k_CAD

If I go to the U.S. I will need insurance. I will need frequent medical checks and consultations. WStC jobs will be less attractive given the expensive insurance.

A PSA/OC type of lower-stress dev job will become increasingly suitable for me. I maintain a decent effort with good attitude, and they will keep my job.

I will need to get my kids to take over my rental properties.

I will scale back on long-term risky investments, and allocate more towards stable assets just like retirees do.

Once a while I envy those in my cohort who are free of “my problems”. For years, I used to feel superior, lucky, one of the God’s favored children because I did good deeds and took care of my body for so long. Now I feel unlucky.

A classmate was suspected for some tumor (I won’t elaborate) and decided to google life expectancy for such patients. I refuse to do so. My new longevity target will become … 85?

For about 10 years I felt like immortal whenever I tell people that I plan to live till 95. Many long-term plans were made based on that optimism.

I tend to look at my running performance as a guage of my physical decline, but now I think denial of the natural decline can be harmful. No-decline is a good sign if it is natural and managed safely, not propped up artificially.

I hope to regain my sense of optimism and gratitude.

I hope to find something good in this challenging situation. I may not find any.