k_X_focusing_illusion  k_soul_search

(a good title is hard)
For decades, I tend to practice a slightly excessive form of modesty, bordering on self-degradation.

Opening example: I have worked my ass off to improve diet and BMI, but when I meet a OC-effective guy, or a humorous/witty guy, I often ignore my BMI advantage and regard him as superior.

If I can recall and name 50 “superiors” [Yang, Venkat, Shou,], 95% of them would have some serious inferiority such that I would hesitate to trade places with him. The exceptions tend to be people I don’t know so well…. I can’t know their inferiorities.

Overall, I think my habit has served me reasonably well. 谦虚美德. However, sometimes it’s slightly unfair and unjust.

• inferior: Many of them (or their kids) grew up in an incomplete (if not broken) family. Many of them lost a parent fairly early.
• inferior: half of them are overweight if we include the non-Chinese.
• inferior: Most of them do not have my superior diet habits like raw veg/fruits, low alcohol, low starch, low fat, low frying
• inferior: Many of them have experienced more wellness declines including sexual, bone density, endurance, muscle loss, BMI, eyesight, hearing, hair loss,,,
• inferior: Unknown number of them have non-trivial but hidden issues in mental wellness, including sleep, relationships, stress, aggression
• inferior: Most of those occupying higher positions have work stress and career risks far more than I have as a contractor.
• inferior: Most of those high-flyers don’t have my career longevity. This is another “battery” I have built over decades but I tend to dismiss, esp. when I meet some high-flyer who is without this longevity but… superior ?!
• inferior: majority of them have long-term financial concerns like medical + inflation, retirement income. Note some of them have no kids.

— reflections on the 92S27 reunion in May 2022

I told grandpa later on “not worth my envy: their cars, expensive homes, maids, top schools for their kids”. These are often white elephants.
This is part of my emerging wisdom as a greying and thinking adult.

I also told grandpa that my skills are in demand, with market depth in a growing sector.
I want to actively reduce attachment to the EPA comfort zone.

I tend to brush off my advantages in diet, workout, bonding with kids, brbr, cashflow high ground, lifelong learning.
Many of my advantages over these ex-classmates are in successE and successZ.

In whatever that matter to me, I don’t feel left behind. I am getting ahead, in stealthy footsteps.