Hi ZR,
You gave me hope when you said it takes years for a spouse to change the habit of refusing communication. I feel good when you agreed that it’s not a good habit. Here are some of the things I could do next time i receive “connection refused”.
* get out of the house if possible, to leave each other alone. My father’s habit. effective.
* light exercise if possible, such as stretching. I believe any physical workout can help release a bit of tension and help remove our mind off the conflict.
* more water if possible. In movies, people under stress often get a drink.
* deep breath
* lock myself in the toilet if appropriate, to leave each other alone. But this can send the sponse a negative signal. Maybe I could explain to her “Do you need the toilet for 5 minutes? I need some quiet time by myself.”
* write a note to the spouse, since he/she refuses to speak. This may backfire.
* focus on work/study, if possible. Almost impossible for me, but can be very effective.