This bpost is mostly for communication with counsellors or law enforcement.

1. — half ranked by severity and frequency
2. punching .. First of all, stop punching younger sister (almost every month), esp if in a rage, like after she says “Go to hell”
3. slapping.. should never strike back if mom slaps him (arm) in anger.
4. smashing .. stop smashing hard objects in a rage, esp. other people’s personal properties. This is a form of violence.
5. (offensive) hugging .. stop using physical force to hug mom (every week) when she protests and resists, or starts crying, or displays signs of disgust/distress. He has to respect her personal space (and modesty).
6. allow mom/sister to sleep after 11 pm (every day).
7. .. If they have to resort to physical force to get him out of their bedroom, he should never use his superior physical strength to frustrate them, and remain in their room for 10 minutes.
8. .. He ought to respect their right to close their door, and not use physical force to block it.
9. .. Once they lock their door, he should not pound on the door from outside, even if for 3 minutes “only”.
10. shower room .. when mom is taking a shower inside, stop pounding on the door (every month) even if for 1 minute “only”.
11. music volume .. (every week) Any time after 11.30 pm, he needs to let others sleep in quiet
12. snatching .. never again rob another person’s phone and use force to keep possession, esp. when owner is smaller in size.

Note on #2 “punching” .. He sometimes gets outraged and punches his little sister on the shoulders and bum, in front of parents. He explained that she had (with intention) messed up his belongings, and his punches were little more than a rough play like in his pre-teen years.

Related to “punching”, Yixin has no authroity to, but did, smack little sister’s buttock, acting as a disciplinary parent. I say this even though Yixin may feel justified.

Notes on #10 “music” .. If any family member is unable to sleep, he needs to give them priority. He should go into his room, or put on an earphone, or otherwise lower his volume sufficiently. This is esp. tricky with light sleepers like dad, who happens to be a heart patient.

Notes on #11 “furniture” .. Sometime in Sep 2024, Dad once grabbed and pulled his laptop with force, demanding that he put away the screen and answer Dad’s questions (rather than ignoring Dad). Yixin got up and smashed a chair on the floor and then threw another chair on the floor.

Among these 10 items, police singled out “punching” as an actionable item for police. Even without evidence, we can lodge a police report, and we can then apply for PersonalProtectionOrder.

“Snatching” is a borderline offense. Police may or may out take action.

“Music” doesn’t sound like an action item for police, if neighbors unaffected. A light sleeper may have to negotiate with her family members to get her quiet, rather than calling police.

Above are the first level the basic level i.e. what we expect of every teenager. Next, Level-two changes I want to see in him:

• Whenever parents demand his phone, he should hand it over without a tussle. Parents always have a justification.
• Leaving others wait on street … After we agree to rendezvous for a family outing, Yixin should not make us wait 30+ minutes beyond mutually-agreed timing. Yixin should stop assuming that other people “don’t mind waiting” indefinitely. We had already told him our irritation. Yixin must not turn a blind eye
• put food into fridge.. He has to bother to refrigerate unfinished, clean food, which Mom cooked and put on table for him. In recent months, he sometimes left dishes spoiled overnight, despite (nagging) reminders. He needs to show some responsibility and stop ignoring the (real) risk of wasting these precious foods. He needs to stop assuming these dished are low quality, cheap and easy to cook.
• .. Sometimes, family members would queue up for a special delicacy, but we decided to leave 1/4 on the plate for Yixin. In the end, he didn’t eat or bother to refrigerate. The delicacy went to waste, and he didn’t care.
• Buying and discarding packaged snacks .. He can stop buying full packages of snacks if he has no commitment to finish more than half. He has often left 80% to be discarded. Nowadays he seldom cares. (Loose or tiny packeges are better.)
• pick up, not ignore, calls … During family outings, Yixin would frequently ignore all incoming calls. He needs to show some respect. On any group trip, everyone is expected to be contactable.
• When going out with family, he should feel the responsibility to remind them “I have no phone” due to flat battery or no-SIM. A few times, Yixin didn’t bother to inform us. Therefore, we would call him, hit radio silence, and become anxious. Afterwards, he showed no remorse, no sympathy and no motivation to change.
• balcony window .. next time when (by his mistake) a stick falls out of the window, then ( he needs to stop what he is doing and go pick it up immediately. A 10-minute deliberate delay reflects irresponsibility.