k_sinkingXp

If one of the experienceS below should get more sunshine (more reflection more analysis), then it can move to the original blogpost,

• [w=things will get much worse. I must brace myself for the massive impact, including legwork and effort]
• [i=prior “investments” mostly wiped out. You may have to relegate to a lower league.]
• [h=hard lesson learned. I grew wiser.]
• [p=real possibility of permanent damage]
• — less about sinking:
• [r = Mostly my own responsibility.. often self-hate. No one to blame. K.Hu tends to have a different explanation. H.Yi too.]
• [t = If you hadn’t tried you wouldn’t have to experience this sinking feeling. DeepakCM’s interviews? ]

— [p] 2024 gastritis diagnosis .. I am not one of those “healthy adults” who can safely skip breakfast for decades.
— [pw] 2024 CAD diagnosis .. I am grieving the loss of freedoms
— [p] 2009 wife was rejected for citizenship ..  Big hope dashed. We were coming to terms with the prospect of “never“.
— [ipr]  NUS Y3 receiving a second “D” .. a sinking experience “Never a chance for a first-class honors.” I had to redefine my self-evaluation, self-image as a top scholar.
— [irt] In 2016 when I realized most of my UChicago fellow graduates [K.H] tried but were unable to break into quant jobs, it contrasted my earlier knowledge of several non-PhD quants on Wall St. I realized my chance is very very low.
— [iw] 1989 Shiyan 保送高中 ..  probably the heaviest blow at the time. Big hope dashed.
[p] I was forced to come to terms with the risk of losing my seat in my senior middle school. Real risk at that juncture.
— [p] 1991 when I realized I would be delayed for 2Y compared to Shiyan classmates.
In hindsight, such delay is common. See delayed→earned higher-value degree: TsingHua^NUS #MSFM and ## 1Y-delay(!!repeat) in SG public school #w1r4
— [t] 1990 failing to qualify for Beijing-level physics Olympiad
— [r] in my 40’s, when I noticed a few ex-peers moving up to MD or web2.0 riches. A common, shared experience of sinking feeling but I got more used to it over the years. HY.Cai, YY.Tao, K.A #sinking is one example. See also ##wake up1day..left behind the pack
— [ihrw] visa for Chinese passports .. UK transit visa + US visa for waipo. Classic sinking experiences.
— when K.H gave up trader or desk quant ambitions, after years of interviewing.
I had mild sinking experiences in the process of giving up quant and HFT ambitions.
— [p] grandpa receiving cancer diagnosis
— [w] autism for XR and Miles
— [hr when I woke up in the HKIA airside hotel and saw “30 minutes to take-off”.
— [hr] NUS jam 1994. The moment I realized I lost my pouch was a (minor) sinking experience. I had to deal with all the lost cards.
— [hir] perf reviews were among the heaviest blows. GS, Macq, OC,,, See [r]

• Why the Stirt layoff was less sinking?  Reason: I was mentally prepared. Reason: I had earlier receive Meet/Meet rating.
• Why OC doughnut was sinking even though job was safe?  I was expecting some approval/appreciation.
• GS “partial meet” was less sinking? Because I know who to blame.
• .. However, the conversation with the Korean lady manager was a sinking experience, due to the official, firm-sanctioned verdict.
• Macq “Termination” chat IS the worst experience in hindsight, but was, at that time, not so sinking. On the spot, I turned down any internal transfer opportunity.