effectiveness: inconvenience.. The suction lamp takes 10% of the effort of other solutions.
—- 1169 main door too heavy and need 3 magnets… My vision secret? friction pad underneath the door is cheaper, far easier to install (no drilling) and more effective
—- [h] door closer detachable middle rod ..
hidden barrier and vision is the tilting angle… when too sloped, it would rub hard on the top surface of the swinging door, and cause a growing problem.
—– [] hair drooping over forehead .. I always had to visit a barber. My vision secret? This part grows faster than all other parts, so I could cut it short by myself.

===== as student
—- [et] improve English vocab and aim to have enough to express myself in writing and carry a conversation
—- [et] improve English listening and aim to follow BBC radio
In terms of listening, this goal is harder because the other person can’t slow down and repeat for me.
—- [et] earliest defining example: Chinese compo — My “traction” secrets to start gaining traction?

  • Use as many nice phrases as possible to describe details;
  • Develop sufficient vocabulary to describe vague or complex sentiments
  • free-flow writing

Is this a defining eg of “traction”? Yes.

===== career
—- [hmt] eg: java (and c++) IV stardom — Is this a defining eg of “traction”? Yes.
My traction secrets? I failed many interviews until I found out what valuable questions to focus on

C++ journey was more winding. My traction required more interviews and easier interviews.

HFT c++IV are still too hard.

hidden barrier: need to impress the interviewers in some tech domain
—- WallSt-pro status — achieved in 2010 after GS.
My traction secrets? not GS trec, not dnlg, but java IV skill !
—- [ce] tech career longevity — against churn. We all envy the doctors.
My vision secrets? I found a “way” to this goal, via WallSt contract market
—- [et] c++ IV, and c++/java combo — envied for years those who can pass C++ interviews. This battle is much harder and longer than the java battle. My traction secret? Here are some

  • bet on the topics. Go skin-deep [1] on a wide (wider than java?) range of paper-tiger topics, but go deeper on several core topics. See c++11,sockets,IPC in QnA IV #Ash.S
    • [1] earlier I overspent myself on too many secondary topics.
  • Use HFT c++ interviews as training only; count successes only at Type1 and Type3 c++ interviews. Focus on outscoring the competition at these easier contests.

 

##hidden barrier #AMB,BMI,

Posted on by tiger40490

k_Promethean_struggle

Barriers are sometimes /insurmountable/ until you identify/perceive them. Once you focus on a barrier, it may become a smaller barrier.

For the below examples, the barrier is internal and hard to identify. It requires some self-knowledge, self-discovery. The struggle, the endeavor is self-mastery, self-motivation.  (The two posts on traction/vision show _other_ hidden barriers. )

— hidden barrier: expRatio .. prevented me from achieving the SP500’s return for many years. Another “hidden barrier” is the unknown fact that no other stock market is nearly as strong as the U.S.

== learning skills
— hidden barrier: boy’s academic motivation .. all the “helps” are insufficient and often unrequested.
In 2021 boy actually requested tuition help on math.

In P1, boy’s English spelling for 10 words .. until he had the will, even 3 hours were insufficient
— hidden barrier: grandpa learning computers .. I guess the barrier is not so invisible.
— coding drill .. for many people in my cohort, spare time is not that scarce. There’s some partially hidden barrier such as lack of positive feedback or progress.
I wrote to Sophia Cui about the 996 work hours…
== wellness examples
— BMI .. See BMI 进步=harder]SG despite my low-starch, raw veg/fruit, smoothie diet, I still hit some hidden barrier
— flossing .. somehow, I am unable to floss 100 times in 6M, due to some hidden barrier
One hidden barrier is convenience.. see https://btv-open.dreamhosters.com/16627/brushingflossing-frequency-beats-duration/
— 5/wk workout .. most individuals in my cohort couldn’t achieve it due to some hidden barrier. Time, motivation are the visible obstacles. One hidden barrier is unrealistic target.
— yoga self practice .. hidden barriers could be

  • Not accepting easy stretches. Pushing myself too hard. No joy. Not sustainable.
  • I don’t notice any progress .. Promethean struggle

