k_counsellor  k_divorce

In my experience, SG gov + nonprofits provide effective counselling including legal. I don’t think any local governments in U.S. or China offer this level of “care” to their citizens, or I don’t know where to find such help. U.S. legal issues are exp. complex and frequent.

https://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/singapore/online-portal-support-couples-divorce-counselling-12505660 is an illustration of the Singapore nanny state government —

There are currently six Divorce Support Specialist Agencies in Singapore offering specialized programs for /divorcing/ and divorced families. Currently, couples with minor children who are unable to reach an agreement on divorce are required to attend a Mandatory Parenting Program (MPP), where counselors from Divorce Support Specialist Agencies help them better understand the practical issues of divorce. New *online* counselling sessions under the two-year pilot with Community Psychology Hub will be provided free of charge.

— resilience through community support
I keep this section in this blogpost (rather than other blogposts) because this particular government social support is a good example to illustrate a point.

I tend to rely on social support network, beyond family and friends. The SG nanny state offers this type of support .. important, valuable to me. Likewise, I also seek counselling support. I feel dependent, vulnerable and sometimes ashamed. However, “True resilience is accepting help” proclaims one resilient African woman in resilience #WhyFactor. For huge blows in my life, I think seeking help can be life-changing , even life-saving.

To survive a tough situation, we need action. Seeking help is action. When we seek help, we first describe[1] our situation. Then we listen with pain, with focus, with an open mind, sometimes with energy (often exhausted), with motivation to relieve the pain or save the ship . This motivation is probably the key factor for the high success rate when resilient individuals seek help.

I feel other victims (i use this word loosely here) may dismiss as ineffective any “social support network” from government, non-profit, community counselling, religious organizations, self-help groups etc. These victims feel the “outsiders” don’t understand the situation in detail, don’t spend enough time. I think these outsiders actually want to help and some of them do have time, but the victims must put in a huge effort as described earlier. The biggest effort is not from the helpers but the victims.

Some victims may rely on family and friends, which may not be more effective than social support. Family and friends may lack experience, and may have their hands full due to their own personal/family difficulties. Sometimes a support network is better /resourced/.

Other victims don’t seek help at all, perhaps due to no-hope. Some victims may feel strong, but actual result is, their failure rate is higher than people like me who readily seek help. They break, they suffer, they sink their ship and they bring down their families with them. No they are not resilient !

Back to the theme of this blogpost. In SG I have sought “social support” several times and I always felt cared for [1]. I don’t feel the same in the U.S. where I can only call local friends and family members overseas.

[1] One early challenge I faced was describing my pains in English. This is one of the biggest challenges for non-English speakers. Even for someone without language barrier, it takes real energy and EQ + IQ to open up, describe in details (soul-search) and engage with a helper, or a “nanny” from the nanny state. I’m long-winded and very chatty, and my counselors often need to interrupt and summarize for me, but that’s much better than the average “victim”.

Americans, Mainland Chinese… receive less support from the state. “You are on your own.” they were told. Such a message is rarely given to SG citizens. Sg citizens are often reliant on the nanny state. I guess this is similar to other small nations like Finland, Norway, Luxemburg,,,

The reliance is evident in many diverse domains.

However, Singaporeans as a whole is a fairly resilient nation, as shown in numerous crises [covid, SARS, 1997AFC…]. We are resilient in spite or because of our reliance on each other.

Same can be said of a family. Kids rely on parents. Siblings lean on each other.

I guess a small school, a small company are also like small nations — tight-knit group.