No need to reply. I know you are busy even on weekends but spent 90 minutes counseling me!

Forgot to say that Huang Cheng left a smaller firmware company and joined Apple, a few years ago. He had a son about the age of your son. I think he was into video codec. He got Green Card around 2007/2008. I asked if he is a team lead but can't remember his answer. He is definitely interested to play such a role.

I no longer feel “stick-out is a good thing”. Rather I try (a bit) to shrink myself in group lunch or meetings.

Attitude, perceptiveness and your action plan are 3 sides of the same triangle. I'll remember your suggestion to “conform (qu1tong2) on every little behavior”. Such an attitude will force me to think why my behavior sticks out and force me to feel how others feel and slowly sharpen my empathy.

The issue with my perceptiveness is – i don't know which behaviors stick out.

– My mentor (now VP) sometimes sends out very short emails to a large audience. I guess that sticks out. I feel i should follow the “norm” and not follow him.
– On a group lunch, almost any topic you create would stick out (in my perception). I often keep quiet and avoid attracting attention, since i'm very poor at dining conversations. People told me i was a bit boring, but it's actually risky to raise a new topic or even respond to a topic.
– when I receive an email cc'ed to 22 people, i frequently remove 20 and reply to just 2 people. I do this more often than other colleagues, because i am more cautious, but does this stick out? I don't think so.

It all boils down to perceptiveness and judgment – what counts as stick-out. I have a very limited perception power — half color blind. I have a modest goal to improve it incrementally over the next 10 years. Your suggestion is the most concrete action plan so far.

By the way, I can mis-judge people's feeling for me, but not frequently. We all can tell if someone likes us or is keeping a distance. Many colleagues didn't need to but did help me beyond mere colleagues. That's why i feel many colleagues are on fairly good (not super) terms with me. My senior mgr was lenient with time booking and my project time-lines but unsatisfied with my overall performance.