The megaworld title headache, late-2023 parenting headache, CAD, mid-2024 work stress,,, reveal that my current carefree ezlife is precarious indeed. See blogpost on mean time between failures.
CB2022 is a bigger jolt to my comfort zone. External dependency indeed. ZQBX indeed.
This is a heavily adapted email to my friend TJ.Lin, probably early 2023.
You asked
Q1: assuming you are living purely on your savings, and you are not worried about the savings, what is your worry?
I said that indeed I don’t worry about money , over the medium horizon. Yet I do feel my current carefree ezlife is fragile/precarious, possibly transient. The biggest fragile pillar is the MLP job (re CB2022), but deep down, I cherish my wellness + blissful family life more than MLP job or other things, so I have a subconscious attachment. I worry about losing my job, cashflow high ground,,,, less than I worry about losing my health or family. However, if I lose _any_ of these, I am confident that I would survive. Remember I told you about 自强不息? That’s how I will cope, and how I will work my way back to a positive, meaningful life.
You then asked a more fundamental question:
Q2: Is your current comfort zone [comfortable ezlife, bliss, utopia, carefree bubble, harmony, tranquility,,] guarded by external or internal forces?
I said that currently, I rely on external factors and feel overdependent, precarious and insecure. Factors like current job (heating up in 2024), wellness and family harmony (lost in late 2024).
I said that internal locus of control is possible and would be better. It would give me more independence , resilience, and self-reliance. Now I think the internal driving force is zqbx [自强不息]. In reality, a disaster [swan or misstep] is often too big (consider Christopher Reeve), but if your life were to go on, then you would eventually survive and rely on 自强不息. This human will can be more powerful than we could imagine.
The more we think about the external factors esp. the missteps/swans, the more we want to strengthen our shields.