XR,

I see you are under stress from work, renovation, new born … Here’s some personal reflections to share with you.

I feel multiple pains in spouse communication, pains in child education/discipline, pains in boss relationship, pains in unhealthy lifestyle. It’s good to identify the  fundamental problems, but before that, it’s also important to strengthen the no-problem areas (otherwise they too can become problems) —

+ I have no-problem with my cash flow, though it’s going to become much heavier, due to mortgage, masters’ program starting soon, and 2nd child.
+ I have no-problem with the mainstream technical skills such as java, SQL, though c++ still needs improvement. C# is new growth area for me.
+ my son and wife have no-problem in health — nothing major so far. In contrast, my dad has conditions, and I have a stubborn cholesterol level to work on
+ my job is secure, as OC doesn’t layoff people just because they are not performing so well. They may give me no raise no bonus or transfer me out. I am preparing myself mentally for it.
+ I have no-problem with colleagues — no major issue
+ I have no-problem with sleep, even though I sleep less than I need
+ I have no-problem with appetite. No too-low appetite, no too-high appetite

Now, among the problem areas, I feel stress management is a common thread.

Time (and priority) management is another common thread. Why?
– I need more time to exercise (but can’t convince myself to);
– I need to postpone a lot of less critical plans so as to focus on the tough challenges;
– child education is a slow process — patience.

I used to effectively put off a lot of non-urgent and non-critical items, but now as head of a family many non-urgent decisions become urgent, so I can no longer put them off, not effectively. I feel overwhelmed with many small decisions.

Related to that is my detail-oriented and perfectionist habits — another common thread. A bit too slow. Sometimes people say I’m too careful too slow making decisions. I now feel some decisions have consequences we need to understand, so we better assume they are important. Many decisions turn out to be so minor that even an unwise choice won’t have a big impact. I probably tend to treat too many non-critical decisions as critical — stress, time-consuming decision making.

Another common theme is leadership (and communication as such). I have never been an experienced leader. Now I find myself leading my family, though I never chose the job. Fundamental change to my role. Not used to it. I have too many quarrels with my mother (staying with us to help take care of kid) and, worse, with wife. That’s not leadership at all. I make decisions and they object. I’m not used to listening and adjusting my decisions. I wish my home be a happy place with laughter but it’s not, partly because of the tone I set. Perhaps more subtle is the influence on my son. I set a role model. I also influence my wife and indirectly affect my son’s attitude and character. I find myself much better at technical stuff than being a head of a household.