[22]carefree:与众不同 #by half

Posted on by tiger40490 rendered_on [ Thu, 6 Mar 2025 ] 09:47 UTC

k_tectonic … k_def_of_success

see also

This bpost needs a more distinctive, identifiable, less forgettable title.

When I don’t feel carefree, this analysis might provide clues + perhaps a few tips/nudges.

Q1: living my “carefree ezlife”, perhaps in my bubble, Why do I feel so alone and uncommon like “outlier” (与众不同) among my peers?

The answer is invariably a combination of distinct factors.  Each time we apply one of the factors below as a filter on the global cohort population, half (or at least 20%) of the remainder drop out. I used to joke that the qualifying population shrinks “by half”.

  • — G9 hard [measurable, visible, less subjective] factors underpinn` my carefree ezlife: (See also list in
  • [22]幸福:2precious cornerstones: breakaway)
  • factor: CPI inflation worries beyond retirement .. related to “citizenship” and “cashflow-high-ground”. “Half” my cohort across many countries seriously worry about living expenses doubling every 10~20Y, progressively eroding/shrinking their retirement nest egg.
  • G9 pillar: fully paid home of reasonable size, in a clean, safe, actively maintained neighborhood … Not so common esp. among younger peers.
  • G9 pillar: cashflow high ground .. (for family livelihood) ..  Rare among my peers. I won’t elaborate.
  • G3 pillar: my citizenship.. my appreciation[confidence/faith, gratitude] of my adopted country .. is rare among my peers. A subtle factor, this “shield” gives me a confidence (-}carefree) distinct from that of my WSt friends.
  • G7 pillar: career longevity (based on WStC) .. rare among techies [dev-till70], and also rare across the entire cohort. Bpost [1] has more details, so I won’t elaborate here
  • Layer 2 foundation: stable marriage + bonding with kids .. is shared with perhaps half my peers. I score a B+.
  • Layer 1 foundation: wellness .. (all aspects) .. Note BMI/fitness (also tech bodybuilding) require successZ, rather than “LG-carefree”…

(Pillars rest on layers of foundations.)

Q4: why is my wife not feeling carefree? Why the big contrast between husband and wife? See “half-empty” section.

— harmony .. part of successE (elaborated below).  I feel improving (albeit inconsistently) in my harmony, mellowing up, letting go..
— failureZ .. a common weakness among my peers, and therefore affects a majority of them. Note successZ definition is simpler than successE but still nontrivial.
Bpost [1] examined my continuous, self-driven learning habit

eg: My annual health screening is one example of how successZ underpins my “carefree”. (I won’t elaborate) bone density; heart-healthy diet; cholesterol control; low-sugar, low-salt; research into various conditions/risks;;;; You can never become complacent and let your guards down 🙂

==== utopian/bubble.. Many people would dismiss my (or PersonB’s) “carefree” as utopian, short-lived or fragile. That PersonB could be an engineer, an academic, an early retiree, a pensioner… because everyone’s bubble is fragile to some extent.

I still have (long or short term) stressors in my current job, BMI, parenting, investment issues,,, I still need inner strength, serenity, harmony, zqbx

Q3: level of Fragility of this carefree bubble?

Any analysis/investigation into “carefree” inevitably leads to questions of  fragility/impermanence/vulnerability/defenses//… These questions explain why “carefree” periods are so rare. However, this bpost will skimp on them.

— A very realistic “rude awakening” .. see the missteps/swans in https://tanbinvest.dreamhosters.com/12221/resilience-against-ffree-derailers/

— Jan 2023 update: Miles of Sonic team .. (See also Sonic+Sachin+Anurag) a story about utopia, fragility, storms/bubbles/derailers/// This case illustrates that at any time, for any reason, without any sign, we could lose our comfortable job, or our health etc. This case sounds like a swan event, but there was also a personal misstep (self-acknowledged). My compliance violations are also missteps. These swans/missteps are serious derailers of my carefree bubble, but now is the quiet between the storms, so the other factors feel like better answers to Q1.

This “quiet” feels like a dream, or inside a bubble, rolling on high rails.

— Update after Sep/Oct 2022 .. I feel my carefree ezlife is diminishing/declining/ in some strange way. It takes effort to explain it.

The DIYHI created lots of conflicts, self-blame, zsms about tcost, involution.

Then in Nov, kids’ math exam results ..

Then in Mar 2023, EDyw was a real blow according to the rmSelf, but for the xpSelf, Edyw didn’t /knock me out/ of my carefree zone.

In the grand scheme of things, these pains/unhappy episodes would pass. The “carefree” felt so short-lived to the rmSelf, but (to the xpSelf) it soon returned.

==== wrong priorities .. a key “soft” factor to explain “why so many peers are not carefree”. (In contrast, see the hard factors eralier.)

Some of my peers score higher than me in “cashflow high ground” or “career longevity” (I refuse to pay attention to them) but I feel most of my cohort are fixated on their “half-empty” glasses, while I tend to focus more on my “half-full” glass.

Breakaway .. is a power descriptor. See [22]幸福:2precious cornerstones: breakaway

— successE .. I feel my peers don’t appreciate successE that much. Therefore, my successE is /uncommon/.

Beware successE definition is subject to interpretation.
— zzcl .. I feel many, perhaps majority of, my peers are not mellowing up to zzcl. I think many aim higher and try harder than I do. In doing so, they experience more frustration, less contentment.

  • improve kids’ grades
  • get better job .. objectively, my jobs since 2017 were good
  • get bigger home .. objectively, my home is big enough

— focusing_illusion .. by focusing on the half-full, I feel more contented, more grateful, more lucky, more optimistic… These feelings /seed/ a virtuous cycle of wellness, generosity, kindness, forgiveness

If I were to explain “wrong priorities” , zzcl, failureE, failureZ, harmony ,,, in an essay,  it would involve many power phrases. Many of my peers may not understand these phrases. A  phrase is often subtle, low-power, or poorly defined, and my definition often abstract, unnatural and non-trivial. (Contrast them with those handful “hard” factors above.)

— life chances .. personal! I am contended about my life chances. I pursue the right life chances that are important to me, rather than the wrong priorities of other people

==== a nightmare .. in a 2022 nightmare, I rejoined Macq and was dismissed again. I did my best again, but again was shown to be the weakest in the team, although another set of job requirements may prove otherwise. In hind sight, the 2015/2016 Macq job requirement was simply too high for me, more than the Qz job or GS job. How about Ash.S in his CTO job? CSDoctor’s job? S.Liu’s job?

If I were to benchmark myself with these so-called peers, or try to increase my brank, and join the exclub, I would get derailed, lose my carefree ezlife, take on lots of stress.
If I try, could I become a software architect? Not my strength.
If I try, could I become a lead developer like Ash.S? Not sure.

At my age, I have an implicit self-conviction that most of the higher-paying positions are too stressful, with exorbitant expectations. What I’m unsure is the salary hike of a “jump”. (My EPA job could be worth SGD 160k in another company.) What additional income is possible? After tax, 80k/Y additional? Not worth it.

I told grandpa that my successE [carefree ezlife + harmony, based on wellness and comfortable livelihood] is rare among my cohort, not because I’m wealthier than them, but because I don’t focus on the wrong goals.

The nightmare scenario is much more severe, harsh, harmful than CB2022.