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Married but living apart? Canadian experts weigh in on Japan’s separation marriage trend

In Japan, many are opting to live separately despite being legally married in order to have a better lifestyle. Some are even forming a weekend arrangement where they only couple up during the weekends and go on to live separate lives in separate residences during the week in an effort to have “easier” and more flexible relationships.

A Japanese article says “While some of us will continue to have fulfilling marriages throughout our lives, most of us know that the expectations we have maintained will at some point no longer serve our best interests. You can either ‘graduate’ to a new phase together, or end the relationship.”

sotsukon in Japanese means “a cheaper, easier way to create space in a marriage.” Flexibility is key. Couples can…easily return to their former lifestyle, and as old age approaches, it is reassuring to have a formal connection to someone who will help look after you when needed.

Personal space has proven important to my sense of wellbeing (both rmSelf and xpSelf). I do enjoy time with my kids and wife, but I need a lot of quietime, often in my office sanctuary.

Q3: what kids are considered kids from broken families?

— sotsukon as a bold alternative to blended family

Joanna Seidel said she has seen divorced couples with children, finding partners again but instead of living as blended families, they choose to live and raise their families separately.

If economically viable, this is a superior arrangement for most of the kids involved. (A3: “broken but still closely knit”)

— Q: what’s your #1 motivation to live with your spouse under one roof:

• for many men, it’s sexual needs
• for most young mothers, it’s “parenting team work”
• ^^ These become low priorities in livelihood-driven separation-marriages
• for older couples, it’s caregiver. I think my dad is in this category. He basically admitted by silence.

When couples live in different homes, how about the incremental risk of adultery/cheating (A3: broken)? If the reunion is frequent (weekly), then this risk is low because you can detect signs more easily, and the bonding is usually maintained.

— Separation-marriage in Chinese++ communities are 99.9% driven by /livelihood/. These couples didn’t choose separation-marriage for “personal space” as in sotsukon.

First-hand experience over 2010s .. I had quarterly reunions with my wife. My dad also had quarterly reunions with my mom. No issue in my case or my dad’s case. My dad said his colleagues had annual reunion trips due to long distance.

Davis Wei, Jason x2 (MLP) … ditto.

Migrant workers and domestic workers, soldiers … in Sg, China and elsewhere.

Warning — (#1 hazard IMO) Long years without erection can lead to penis shrinkage or ED. Masturbation or VED required.

A3: not broken at all.

My dad told me that for centuries up to late 20th century, a typical Chinese working class family would have a wife staying back in the family village and looking after kids,  parents-in-law, and underaged siblings-in-law, while the husband works away in some town. Quarterly (husband/wife) reunion was a norm perhaps for 50% of the workers in a town.  Only a rich and privileged man could bring in his entire family. In the village, the landlord can afford to stay with his wives all year round…. Everything is determined by livelihood.

— other social norms .. If your eccentric behavior such as masturbation; polygamy; quarterly family reunion; having extra-marital lovers;;; is normal in your /community/, then your legal spouse may be able to accept and cope with it just fine.

Remember grandma’s Malaysian friend in Pandan Valley.

Remember my mom’s dad living with two wives under one roof.