##wake up1day..left behind the pack #serenity#NUS

Posted on by tiger40490 rendered_on [ Thu, 6 Mar 2025 ] 13:50 UTC

k_soul_search .. k_mellow .. k_sinkingXp

See also semi-high-fliers, has more to say about about fake high-fliers.

See also ##[20]won%%battles against FOMO #mellow. This blogpost is not about battles, NOT another ranking. This blogpost is about the fear of waking up to a desperate catch-up. Up to my mid 40’s, I always had an /unchecked/ FOLB about this scenario —

Like the hare in the race with tortoise (+  other contestants), I wake up one day to find some previous peer has got ahead, in one of those “envy domains” [1], and I immediately sink into despair. In the ensuing months and years, I keep sinking, and endure the self-hate for not playing a better game, of wasting my (or kids’) potential.

Real personal examples (below) sometimes serve as better definitions.

This FOLB has been a self-judge sitting behind-the-scene (垂帘听政) throughout my adult life (introspective). This fear drives me into real actions …

Yu.Wang? YY.Tao?

— left-behind is real and inevitable:

Saranyu Lavanyakul, the MS-Carbon ExecutiveDirector, told me he got ahead “mainly by Drive”. In the places of my career, people can indeed get ahead if they keep a steadfast focus on brank + some subset of the envy domains below. ( In contrast, I have chosen to focus on other domains like cashflow, IV body-building…)

Web2.0 salary figures #realistic described RMB 1200k/Y salary in “BAT”. For a 20-something China SWE, hearing those salary figures among one’s cohort is a wake-up call.

So after N years, indeed the gap may (no guarantee) emerge i.e. 拉开距离, as described in BGC: pull`ahead@the pack: personal(!!organizational)effectiveness. We need to live in peace with the gap … Serenity

[1] Some envy domains (mostly successC domains):

  • start-up stardom. Remember [[Brad’s Status]]?
  • brank, OC style of effectiveness
    • eg: Siddesh, LSagain, GS ex-colleagues, CSDoctor, Benny, HY.Cai
  • c++ (and web2.0) interviews
  • top schools for kids
  • trophy university — achieved with UChicago. See NUS section below.
  • lucrative investments, esp. properties
    • Eg: One of many such peers reveal that he has acquired some properties in Shanghai and made a killing
    • Eg: the Wuhan couple HuJun and ShiSha are probably rather rich to own multiple properties in Singapore.
  • green card or Canadian citizenship? But now I appreciate my SG citizenship more than those.
  • high double-income? But now I appreciate my beautiful, hardworking and thrift wife, with her fine judgement and stable career.
  • big house (high maintenance), big car? Now I believe these pseudo assets are liabilities in disguise, and unnecessary in my life. I prefer a minimalist lifestyle

Now I tell myself to be more rational, more mellow, more selective in hearing the news about other people. At my age, what I do care :

  • Freedom and resources to support reflective blogging
  • A realistic amount of additional free time + freedom from stress
    • commute
    • other buffers, slack resources
  • unblocked communication channel with ah-boy
  • healthy kid, beautiful wife, stable marriage
  • Wellness including vitality, sleep, sexual health, strong teeth, aging eyesight+hearing under control,,
  • burn buffer ratio i.e. income relative to burn rate, Fuller Wealth, retirement destination
  • affordable healthcare including nursing care

— NUS and my self-esteem over the years

In 2007 when I received my Education evaluation report on my NUS degree, I sighed a sigh of relief that NUS “is a known entity to the U.S.”. Now in 2022, NUS has improved its standing in the minds of U.S. employers.

Q: Am I still “behind” my mainland Chinese cohort? It depends on the context:
A: Inside China, NUS is probably lesser-known than the top 20 China universities, or most Ivy League + MIT + Stanford
A: In the U.S. , Greater China, or other countries, NUS is possibly better known than most universities in China

The progress of NUS is a sweet revenge, satisfying, victorious, rewarding (for my huge 1991~98 effort)

NTU is still lesser-known than NUS, due to shorter history.  History of a college really matters to public name recognition.

While in NUS, my self-esteem also underwent a roller coaster ride. I felt envious of the medical students, and superior to fellow students in other faculties. For a while I felt envious of the PhD students in my faculty.

Looking back at those years I spent in and after NUS, my self-esteem was vulnerable — naked, unprotected, unshielded from the rampant peer comparison typical of the age band [early 20s]. My self-image was battered, beaten-up regularly, like after every exam, or whenever I’m given a rude awakening due to some random peer comparison with other students across the faculties.

impac on my self-esteem: brand>FirstClassHonors> EE-DL>book prize