A Cigna counsellor suggested that I invite my 12-year old boy to a chat and listen to his preferences on math coaching. I decided to be a listener rather than a talker [I still talked about half the minutes, but less than before] The 25 Apr 2021 chat flushed out several /misperceptions/.

Misperception: “his math homework was an excuse to put off my math problems” -> Actually, he didn’t know math homework can wait.

Misperception: “he is not interested in my math problems at all and wants to avoid it” -> Actually he named math as the one subject dad can coach. Boy asked me to give him the problem over phone, in advance.

Misperception: “my problems are quick” -> Actually, only some of my problem are quick, while other problems can take a long time.

Misperception: “his Chinese exam prep is not so urgent so critical, because earlier weeks/months are more important” -> Actually, teacher gave them 20 words and said 5 of them would show up in the exam. So boy needed time to cram the 20 words.

Misperception: “with Chinese compo, he was just dragging his feet. Another day or another time would be the same.” -> Actually, he was overloaded and under pressure in the morning/afternoon. To my surprise, in the evening he was ready to do math practice.

Boy cautioned me “avoid the days before a non-math exam”. Now in hindsight, I see my son similar to the skater.

Compared to the earlier afternoon confrontational face time, I didn’t act tough and stand my ground. Instead, I acted slightly more like a friend, as Aunt Genn suggested.