(A personal blog post. No need to reply.)

I am often insensitive and sometimes downright annoying, but I wonder why I have many friends and colleagues who seem to like me.

– colleagues generally liked me, but not managers
– interviewers often liked me, but not managers
– some managers liked me, but many don’t
– GS managers made tough decisions in 2 rounds of layoff and lost people twice, but didn’t let me go
– My first GS review was (unofficially) above average. 2nd was manipulated, largely due to relationship with managers. 2 of my GS managers gave me average, the 3rd (highest) manager imposed a below-average.
– Citi managers renewed my contract after 6 months. In the past, they actually terminated 2 consultants after first 6 months. So I was tolerable at 6-month mark.
– many GS colleagues “under” me generally liked me – I know from their reviews. Some 100% positive, some 90% positive but fairly objective. Overall I always received above-average on team work.
– most GS users liked me – I know from their reviews. No one gave me below average. I guess they depended too much on me.
– My clients generally liked me – I was client-facing in 3 companies and had about 5-10 clients
– Some interviewers in the past offered me jobs as client-facing IT consultant, team lead and VP.

In GS and Citi (and Verizon, and previous jobs, but not some other jobs[1]), i feel majority of colleagues like me — I have many small chats and even lunches with many of them. If they don’t like me, they could turn down those small chats and lunch requests. While a bachelor, i used to have friends to meet up every week. I felt popular and in-demand.

I feel these people see some good qualities in me (everyone has some:). Sometimes they might feel annoyed or mildly offended by me but probably not intolerable. I do believe _managers_ are usually less tolerant, because the boss-subordinate relationship is fragile, sensitive, intense and high-stake.

A pattern emerges — The more closely I work with a guy, the higher the chance of conflict of interest, the more empathy is needed.

Another pattern — one-to-one work relationship is easier for me than small teams, which is easier than cross-team collaboration. My stick-out, empathy issues, observe-and-learn, insensitivity (Bull in a china shop) gradually show.

Solution — periodic feedback by a caring, dedicated mentor.

[1] a Singapore government company had fewer colleagues who liked me. I was too eccentric and stepped on too many toes.