15) The difference in our self-discipline is going to affect our relationship. “now i slowly understand why u were not moving up in your work and earlier as a student. I don’t like this kind of people, like my sister, lazy students..” She said “yes i’m a lazy student”
20) she then burst out defending herself “so i can’t be a proper student unless i study 24 hours a day? … ” i argued back, not knowing this debate that just started was heading for an abrupt /ending/?/. Her final words — “i don’t think i did anything wrong.” Obviously (not so obvious then) she didn’t hear my real emphasis (growing tension etc). Forever she would remember the entire /episode/ as nothing more than tanbin’s criticism . Her style (unclear to me then) was “ignore whatever he says once i am done with my explanations”.
32) she lied down and became stubbonly silent as i spent 15 minutes in a /monologue/ describing “tolerance, patience” and “marriage is work, communication is work”. She covered her ears. I read it as /defiance/, /non-cooperation/ and /protest/.
41) i was scared about the /unvoiced/?/ feelings beneath her silence so i asked for her response, which didn’t come.
50) After what seems to be a long while, She said she only watched a bit of tv drama and didn’t commit a crime. Obviously (but not obvious then) she heard only the introduction part of my multi-part message — criticism. She blamed me for making such a fuss. i felt guilty about the fuss.
Guilt was the #1 power player in the entire /episode/. Unknowingly, I was constantly comparing myself to “better” husbands but the comparison only paralyzed me as i couldn’t follow their style. i felt guilty for lack of sympathy of her physical condition. i was scared that we might end the day feeling hurt on both sides. My reactions were too complex for my internal “control-tower” to handle. Overwhelmed. Slowly losing confidence and control.
65) she said repeatedly it was too late and she had to get up early. My position (unclear at that time) on this rests on 2 points — 1) several minutes, even 1 or 2 hours aren’t serious. 2) unresolved conflict will affect both persons’ sleep. However i was defending my position against repeated attack of guilt.
72) i felt i had opened a deep opening in my heart and was completely sincere trying to build a bridge “why u can’t show a bit of acknowledgement. it won’t take more than 5 min.” i felt ignored and hurt. but i also felt stupid/guilty for expecting too much from someone of her maturity. 对牛弹琴. Until now i don’t know if i was speaking /unintelligible/!/ Eng/Chinese or she refused to listen.
Looking back (unknown to me then), I think she didn’t want to listen. she just wanted me to stop, and she could sleep. I wouldn’t stop without some simple ackknowledgement which isn’t too much to ask for ??. Her top priority is a quick ending. My top priority was acknowledgement.
Unknown to me: Faced with difficult communications, my reaction is elaborate, verbose, sincere and open communication, bridge-building, opening up myself, reaching over… Her reaction is “explain myself once and leave it to fate. No need to reopen the topic.”
75) i suggested “can u take leave and we have a proper talk tonight?”. — i was seeing a growing seed of communication barrier..
81) finally the dam burst and she threw her temper and kicked me. i fell silent for a while (which is good) ….
Overall, despite my effort, i scored low for rp1