I used to feel that my son is one part of me that’s left behind. Now I think he may not go to a top college but he will go to college and find a decent job.

See also wake up1day..left behind #serenity

Since my teenage years I have suffered so much from, and endeavored to avoid, the pain of “left-behind” by so-called peers (chosen so randomly !! )… This pain is fairly similar to FOMO. This pain is the opposite of “other peoples’ envy” concept.

• early eg: Chinese compo
• early eg: Y-junction flexibility — I was visibly the weakest in middle school
• eg: income and brank including startup — see notes below
• eg: academic kids
• advanced education credential (UChicago) is an achievement in itself, like a competition title, even if it creates no increased earning.
• see also the list of “freedom_from_unwanted..” in ##[19] living%%dream life,here-n-now #Detach, such as
  • immigration concerns
  • debt and cash flow concerns
  • overweight — affecting more than half my peers
  • PIP, damaged goods

Remember the movie [[Brad’s status]]? Somehow, miraculously, by age 40 I have achieved at least average status on the east front, north front, south-west front, … virtually ALL fronts. What an incredible feat. I can’t emphasize this point enough.

In other words, on every [1] game important to me, I have achieved enough to avoid the deep emotional pain of left-behind. I wonder how many people can say the same. Pretty rare achievement.

Some of these pains are possibly /neurotic/, but I don’t want to activate the self2judge today. In real life, there are many very real pains not related to left-behind, such as neck pain, appetite, sleep, divorce, family tension.. but these more “real” pains are actually less important to my personality (than to the average guy). From age 15 till now, my #1 frequent pains and deepest pains have always been … left-behind. See the t_1stAid blog tag.

[1] There are some “games” I did care about in my 30’s and 40’s …

— [1] startup dream — for years I had a romanticized dream about tech startups, mostly created in the U.S. pop culture. I often felt left behind when I hear of someone (either considered a peer or not) getting into the startup game. Best example is Zhu Jiang !

— [1] brank — best example is Yiyang. Still a source of deep pain of “left-behind”

— for all of the above.

I have achieved a lot (cf my peers) in many games like wellness, ffree, branded degree, career longevity,,, but still, to earn the worldly, materialistic OtherPeople’sEnvy (OPE), I need to move up (or start up).

This has been the stonewall I hit over and over throughout my career….

Not my game, and I gave up years ago. I think it was wise of me to give up. Over the years I have been working on the give-up, the stonewall, the OPE, and slowly mellowing up.

Now I’m older and wiser. Zhu Jiang, Yiyang… may not have my blessings — my SGP citizenship,,,, my retirement provisions,,,,, my low-stress easy life,,,,, my dev-till-70 path and depth-of-market providing choices,,,,, my overall health,,,,, my healthy and loving parents,,,,,

Q: what’s more important? Other people’s envy or my blessings.