k_counsellor

— Complaint #2 screen time … family conflicts, academic impact … This is parents’ complaint, not boy’s complaint. Psychiatrists are not counsellors. They may refer us to counsellors but boy won’t come.

Q: 他说手机是他社交的工具，如果成绩下降了，没收他的手机几个月，对他的心理健康会影响吗？
AA: possible

Q: just how _dangerous_ are the family conflicts?
A: there are physical fights over the phone, at least 5 times a year. Family members also push each other during the wrestle. The probability of falling or hitting a sharp fixature is non-zero.

Boy needs screens to cope with stress or negative emotions. Without screen, he has multiple problems like anxiety…. Common among adolescents.

Boy needs alarm clock:

1. smartphone alarm. We said no.
2. rely on parents. This is unreliable and cause blame
3. How about alarm clocks? We bought many, but he said not effective.
4. Doctor suggested #2 if phone is unavailable.

We celebrated my son’s 15th birthday in early Aug 2023, but both the day before and the day after were possibly “dark days” in terms of confrontation with parents, mostly on the screen time front. Mom and Dad now have converging views on how much good and bad the smartphone has brought to him (mostly bad) but Yixin deeply feels his smartphone is essential for his social life and other things (too complex to describe).

His grades can be much better but now he studies only the last 1 or 2 days before an exam. If the exam is on Monday he may study after 11 pm on Sunday and spend most of the weekend hours on screens.

He complained about difficult subjects but doesn’t put in a lot of visible effort. What’s visible is screen time.. perhaps 80% of his home hours excluding meal and sleep time.

He is not really giving up on his exams, but he is making a rather minimal visible effort at this stage.

— Complaint 1: sleep, concentration, comprehension

Q: 这年龄的孩子每天需要多少的睡眠时间？
AA: min 8 hours

12点之前睡觉，是不是对他的身体比较好？
AA: yes since going into sleep at 12 would provide only 6.5H

Q: 他学习方面不可以专心是不是因为过度的screen time，没有充足的睡眠？
AA: more likely sleep-related

Q: my son believes 8H/day is good enough, even if he sleeps 3.30 am during weekends.

He has difficulty concentrating in class. He can’t follow the lesson.

— j4 this bpost:

Both HPB and CareCorner have seen us previously. A written form (with keywords) can help them prepare their case notes.

A written description is reusable across clinics, esp. email counselling.

The more specific you describe your problem the easier they can target their solutions.

It’s extremely expensive to bring all 3 of us in to see a counsellor. A more concise description is more efficient given the limited time in a session.

— multiple private centers as emergency “solacehost list”
When I’m overwhelmed and stressed out, I may need to set up an emergency session to clear my chest.

I had two recent calls with new counsellers — SOS and IMH hotlines. Unlike other “emergency callers”, I don’t mind repeating my story.

I told the NUS surveyors that

• my son has CGC, and doesn’t find other facilities suitable.
• my wife used EAP from China, CareCorner and now we are at CGC for frequent sessions
• I’m very lucky to have a bigger support network for my own mental health .. EAP, anonymous hotlines, private centers (with Cigna coverage). Like my mom, I need people to listen to me when in distress.

==== some clinics
Thank God for CGC and other clinics…

Sugg: suspend the CGC sessions and start new sessions at InsideOut. Boy can see CGC doctors if he is willing to. Once he stops seeing anyone at CGC, he can joins us at InsideOut. We can go back to CGC for psychiatric assessment since they have his record.

I feel each counsellor deserves a chance to adjust her approach based on my feedback. It’s harsh to abandon a counsellor without giving her the chance. This is esp. important for junior counsellors.

We are lucky to live in TPY, close to many mental health servicees.

— CGC/IMH has a team, perhaps the biggest team, and permanent record. I think any diagnosis could become stigma.

Advantages of CGC counselling

• counsellor has access to boy’s data and has seen him about 3 times.
• covered under boy’s insurance
• high frequency
• can see parents without boy

— InsideOut@TPY 9892 8337
— FSC (Blk 158 TPY 63561622)
— TOUCH