Bullets firing into an invisible barrier

blogg@availability≈@parent`,gz, QQ

Posted on by tiger40490

As I transition from a livelihood-driven to wellness-driven life, one of the key focuses and priorities is BMI, which includes

  • Promethean struggle
  • daily battle
  • L@ctrl
  • availability .. the umbrella phrase I will use in this title

These are real problems, real pains. My blogging and analysis is finally paying dividends. Now I realize that this domain deserves more /sunshine/, more laser energy, comparable to blogging on

  • parenting
  • gz
  • QQ and coding drill

Powerless_Guilt #room4improve #w1r2

Posted on by tiger40490

k_X_power_descriptor

Powerless guilt is a form of self-hate. Powerless against the human limitations . (Powerless against external limitations is NOT a defining feature of this pattern, though external adversities are omnipresent.)

The antidote is perception of reality, compassion, empowering the self to defend the guilty charge. In this blogpost I’m trying to make the concept less vague. Am working on it and there’s no hurry.

— some patterns

  • s=some imaginary, superhuman standard, apparently based on some hearsay role model like the 70mile guy.
  • L=For now, I’m unable to overcome the inertia or low-energy mood and reach a satisfactory level of self-mastery. The obstacle might be internal or external, but they contribute to a sense of powerlessness.
  • spiral .. the more I feel powerless about it, the more I become fixated on it… dark energy spiral. See the defining eg below.
  • self-hate, self-loathing, self-contempt, pain.
  • absorbency and “burn” is a frequent feature
  • fixation .. I tend to focus too much on the room4improvement, the gap below the imaginary standard. The fixation leads to pain.
  • .. We need more realistic targets like I had with daily yoga. Note that walk, jog, cycle, basketball … require speed to be effective workout. Yoga can be slow.

— actual trigger eg: As self-judge, I have reached a verdict that I am not spending enough time with my son, not sacrificing enough, as compared to other parents or some imaginary standard. However, at the moment, that imaginary standard is so unreachable that the only reaction is powerless guilt.

Boy’s level of motivation is still lower than some imaginative standard (perhaps myself at that age?) This perception, together with his bmark performance, create a toxic lake, a breeding ground for self-hate and …

I feel guilty not “helping” him enough to grow his motivation.

— defining eg: masturbation in my teenage years
— classic eg (since teenage years): diet
— eg (not really classic?): exercise self-discipline
I would say yoga and pull-up are two classic examples. See Am I improving ] yoga@@ #Jess
— eg: coding drill like x problems a week
— eg: localSys xx .. extrinsic mtv is ineffective
— eg: OC-effectiveness .. (and brank) feeling guilty not trying harder. I might be able to learn (model someone), grow, but I have reached conclusion on the effort/reward.
— eg: irritation by nearby noise… In a Suntec exhibition, I remember a Microsoft roadshow presenter was annoyed by a nearby stage performance featuring random explosions. These attention-grabbers stole his thunder or distracted his audience. As an audience of his presentation, I told myself that if I were him I should accept the exhibition environment. However, nowadays I also get irritated by construction noise, when I feel I should accept and live with the situation, which is easier than the presenter’s situation.

Powerless guilt is part of the reaction. I think powerlessness is a reality that few individuals could handle effortlessly (sometimes I can). Guilt is something we can try to reduce.

— some examples that do not really fit the definition “like a glove”

  • eg: early sleep .. not powerless. I think at 11.30pm, I often feel the “zone” and the energy to go on, so I need better advance planning.

##blog▲▼read: parenting, Buddhism,,#学而不思

Posted on by tiger40490

For years I believed I need to spend more time reading/learning than thinking/blogging. However, now I believe there are important 学而不思-prone areas where that belief doesn’t apply. This blogpost uses examples to illustrate the principle that oftentimes, we need ThinkMoreReadLess.

Other titles: ThinkMoreReadLess, BlogMoreReadLess..

I advocate “read less” mostly due to Diminishing return. If you read more you are likely to end up 学而不思, not because of laziness.

