It’s always better to get kids to agree on a target/consequence, but such a agreement is fake and ineffective when the target is above 150% and uncomfortable for the kid. In these cases,  the tiger-mom tactic didn’t work for my son so far.

In most of the difficult situations I have experienced, we have no choice — the target has to be tough like 300% and without a real agreement, so the real issue is efficiency. (Ownership would be a better way but get real!)

If somehow we can get him to put in real effort and become efficient, then the target is achievable and he can avoid the penalty.

Note that uncomfortable and imposed target/consequence should be rare and carefully managed, not an everyday practice. After the kid puts in the 300% effort, parents ought  to recognize it. Give him a hug + TV break.

In a classic case, before his P2 Chinese exam, I took time off to help him. We set a target but he was highly inefficient. I didn’t want to babysit him and asked him to work on a small list of words. He didn’t have the ownership. By the end of day he didn’t achieve and received the punishment — painful. I think he gave up long ago and the ownership concept was unrealistic.

In  such situations, I think we had better focus on efficiency rather than the unrealistic ownership. Spend time with him. If feet-dragging again, then parents would have to decide to accept the inefficiency, or leave him alone. It’s a wrestling match between parent and child.

Yes, leaving him alone is sometimes the only practical option.