— earliest example: parenting… a well-defined domain, where _applying_ is more important than learning
See my 2019 blogpost t-effi: blogg^facetime,思而不学
— Eg: Buddhism teaching .. is a very specific and well-defined domain, where practicing is more important than reading
Suppose you learn, say, 20 high-level (or 100 detailed) guidelines and memorize them, share them with friends and family. In contrast, I only learn a one high-level guideline (with a few detailed guidelines) and try to practice them in my daily life. Serious “practice” is a struggle, with lots of thinking, blogging, discussing. I don’t read much since I focus on one guideline only.
— Eg: /selfcare/ [motivation, anger, anxiety, ] .. blogging is more important than reading new content. There are thousands of books but we may need to read only 1 or 10.
Many people use chat, email, self-talk as alternatives, but I find blogging more powerful and in-depth
— Eg: mgmt, interpersonal communications, assertiveness, leadership (vague) .. _applying_ is more important than reading. I have bought or borrowed many books and read many ..
— eg: reduce inactivity .. (active living) practicing is more important than learning. However in this domain there are not many books

all-green @a computer: unhealthy idealism

Posted on by tiger40490

 

k_detach .. k_all_green_dashboard

Genesis .. BigBrother was a system monitoring tool I used in 2001-2003. I remember it says if any system component has an issue, you will see some red or amber . If you find yourself in a sea of green then you are very lucky, but it probably won’t last forever. Similarly, we should feel lucky-for-now if any laptop is all-green

  • no serious windows/MSOffice activation issue
  • no browser crash
  • wifi stable
  • printing OK

Detach .. Don’t develop an unhealthy dependency on all-green. It can disappear any time. Like perfection, all-green is not as important as it appears. In fact, all-green could develop into all-deep-green, a unhealthy obsession with minor imperfections.

— wear-n-tear .. a new laptop can progressively lose the all-green.  For example, A95 hit “slow-start” .. see A95: issues #all-green

Trying hard to eliminate any of the above [like demanding a 1-minute start-up ] is unhealthy idealism, even if it is achievable. After trying for a while, I choose to give up and allocate my time to bigger battles.

— pre-owned .. Some pre-owned laptops have delivered all-green service for quite a while, such as the $120 CashConverter and the $250 Dell

— j4 multiple laptops .. Since all-green is rare, having multiple machines would increase the chance of having at least one all-green when needed.
— J4 low-cost laptops .. When a laptop starts giving too many headaches, I would simply buy another (pre-owned?) laptop and enjoy an all-green honeymoon.

jolt: even with an expensive laptop 3 times the price, its all-green honeymoon won’t last 3 times longer.

— current all-green laptops:
* HP71
* L360

 

wins+control@appetite ]BayonneHome

Posted on by tiger40490

One big reason I can’t accept the appetite on rampage is the 2018-19 winning experience. I think it’s important to focus on the recent winning experiences and not to focus on the recent losing experiences. I told the counselor that perhaps 2018 was so positive because I had a string of wins which created a positive feedback loop for more wins. Jolt: Actually I had many wins 2020-21 [1], but not in BMI !

The so-called “control” and “wins” in Bayonne was a theory to explain the BMI reality. They are perceptions (perhaps illusions) built on one pillar — my improving BMI.  In reality, compared to now, I had a similar number of control failures, if you count the office free foods, the ice creams, the starchy foods.

The real reason for the unheard-of BMI improvement? I am becoming less and less sure and more and more skeptical, but I guess my overall calorie intake was well-controlled, due to one huge factor (the elephant in the room) — I had full control over my home stash, so there was no unexpected enticing foods. When I give in to the appetite, I had effective damage control.

[1] now compared to Bayonne, I eat more cooked veg thanks to my lovely wife. I sometimes suspect that cooked veg has more calories than raw veg. Now I believe there’s insufficient evidence.

##more spare time can”Buy”me__ #XR

Posted on by tiger40490

Now spare time is scarce, but in retirement, spare time would be too much.

k_soul_search

See also

XR described to me that (lack of) spare time means so much to him — coaching his son on Chinese; coding drill; personal investment; … However, if he is given 50 hours of spare time, can he be productive in those 50 hours or just 5 hours?

update as of Oct 2020: My Spare time was more scarce esp. during UChicago days. Now I have a rare lifestyle with more spare time, so now I believe most people including XR would not be productive if given this much spare time.

Original title: What can more spare time including leaves “buy”me? Answer:

  • lower-body flexibility; cardio fitness
  • more therapeutic, reflective blogging
  • more (productive or fun) time with kids
  • more QQ and coding drill?
  • slightly more exploration of local codebase on my own, without time pressure.
  • more wellness research, for self-care and teaching my kids. Parents spend a lot of time talking to kids about wellness.
  • more calls to Beijing
  • Spare time did buy me lots of blogg→evaluation@life→more satisfactions

However, limiting factor is not only spare time (like O2) but absorbency:

  • insufficient absorbency for localSys
  • insufficient absorbency for jogging, stretch
  • insufficient absorbency for coding drill

Jolt: Before I scold ah-boy about his absorbency deficiency, look in the mirror.

def[semi-highflyers] #c++IV rockstar

Posted on by tiger40490

— update Xiong.Zou .. I only spoke to this fellow c++ de for a few minutes. He struck me as an interview rock star, similar to Venkat and Henry.Wu.

Because I care so much about my c++IV, I am very quick to classify fellow c++dev as “above or below” me. For the huge gap in my actual knowledge about a person, I let my _imagination_ fill in the details.

How about successE [cashflow ground, family harmony, wellness, WLB]?  I don’t need higher income, given my successE.

k_tectonic k_X_FOMO_v_livelihood .. k_semi_kai3mo2

See also

Over the decades, I have been held hostage by the envy for these groups of individuals

  1. MNC managers, OC-effective, like HY.Cai, YY.Tao, K.A #sinking
  2. c++ (and web2.0) interview rock stars
  3. start-up rock stars like Zhu Jiang

As discussed in OC-effective: overrated, these three groups of high-flyers are not necessarily successful by ANY definition whatsoever. I call them SEMI-high-flyers or  questionable_Role_Model. They are good at that one game only. They don’t even make more money. If they do, their family Brbr is likely inferior to mine, and underwhelming in some cases.

Is there something in common among these groups? Well, introspectively, these are the biggest games I choose to play but not as well as they play. I felt so much envy exactly because I played seriously. In contrast, there are other games I chose to play but no longer so seriously:

  1. parents of academic kids
  2. owners of multiple properties
  3. husband of a beautiful (and thrifty) woman

However, I would point out a few games of higher “value”,  in terms of family livelihood and satisfaction with my life:

  • family harmony and resilience
  • healthy, resilient, motivated kids
  • healthcare provision — SG compares favorably with welfare states like Canada. See ##SG healthcare inflation Cushions #YJL. In contrast, majority of those semi-high-fliers are stuck with the expensive U.S. healthcare.
    • Other social safety nets — SG compares favorably
  • my own wellness and career longevity, as a major pillar for family livelihood.
    • other defensive, resilience measures for family livelihood as in [20] list@Protections — those semi-high-fliers are unlikely to have these.
  • brbr, FullerWealth (thanks to my nonwork income) — I suspect some of the semi-high-fliers are trapped on cashflowLowerGround, even if they have two incomes.
  • efficient, comfortable commute

I would say the (c++, algo or java) interview game is still worthwhile. I play for honor, for self-challenge, for self-growth, for confidence-building, for resilience.

put off demand`workload to night@home

Posted on by tiger40490

While I work on something “burning” like coding drill, QQ, localSys or work project, whether at home of in office, I forgive, permit myself to accept the appetite, which won’t feel out of control since I won’t try to control it.

Similarly, if I work out at home, I often feel justified to accept my appetite.

This practice might reduce the zsms, a potent and poisonous ingredient in the crucible/melting_pot that go by various names

  • appetite out of control
  • breach of my rule “no eating if not hungry”
  • losing control
  • powerless guilt
  • poor self-discipline, poor self-control